certified dumbass

@asdfghjkl-05

20yo who jumps from one obsession to another

Idea expanded, Rockstar Eddie falling head over heels for Bartender Steve working in a high class club type of joint. He sees him working one night and thinks God damn, he's hot. I'm taking him home tonight.

Except bartender Steve has developed a significant distaste for celebrities and rich people in general because of getting cut off from his homophobic parents for coming out and the general bad way many have treated him at work whilst sloshed. But lucky for Eddie, Steve doesn't recognize him. And even though he started off in a trailer park, the fame has gone to his head a little and he asks Steve out with the full intention of getting into his pants and never seeing him again.

But oh no, would you look at that Steve isn't easy. And what Eddie thought would be a booty call ends up being a ten hour date around the city where he has more fun than he even thought was possible. Just from talking with Steve about anything and everything, flitting to parks and museums. And Eddie doesn't even realize until he's back at his hotel that they didn't even kiss.

And they go out more and more, and Eddie likes him more and more and he finds out where the rich people hate comes from. And it scares him. So he keeps lying. Like an idiot. And he tells Steve a fake last name, he tells him a fake job (which is only half fake because he did used to be a tattoo artist) and he rents an air bnb that he pretends is his own place. And the lies keep getting more elaborate to cover up more lies. And he keeps refusing to meet Steve's friends out of fear that they'll recognize him. And he really just drove himself into a corner here because he is absolutely in love with Steve at this point but how the fuck can you have a normal relationship when you are pretending to be someone else?

Turns out you can't, and Steve finds out the truth despite his efforts. But the twist is, he thinks it's fucking hilarious. After a normal period of What the fuck reaction time he gets over it. But never let's Eddie live it down.

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6/27 Edit: Welp, now there's a fic.

Two fics actually. The other is by KikiZ on ao3 which is great if you're not looking for an explicit fic! Because mine will be. It's also a bit more introspective than what I got going on, and also thus far, hella romantic.

no but do you understand how much i love too many spirits. chaos bartender steven lim. ricky simply Doing His Best. ryan and shane slowly sinking into their chairs throughout the episodes as they become more and more silly and goofy. the easy camaraderie. the way it feels like there’s an inside joke always going on but you’re always a part of it. the cuts to post-bartending steven where he just looks at ryan and shane like they’re idiots. the little songs for the final stories. clowning on stories only to give them high ratings. ratings based on very minimal parts to a story. the themes. spirit cam. boobs_69_420. literally just the perfect show

modern au where eddie and robin are roommates and steve is italian <3

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eddie has always known that his roommate robin is in the US for college, but grew up in and is from italy. sure, sometimes he forgets, because she somehow has a near-perfect american accent and also speaks two other languages, but he’s always known.

and for the past year and a bit, he’s known how much robin wants her best friend stevie to come visit. she talks about them all the time, and ever since she and eddie moved out of the dorms and into an apartment together for their next year of university a month ago, he’s known stevie is going to come and visit.

he just kind of forgot the exact day stevie would be arriving.

so when he, clad in nothing but his garfield pyjama pants and a metallica t-shirt that’s falling apart, walks into the kitchen one morning and sees someone he doesn’t know at the kitchen counter fiddling with their instant coffee machine, he almost shits himself.

luckily, he doesn’t, because he remembers in that split second that stevie was due to arrive last night. but he still flinches pretty hard at the fright and grabs for the nearest grabbable thing, which turns out to be the doorframe. somehow, he makes a noise loud enough to get the mystery person’s attention, and they turn around.

holy shit. eddie did not know stevie is hot. or that stevie’s actually a guy. he kind of just assumed, with the nickname and all? but the man standing there looks like he could’ve been carved by the gods eddie doesn’t believe in, and- eddie realises he’s been staring at the guy for a few seconds now, and decides to talk like a normal human being. he first adjusts his position so he’s no longer holding onto the archway of the kitchen for support, and smiles at the guy.

“hi, you must be stevie?” he offers, and stevie takes a few seconds to process his words before nodding with a smile.

“my name is steve. robbie just is… hm, silly?”

eddie blinks a couple times, because steve has an accent. a thick one. he should’ve expected that, because- hello? they’re both literally from italy. but it catches him off guard, and adds to steve’s hot factor. why didn’t robin warn him about this.

