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Teenage transbian and shitpost extraordinaire.

@ashecanid

I do solemnly swear to be a problem (most of the shit I blog/reblog is gonna be me fangirling over three houses and shitposts I enjoy).

around when I first started dating my boyfriend i bought myself this novelty blanket that looks like a photorealistic tortilla because I am SUCH A SUCKER for novelty shit. when he saw it in person for the first time his eyes lit up, which should have been a warning sign for the indignities to come.

so he’s a first responder and his day shifts start obnoxiously early as far as I, a pampered corporate asshole, am concerned. almost invariably when he’s at my place there will be an alarm at an hour that is downright unconscionable that will make him wake up and roll out of bed to get ready and will simultaneously make me burrow under the pillows grumbling about how surely nobody actually NEEDS their lives saved this early in the morning, after which I will promptly attempt to go back to sleep

he is a clever man and he knows this is when i am most vulnerable to attack.

every single time we do this dance, he quietly dresses, packs up, goes about getting ready to leave, and then when i have juuuust fallen back asleep, he returns with the tortilla blanket. He finds it no matter where I have hidden it.

He then creeps silently up to my side of the bed and uses his superior speed, strength, and reflexes to wrap me up in it incredibly tightly while i am still dazed and sputtering, so that i cannot move my legs or arms and am reduced to humiliating halfhearted magikarp flops that do not deter him from at least attempting to kiss my forehead.

then he goes to my bedroom door, opens it, then pauses, turns around, looks at me, the soft human filling of the facsimile of an enormous burrito he has just constructed, and says in his best romantic lead voice “I’ll see you soon, beans.”

you cannot understand how devastating it is to my ego that i am beans.

hey netizens! i'm not sure how many people are aware, but youtube's been slowly rolling out a new anti-adblock policy that can't be bypassed with the usual software like uBlock Origin and Pi-Hole out of the gate

BUT, if you're a uBlock Origin user (or use an adblocker with a similar cosmetics modifier), you can add these commands in the uBlock dashboard (under My Filters) to get rid of it!

youtube.com##+js(set, yt.config_.openPopupConfig.supportedPopups.adBlockMessageViewModel, false) youtube.com##+js(set, Object.prototype.adBlocksFound, 0) youtube.com##+js(set, ytplayer.config.args.raw_player_response.adPlacements, []) youtube.com##+js(set, Object.prototype.hasAllowedInstreamAd, true)

reblog to help keep the internet less annoying and to tell corporations that try shit like this to go fuck themselves <3

in order to remove the sexual stigma placed on breasts, we must move past the act of shaming people who are brave enough to go topless in public. myself and another transfem friend went topless at our local pride parade not because we were trying to be "sexual" at pride, but to protest the idea that some chests are viewed as inherently sexual and illegal to be viewed publicly, while some are not. it's not a sexual act for someone with breasts to take their shirt off.

i did not have anyone give me rude or sexual comments. i received a lot of approving nods, thumbs up and polite compliments, people were even reminding me that that's the spirit of pride, and hoped that they were brave enough to do the same in the future.

sometimes it's nearly 100 degrees and people with breasts get dangerously overheated. sometimes people with breasts just don't want to wear a shirt. their breasts are not an object for you to get upset about. their breasts are not an object for you to make a moral argument about. their breasts are a part of their body, and they're not scarring or hurting anyone by existing, they are another organ on the human body and someone else's breasts are not up for you to debate about.

best thing ive ever been commissioned for in my life, shadow wizard money gang fight stick art. the rings are set up so that buttons are like gems

Good news everyone! its been turned into the real thing, i hope my client tears it up at locals

romance should never feel unsafe, scary in a way that makes you feel in danger, sad in any way whatsoever or anxious and insecure in any way whatsoever. i mean this so seriously. look after your own heart. especially if you’re queer. i know it feels like our love is rare but it’s not true. that is a lie perpetuated so that we don’t experience it. joyous love will come to you, don’t settle for anything that doesn’t feel good. love is our liberation.

