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bbrainrot
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Not me being late for @jonsimsandcats day...

They take in a stray cat even though Martin wasn't thrilled at first, but the cat liked him more in the end. Jon is someone who wants to be liked by all cats, but they ignore him most of the time and Martin is the dad who doesn't want a pet but ends up being inseparable from them.

More important: I saw a very small & round bird this morning

It flew away before I could get a picture. My best attempt at recreating my sighting. The perspective is a little weird but I hope you understand.

Left - Inscription on a Judeo-Babylonian curse bowl, ex Papyri Graecae Magicae 100-400bce

Right - Very Small Round and Ball-Assed Bird, ex Holly Hollowtones 2023ce

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guy whose only ever seen the inscription on a judeo-bablyonian curse bowl when he sees the very small round and ball-assed bird by holly hollowtones:

Well I saw a bird today too but it was diferent bird

I have a new coworker and my boss was like “oh yeah one of the reasons I hired him was because I thought you’d get along”. Which

  1. sort of makes me feel like a cheetah in a zoo getting assigned a service dog to help tame my neuroses
  2. kind of offends me because he’s a mellow nerdy socialist flatcap pinstripe vest beardguy who I’m sure plays accordion or banjo or ukulele, which is a whole Type of Guy
  3. frustrates me because I DO genuinely like and get along with him… goddammit it’s working…

oh he’s bisexual that explains it

“don’t you love when you get to be somebody’s manic pixie dream park ranger?” yeah okay touché boss touché

your boss is deadass adding new species to your enclosure one at a time to see how you adjust to the new stimulus

thespacegoat-deactivated2016100
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bolivia-newton-john

these are so much funnier when you remember that he always carried a gun on set

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viper-2-4

He what

I need a harpoon to clear out my sinuses with. I just blew my nose so hard it went clean through the kleenex like a shotgun blast

I am, as they say, “going through it”

fucking hate the "well it's not technically marriage inequality that disabled people can't get married without losing their benefits because no one's stopping you from getting married" yeah something is stopping us from getting married. Loss of medical care. Homelessness. Hunger. Death. I don't know how to tell you this but SSI is not a thing that you get because you could technically get a job but you don't feel like it. The process is awful, it's dehumanizing and it can take years even if you're clearly disabled. If you can work you do work, and if you can't work you can't afford to lose your "benefits". It's eugenics plain and simple, it came from a time where you could only fuck if you were married and they wanted to de-incentivize disabled people from fucking so we would stop existing.

This isn't an exaggeration, btw. This is literal and accurate.

They also keep the processing times long in an attempt to "weed out those that don't really need it" ie they die or go to work despite not being able to or else they'll die.

My Top 5 GARBAGE fish that suck

Here we go again. After receiving a very high ammount of notes!! (61 UwU) on the last fish list, here's another top 5 no one asked for. I've tried to use the reasoning of ''all fish are good'' but let's be honest, we'd be better off without these. 5. Monkfish🙏

So these things are weird as hell. Their ugliness alone landed them on this list. Not only are they ugly as shit, but they're also mean motherfuckers that eat basically anything. They like to cover themselves in mud and just chill there until something crosses their path which imo is fucking lazy. Some people do eat them as a delicacy apparently(ew?). Props to them for getting over the looks. Ugly/10 5/10 for laziness 4.Hairy Frog Fish💇‍♀️

If you wonder wtf are you looking at, this fish is the living embodiment of that feeling you get when you find hair in your food. This girlie loves to swallow as it's mouth can open to make space for fish almost twice her size so don't go sitting too close 💦 Still, it doesn't take away from the fact that she looks like a mistake. 4/10 appearance 8/10 for the deep throating skills 3. Goblin Shark 👺

First of all, these sharks look like if someone designed a fish based on a child's drawing of a shark. Instead of going the terrifying route and choosing one of these pictures, I opted for a derpy yet still creepy photo. Besides being quite good at ambushing prey, these dudes still tend to eat man made garbage which further argues their position on ''the garbage fish top5™''. They also are basically living fossils since they're old af and most of their body is atrophied. 3/10 appearance 6/10 for still living so long despite everything.

2.Bony-Eared Assfish🍑

This fish is for all ass obsessed fuckers. Grilling this baby and enjoying it counts as eating ass. Some cool facts about him: -The bony-eared assfish has the smallest brain-to-body weight ratio out of all vertebrates. -Assfish are soft and flabby with a light skeleton (so like a real ass) As for personality, they are not what I'd call assholes. They are quite sluggish as they prefer to sort of flap around with short bursts of energy instead of swim. They don't do much besides that which makes them a very underwhelming fish despite the sexy name :( Apparently they were given this name to make up for how utterly boring they are. 2/10 appearance 1/10 Interest in them or what they are good for (spoiler, nothing)

If you're a fish enthusiast, you probably know what's coming at nr.1 🥁 🥁 1. Ocean Sunfish☀️

There are far, faar too many reasons for this fish to be on the first spot. Not only are they the dumbest fish in the whole world, but they also are not good swimmers AT ALL (wtf is with these poorly designed fish who cannot swim??). Scientists are still perplexed at how this fish continues to stay alive. If you want more shitty facts about them, here's a link to a very famous post trashing these bitches. BUT, I have my very own reason to hate the sunfish. One cursed morning, I decided to go get educated about animals and visit Naturalis, a museum in Leiden, The Netherlands. I was having a blast looking at all the beautiful animals showcased, along with the cool facts and atmosphere. I excitedly get to the aquatic creatures floor and mesmerised, I try to take in all the beauty. At the long corridor nearing the exit, I look around admiring the fish that were displayed. Thinking I had seen it all, I move further when I turn a corner and out of nowhere.. . . . . . . . BAM

this GIANT motherfucker, hidden in a corner makes it's presence known. I'm not kidding when I say this thing is huge. Here's a picture of the replica from another angle for size reference. As you can guess, I was legit extremely spooked and actually screamed. :( 0/10 appearence 0/10 fuck this thing. useless and it gave me a heart attack

BONUS: I'm sorry but I think I've tortured myself and you enough, so to make up for it, here's a cute fishy instead: (take him)

Alright thanks for reading and follow for more fish content. Suggest me some more top5's I could do, be it fish related, or whatever your mind decides to curse me with.

webtoon commenter: oh my gods i love my gaybies SO MUCH webtoon is my life T_T (EDIT: ty for all the upvotes aaaa this is my first top comment i- 👁️👄👁️)

deep-sea snailfish in the mariana trench: *moves one inch*