“yeah, robin is very silly.” he agrees with a chuckle, and then realises steve might not know him, “i’m eddie. robin’s roommate. you probably knew that already though, so now i probably look like an idiot. well- more of an idiot than i already do in these clothes…”

he lets his words trail off as he realises steve is frowning at him in subtle confusion. he’s picked up robin’s rambling-when-nervous habit over their friendship, and hot guys tend to make him pretty nervous. but then he realises maybe steve isn’t as fluent in english as robin is, and even if he is eddie’s a fast talker that doesn’t always pronounce things fully.

“i am sorry,” steve looks embarrassed, “my english is not as good as robin.”

eddie feels so guilty at the pink that’s made itself known on steve’s cheeks, and shakes his head immediately.

“no! you don’t need to be sorry. i just talk a lot when i’m nervous.” he confesses. why did he say that? now steve knows he’s nervous. or does he? maybe he didn’t catch his full sentence.

steve raises one eyebrow at eddie though, and one side of his mouth quirks up into a smile as he turns around to keep trying to make himself a cup of coffee.

“i am making you nervous? why?” steve asks, his back still turned. now eddie’s the one with red cheeks. dammit.

“it’s because eddie here thinks you’re hot, stevie.”

eddie’s flinch at robin’s magical appearance behind him is somehow more spectacular than earlier, and he clutches dramatically at his heart and spins around to glare at robin.

“robin! what the fuck, man!” he yelps when he realises what she’s said. but robin isn’t listening, she’s too busy speaking to steve in italian about who knows what.

probably about how she knows all eddie’s tells for when he finds a guy attractive and how she knows eddie’s type and steve checks every single box. or, eddie squints at the pair as robin tsks at steve and takes over manning the coffee machine, maybe robin’s just telling steve how to make a coffee with the machine?

“you think i am…” steve starts as he spins around to look at eddie, and seems to be searching for a word for a few moments, “attractive?”

eddie’s eyes widen, and then he sighs and fixes a glare on robin. robin just shrugs and makes a very insincere ‘oopsie’ expression, and eddie is about to start denying like his life depends on it, but he looks back at steve.

and steve has that blush back on his face, and a tiny smile, and he’s looking eddie up and down even in his ridiculous outfit.

“um, yes.” eddie practically squeaks, not used to having someone’s eyes on him like this.

steve says something to robin in italian that sounds like it ends with a question mark, and robin rolls her eyes.

“steve wants me to translate a pick up line he wants to use on you, but i literally refuse to do that. google translate is free.”

and with that, she leaves the kitchen.

Idea expanded, Rockstar Eddie falling head over heels for Bartender Steve working in a high class club type of joint. He sees him working one night and thinks God damn, he's hot. I'm taking him home tonight.

Except bartender Steve has developed a significant distaste for celebrities and rich people in general because of getting cut off from his homophobic parents for coming out and the general bad way many have treated him at work whilst sloshed. But lucky for Eddie, Steve doesn't recognize him. And even though he started off in a trailer park, the fame has gone to his head a little and he asks Steve out with the full intention of getting into his pants and never seeing him again.

But oh no, would you look at that Steve isn't easy. And what Eddie thought would be a booty call ends up being a ten hour date around the city where he has more fun than he even thought was possible. Just from talking with Steve about anything and everything, flitting to parks and museums. And Eddie doesn't even realize until he's back at his hotel that they didn't even kiss.

And they go out more and more, and Eddie likes him more and more and he finds out where the rich people hate comes from. And it scares him. So he keeps lying. Like an idiot. And he tells Steve a fake last name, he tells him a fake job (which is only half fake because he did used to be a tattoo artist) and he rents an air bnb that he pretends is his own place. And the lies keep getting more elaborate to cover up more lies. And he keeps refusing to meet Steve's friends out of fear that they'll recognize him. And he really just drove himself into a corner here because he is absolutely in love with Steve at this point but how the fuck can you have a normal relationship when you are pretending to be someone else?