the thing is that they're so fascinated by sex, they love sex, they can't imagine a world without sex - they need sex to sell things, they need sex to be part of their personality, they need sex to prove their power - but they hate sex. they are disgusted by it.

sex is the only thing that holds their attention, and it is also the thing that can never be discussed directly.

you can't tell a child the normal names for parts of their body, that's sexual in nature, because the body isn't a body, it's a vessel of sex. it doesn't matter that it's been proven in studies (over and over) that kids need to know the names of their genitals; that they internalize sexual shame at a very young age and know it's 'dirty' to have a body; that it overwhelmingly protects children for them to have the correct words to communicate with. what matters is that they're sexual organs. what matters is that it freaks them out to think about kids having body parts - which only exist in the context of sex.

it's gross to talk about a period or how to check for cancer in a testicle or breast. that is nasty, illicit. there will be no pain meds for harsh medical procedures, just because they feature a cervix.

but they will put out an ad of you scantily-clad. you will sell their cars for them, because you have abs, a body. you will drip sex. you will ooze it, like a goo. like you were put on this planet to secrete wealth into their open palms.

they will hit you with that same palm. it will be disgusting that you like leather or leashes, but they will put their movie characters in leather and latex. it will be wrong of you to want sexual freedom, but they will mark their success in the number of people they bed.

they will crow that it's inappropriate for children so there will be no lessons on how to properly apply a condom, even to teens. it's teaching them the wrong things. no lessons on the diversity of sexual organ growth, none on how to obtain consent properly, none on how to recognize when you feel unsafe in your body. if you are a teenager, you have probably already been sexualized at some point in your life. you will have seen someone also-your-age who is splashed across a tv screen or a magazine or married to someone three times your age. you will watch people pull their hair into pigtails so they look like you. so that they can be sexy because of youth. one of the most common pornography searches involves newly-18 young women. girls. the words "barely legal," a hiss of glass sand over your skin.

barely legal. there are bills in place that will not allow people to feel safe in their own bodies. there are people working so hard to punish any person for having sex in a way that isn't god-fearing and submissive. heteronormative. the sex has to be at their feet, on your knees, your eyes wet. when was the first time you saw another person crying in pornography and thought - okay but for real. she looks super unhappy. later, when you are unhappy, you will close your eyes and ignore the feeling and act the role you have been taught to keep playing. they will punish the sex workers, remove the places they can practice their trade safely. they will then make casual jokes about how they sexually harass their nanny.

and they love sex but they hate that you're having sex. you need to have their ornamental, perfunctory, dispassionate sex. so you can't kiss your girlfriend in the bible belt because it is gross to have sex with someone of the same gender. so you can't get your tubes tied in new england because you might change your mind. so you can't admit you were sexually assaulted because real men don't get hurt, you should be grateful. you cannot handle your own body, you cannot handle the risks involved, let other people decide that for you. you aren't ready yet.

but they need you to have sex because you need to have kids. at 15, you are old enough to parent. you are not old enough to hear the word fuck too many times on television.

they are horrified by sex and they never stop talking about it, thinking about it, making everything unnecessarily preverted. the saying - a thief thinks everyone steals. they stand up at their podiums and they look out at the crowd and they sign a bill into place that makes sexwork even more unsafe and they stand up and smile and sign a bill that makes gender-affirming care illegal and they get up and they shrug their shoulders and write don't say gay and they get up, and they make the world about sex, but this horrible, plastic vision of it that they have. this wretched, emotionless thing that holds so much weight it's staggering. they put their whole spine behind it and they push and they say it's normal!

this horrible world they live in. disgusted and also obsessed.