Turns out you can't, and Steve finds out the truth despite his efforts. But the twist is, he thinks it's fucking hilarious. After a normal period of What the fuck reaction time he gets over it. But never let's Eddie live it down.

ryan and shane are so sick for having the "is it solved or is it....*tense silence* a mystery" catchphrase like they're literally spitting in the face of buzzfeed every time

there is a universe slightly to our left where ryan and shane are both theater majors instead of cinematography majors that’s crazy

but then they wouldn’t have met, I hear you say, because they wouldn’t have gone to work for the same multimedia production company, but I disagree. I think these guys would’ve found each other even if they were both marine biologists

If Eddie was to play baseball I feel like he would either be an outfielder or a catcher.

I can see him chasing down pop flies and following them as far as he can go even if that means smacking into the wall at full speed or reaching so far over a railling that he actually falls over it off the field.

If he were a catcher he would be the twitchiest, bounciest catcher known to man. He gets foul pop ups no one else would even try for and he loves to tell the batters on the other team little jokes when they're up.

He still has the hair and it sticks out from under his hat. If he gets a home run he does the devil horns with the tongue out as he runs around the bases. His walk up is crazy train.

idk. something about baseball player eddie...

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・❥・ tea — send me a blurb request / headcannon (inspo here and here)

omg maybe “i made some cookies. would you like some” from the neighbors to lovers prompt list with eddie munson pleeaseee🤞😭

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a/n: wooo i hope u like this i love neighbor eddie <3 <3

The longer you stared at the timer the slower time seemed to become, the ticks of the small hand becoming fewer and farther between as you turned on the oven light to check on the state of your cookies. If things continued the way they are now it seemed like they would need an extra ten minutes, just to make sure they were fully baked and you wouldn’t be feeding your new neighbor raw dough. So you sat there, turning the oven lights back on whenever they switched off automatically, your eyelashes fluttering as you stared at the tray inside.

Had you done something wrong? You’d followed the recipe down to the last letter.

The oven alarm went off seconds later, startling you from your thoughts. Opening the oven door, you picked up the tray without a second thought.

shit

The pain shooting through your arm was blinding. You dropped the cookie tray onto the counter just as quickly as you’d picked it up. Running your hand under the tap, you touched the now-tender skin of your palm gingerly, wincing at the slight sting. 

It’s fine, you decided, taking out a bowl from your cabinet. It really wasn’t that serious of a burn. The way your skin prickled when it made contact with the glass directly contradicted that statement, but you chose to ignore it, instead placing the cookies into the bowl one by one. 

The chill of your door knob was a welcome one, soothing the sting for a split second as you stepped outside your house and into the summer heat. Your stomach churned as you started the 15-second journey to your neighbor's house, your shoes slightly dragging on the pavement.

You stopped in front of the door and for a second you hesitated, wondering whether it was really worth it to try and get to know your neighbor. But before you could turn around the door opened, revealing Eddie behind it. His hair was tied up, leaving the stark veins of his neck on display. You didn’t mean to stare, really, but you couldn’t help it, the clear contrast of the green veins against his skin catching your eye.

He interrupted the beginning of your thought process, “D’you want something?”

“I made these,” you breathed, flicking your eyes back to his own.

“Figured,” Your confidence was slowly slipping with each monotone response he offered you.

“And I was wondering if you wanted any?” 

“They chocolate chip?”

You shook your head, “Plain chocolate, that an issue?”

The door swung open and he smiled, “Come on in, sweetheart.”

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steve is like... really good at laser tag.

it was supposed to be a fun double date that wasn't really a date because the kids were all with them too, but steve. he really took it seriously.

it was a wonder he was such a bad fighter, based on this, maybe they should give him a gun? no...

robin, nancy, and eddie watched in curious amazement as steve bobbed and weaved through the dark course. (eddie's not proud to admit that he may have drooled watching steve hop over one of the foam obstacles). "agh! steve, no!" they heard dustin whine in the distance, smiling when steve only cackles in response.

"oh! fuck you steve!" there was mike, "cmon man, i thought we were friends!" lucas, "you're really just gonna stand there and shoot me? im not even playing!" and max.

it was definitely comedic, and a little scary.

they heard his footsteps, "oh shit. he's coming, run!" robin squealed, grabbing nancy's hand and dragging her after her. eddie kept his place in the corner, it was fun but he wasn't really into all that... running or "exercise."

soon enough he was face to face with steve. "hey baby,"

"hey ed's."