You write all this and don't even say the fucking word woman and then in the tags you say "We support sex workers" You're just as fucking bad as everyone else.

oh, i see you and a few people like you are struggling with this content. no worries. let's try to work through this together. If you put on your good reading eyes and big thinking cap, try to go back over the post and see if i do or do not use the word "woman" or "women." (HINT: I might also use man). then use these Key Reading Notes to guide your interpretation: - do you think it is possible that any person can experience the results of a puritanical culture that degrades and dehumanizes normal human behavior? (THINK: Taylor Lautner was 15 when grown adults begged him to be their husband, their hands shaking, tears in their eyes. Did he have to use the word "woman" in his experience? - how can society trap sex workers in a horrible loop of both scrutinizing their experience while also demanding excellent performance? how is a video of someone in ropes only okay if it is selling perfume or a car? why are artists on this site blocked by the porn ban, but none of the bots are? what conditions are we creating for victims to come forward? how are we preventing abuse in the industry that is obviously making a few specific people a lot of money? (KEY NOTE: is it only women in porn? is there a reason that when you picture pornography, you assume only women must be present? it's a visible connection to your misogyny: there is often also a man in the scene. that man is also a sex worker. why might it be that you were picturing the woman on her knees?) - who are you fighting here? (NOTE: with your hands up, flinching, you try to devour the world because the anger in your heart burns louder than the kindness. this will annihilate you. you sit and you scream and it makes no difference. you throw your hands against the wall and it changes nothing. where is the word woman? here, right here, here you go: woman. woman. woman. was it worth it? does it help? does it save any one person? elicit any real response? make that wretched white heart of yours burn a little lower?

- when was the last time you actually reached out and helped a stranger? the last time you actually invested effort in your community? the last time you looked someone in the eyes and said - oh shit. we are both people. and we both deserve our humanity.

I dunno how to tell you this, but saying "gendered term (gender neutral)" doesn't actually make it gender neutral. If you care then just use an actual gender neutral phrase. "Y'all" fits just about anywhere "dudes" or "guys" would fit.

These tags have been Peer Reviewed

The Javelins of Light really aren’t as powerful as people think

One of the most common criticisms of the Agarthans is that they could have easily won the war just by firing Javelins of Light at wherever their enemies were at a given moment.

Now first, they try that… it results in Shambhala being found and destroyed in Verdant Wind and Silver Snow, and firing them at Arianhrod probably plays a large role in Shambhala being destroyed in Crimson Flower as well. Now notably, in Azure Moon, the one route where the Agarthans never fire a Javelin, Shambhala is left unscathed in the end!

It’s almost like Thales shouldn’t have fired them for petty and vengeful reasons…

So, nuclear weapons are the most common point of comparison for the Javelins. They… don’t remotely live up to those heights.

The first time we see them, at Merceus, Byleth and their army were on the fortress’s outer walls when the Javelins hit. They haven’t even begun to flee til after the first falls. You could argue that they survived because the Death Knight lured them toward the outer walls in the first place, but that’s still a very poor showing for a superweapon. You can’t just evacuate an entire army from a fortress in under a minute, and yet there’s no word after the event in either SS or VW about the army being ruined (the desperate situation in SS is more due to the loss of Merceus itself).

Then there’s the fact that the javelins only create craters, and the range of their destructive power doesn’t extend far beyond the actual blast radius. The buildings aren’t on fire, for instance, and the blast shockwaves doesn’t seem to have done as much damage as you might think.

This is consistent with their performance against Arianhrod in CF as well:

The Agarthans shot multiple (note the plural) Javelins at Arianrhod and only destroyed the northern wall and the fortress main hall. They also killed only a third of the Imperial garrison, rather than all of them as you might expect if the Javelins lived up to their real-world hype. As you can tell from looking at the map while in battle, Arianrhod is massive.

But if you thought their performance at Arianrhod and Merceus didn’t live up to the hype… hoo boy, wait ‘til Shambhala.

Edelgard’s detractors would have you believe the Black Eagles could never take Shambhala without Rhea’s aid, since Thales would certainly just fire all the Javelins he has at Shambhala, as he does in SS and VW.

So how do they do in those routes?

Well the first one is spent cracking open Shambhala’s roof.

A second follows it shortly after:

(That barely-visible twinkle is the second javelin lol)

As Rhea flies off to intercept the second one, we see the result of the first:

It struck a forest without starting a fire. Additionally, the damage circumference barely extends a single tree-width past the actual impact site. This is the weapon that some people would have you believe would grant Thales a world record LTC clear of Three Houses: a missile that can’t even take down a forest with a direct shot.

Rhea shoots down one javelin, and misses a third:

Now notice that the first impact isn’t even on-camera. So on top of not being very destructive, their accuracy is pretty damn bad.

Rhea hits a fourth, but the explosion of the fourth one catches the fifth, detonating that one as well, both of which blow up right in Rhea’s face.

She survives  two point-blank explosions from these missiles. If they were so destructive as to completely devastate the environment, as some would claim, and yet she survived the impact of two of them, she shouldn’t be falling to people waving swords at her.

And by the way, two more get past while she’s reeling from the explosion:

The liberation army hasn’t even begun to retreat before Rhea falls (again):

Byleth’s army are 2/2 on surviving Javelin strikes by doing absolutely nothing.

And again, in the final panning shot, there’s no sign of the environment being devastated as a result of this fire:

Like yeah, Thales killed a lot of trees and opened holes in the ground, but there’s no reason to suspect this area won’t be fine now that the danger is over.

So that’s 7 Javelins total, 3 of which Rhea stops, 1 of which needed to actually expose Shambhala, and at least 1 of which just deadass misses entirely. Because Thales was continuing to summon them even after the first landed:

It can safely be assumed that he fired all or at least the majority of however many he had (because there’s absolutely no reason to hold back at this point, he’s just trying to take Byleth down with him now).

So, best case scenario, he had 8 or 9 available at this point, on top of the 2 or so he fired at Merceus. Now Thales can certainly do some damage with that many, but I sincerely doubt he has the capacity to make any more, so he’s gotta make his shots count, so to speak, especially since firing one runs the risk of exposing Shambhala.

I’ve seen it argued that the Agarthans don’t fire any Javelins in AM because Thales is the only one who had the “firing codes”, but there’s no evidence of this. It’s equally possible that whoever his successor was on their hierarchy simply viewed the Javelins as not worth the risk. They’re weapons of last resort, after all: The Agarthans want to take over the surface, not destroy it. This is why their usual style is infiltration and subterfuge.

Now, what about Ailell you might ask? That happened in ancient times but the  land is still a volcanic hellscape!

Well, for starters, it seems that Ailell wasn’t hit by the javelins all that long ago:

They fell within this old dude’s living memory!

Secondly, the effects of the Javelins hitting Ailell seems wildly different from the other regions struck, so why is Ailell different? Well, Fates, of all games, suggests a possible answer:

Yes. It is a strange phenomenon, but I can explain how it came to be. There is a massive reservoir of oil nearby that has mixed with the water. At some point, hundreds of years ago, the river was set aflame. It may have been a lightning strike, or an accident, but regardless… It has burned ever since. 

Of course, totally different games and scenarios, but it a hypothetical reason for the Javelins behaving so wildly different in one spot from two others.

This brings us to a final point: the devastation of Fodlan in the distant backstory. One clear first-hand account of Fodlan’s destruction comes from Rhea herself:

This seems pretty clear-cut, and it’s been generally held as evident that the ancient Agarthans fired off volleys of their Javelins and destroyed the surface. However, as I’ve already demonstrated, the Javelins don’t appear to have that sort of power.

Interestingly, in Hopes, Epimenides blames Sothis for this:

Of course, it’s very possible that he’s lying, but he’s actually pretty direct and forthright with the party - aside from sending illusions of their loved ones after them, anyways.

Who’s telling the truth here? Who can say. It’s totally possible that both him and Rhea are telling half-truths at best, but it’s not terribly important either way.

The important part is that the Javelins of Light just aren’t the end-all be-all weapons some treat them as. They’re incredibly dangerous, of course, but that’s as much because of what an absurd outside context problem they are for the cast of a Fire Emblem game. They’re dangerous, but they’re also risky to use, and not something to be used carelessly. Thales does use them carelessly because he’s a petty and vindictive man, as he demonstrates multiple times in both games.

Some FE3H pairing requests from Twitter!

Happy kiss day! Or rather, hugs I guess lol

Part 2 of the FE3H pairing requests from Twitter ❤️

Here's Part 3!! It's very purple this time around 😳💜

This is the last one in this series, but I'll have two more bonuses/self indulgence ships coming later 👀