"rob and nancy ran that way," eddie said pointing towards their direction. steve grinned, "thanks ed's." he said pressing a kiss to his lips before running away.

distantly, eddie heard nancy and robin shout, and he shook his head. soon enough the lights came back on and the game was over.

now steve wasn't a competitive person, however, he knows when he's good at something, so it wasn't a surprise to eddie when they all trailed out of the arena, a huge smile on steve's face.

the bored employee started, feigning excitement, "okay! the winner is steve ahoy, congratulations steve. yay." steve whooped, doing a stupid little dance, smacking a celebratory kiss on eddie's face, laughing at the kids disdain.

"that's not fair! steve didn't tell us he was super good at laser tag!"

"ha ha!" steve teased, smiling when eddie grabbed his hand. "don't worry, next time he's not allowed to play. only normal people." robin assured, smirking at steve. "oh, so you're not playing either?" he retorted. robin scoffed and rolled her eyes. "what ever laser rambo."

Peter: Hey, Mr. stark can I borrow five dollars? I wanna get some food

Tony: What do you think I am, made of money??

Peter:

Peter: You make more money than the number of people on earth

Tony:

Tony: You're right, here's a 20

imagine hobie giving you a stick n poke ☆

apologies for any inaccuracies, cw: needles, unsafe piercing methods.

Your leg is bouncing nervously as Hobie is setting everything up next to you. He even went as far as to get himself a pair of surgical gloves. Where he got them? No idea.

"Quit bouncin'," he chides you, voice devoid of any real anger. "Sorry, just nervous," you say softly as you watch him carefully pouring the ink in a container. "Don't be," is all he says in return and you roll your eyes.

"I'm serious," he adds, almost as if he sensed your eye roll, even though he wasn't looking at you. "It won't hurt that bad. Plus it'll look cool as hell," he smiled, and it calmed your nerves after all. You really had no reason to be nervous, anyway. Sure, this wasn't being done under the most sanitary circumstances, but you trusted Hobie. After all, it wasn't the first time you'd let him do something like this. He had given you a nose piercing a few months ago. It was done with a safety pin, but it healed surprisingly well.

He wipes your upper arm clean, getting a marker and lightly drawing the desired design; a small star. You're a little suprised at his ability to draw a star so perfectly and without shaky hands, but he has done this hundreds of times before, so you shouldn't really be shocked.

The first feeling of the needle piercing your skin makes you flich involuntarily. You had Hobie's thigh in a death grip, grabbing onto anything to distract you from the repeating sting.

After a while his hands left your arm and he wiped away the extra ink. "First round's done," he murmurs, looking at you and smiling. "You're doin' good, dove," he added as he prepared for the next round. A few rounds later and the star's now pigmented enough and he wipes away the last bit of ink. He applies a thin layer of Vaseline and wraps it up for you, placing a soft kiss over the bandage. "Thanks Hobs," you smile.

He raises his hand and you laugh, lifting your arm and giving him a high five. He grips your hand in his and brings it to his lips, placing a small kiss on the back of your hand. "See? It wasn't that bad," he smiles. "Took it like a real champ, dove," and you smile at him like a lovesick puppy.

It’s a small thing in the overall narrative, but I can’t get over how tactile Hobie is. Play-fighting with Pavitr, throwing his arms around Pav and Miles’ shoulders, how he holds Mayday so gently!! It’s so refreshing to see the too-cool-for-you character be subverted in the way Hobie is, where his rebellious attitude isn’t just cynical edginess (like a lesser writing team would give him) but a guy who can/will fight for what he believes in while acting as the hype-man for his friends, and I think his physically affectionate nature is a fantastic way to visually convey that. After all, there’s nothing more punk than radical love. God I adore this movie

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"Season 5 is in production"

"No we’re not. We’re on strike. Are you okay France???" "Aren’t you French on strike all the time?? Of all the counties to get this wrong..."

can you believe the duffer brothers just murdered netflix france