I will be like "I'm fine" and then another fucking event will occur
I just had. An experience.
So a woman comes in to my work and asks to use the bathroom. Okay, normal. She happens to be a beautiful woman—not my type, but, you know, classically beautiful in the way that makes you a little bashful to talk to anyway.
She comes out a little bit later to say that the soap dispenser is empty. She’s holding her hands up—purple nail polish—clearly distressed by her exposure to filth and unwilling to touch anything until that can be fixed. I am nothing if not eager to help (knight complex) (beautiful) (purple nail polish) so I leap up and run to the supply room for the refill bottle.
I wedge the bathroom door open, you know, for her comfort, she’s standing there (beautiful) watching me, I’m silently pretending that she must be secretly impressed by my ring of keys (like the song), I’ve got a bit of a swagger on maybe (purple nail polish). I open the soap dispenser expecting an empty canister. It doesn’t look empty. I stick my fingers in (looks can be deceiving) and it’s completely full, freshly refilled, now I’m suddenly aware that she’s still watching me over my shoulder and I’m sticking my fingers into a hole (purple nail polish) and ha-ha-ha, it’s only a little suggestive with the soap, forget about it.
I struggle with the soap dispenser, she’s still watching me, I realize that whoever filled it last didn’t prime it. “I have to prime it,” I say, for some reason I have to explain out loud (beautiful).
I reach for the, uh, tube at the bottom. It hangs down about four inches. It’s rubbery. Yielding. But, uh, firm. I have to. Squeeze it. Repeatedly. She’s watching me still. Soap is leaking out of the release valve on the cap and onto my hands. Still no soap is coming out.
There’s probably congealed soap near the tip blocking the opening, I realize, and try to covertly squeeze it to check. Like. An udder. I’m massaging it (purple nail polish) and she’s still watching me. I glance up in the mirror. Her expression behind me is unreadable. Her eyes are fixed on the little rubber phallus I am stroking. I’m sweating.
“I have to…” I begin. I panic. I don’t know how to finish my sentence. I can’t say anything that can be construed as sexual. “…Milk it,” I say. A mistake. Now it somehow sounds more sexual than if I had said “jack it off”. I could have played that as a roguish joke. Milk it doesn’t sound roguish, it sounds creepy. The clogged soap comes free. White translucent liquid soap spurts all over my hands. There is a terrible sound accompanying it. She says “eugh!” over my shoulder. I try to rinse my hands and the soap container off with water before putting it away but soap just keeps leaking out, it’s everywhere. Why does it have to be white? Why does it have to be this consistency? Why is the suspensor tube shaped… like that (couldn’t it be just a little bit bigger if it had to be shaped Like That?) Why did she have to stand there watching me?
From here on out I’m just buying fucking pump bottles for the bathroom. Jesus fucking Christ.
I just.
You know.
I mean really look at it. I had it braced against my body because it was so slippery so like. Experience this horror with me in my shoes.
Important addition: OP deactivated the day after posting this.
it’s so sad what happened to them. a damn shame.
mielnah-deactivated20220722
we need more men in STEM (Stockings, Tight pants, Eyeliner, Mesh tops)
okay besties everyone put in their tags what theyre majoring or what they majored in im so curious
cause of death: tried to organize an activity with more than 2 friends at once past the age of 25
Gomez and Morticia Addams got divorced. I woke up mortified and with a sense of inexplicable dread.
Fun facts of the day!
- State charges cannot be pardoned by the President of the United States. They have to be pardoned by the governor of the state in which the crime was committed
- the governor of Georgia does not have pardon power, that power was stripped in 1943 by the Georgia state legislature
- TV cameras are forbidden in federal court. TV cameras are permitted in state court. It’s already been stated that Donald Trump’s Georgia trial will be televised
- Donald Trump will be booked, processed, fingerprinted, and have his mug shot taken just like any other person who enters the Fulton country jail. They don’t believe in special treatment down there
- the Georgia RICO statue carries a 5 year mandatory minimum sentence which cannot be revoked by a judge
Comment of the year
are they part of the binary or are they...*pretends to lick ice cream from cone* ?
Ma’am. What are you doing. You can’t be here.
This is my childhood home and my babies will grow up here too.
Ma’am. This is an orphanage.
And?
Good point. Welcome home, ma’am.
I AM FINE I’M NOT CRYING
went to the cop slide and got yelled at by a cop
@solardrifter the park is closed i think but also it’s being patrolled by people who hate fun
bro this quote made it into the boston globe 🥲
my girl so morally ambiguous idk if i should call her good girl or bad girl in bed
having ethically debatable sex with my morally ambiguous wife
johnnylawgottagun-deactivated20
The guitars of Tinariwen, a Sahara based Tuareg rock band.
everyday i wake up and i go “god i’m so tired. i can’t do this anymore.” and then i get up and i continue to do it
Just realized that the reason I love making friends on tumblr is because it’s exactly how you make friends on the playground as a six year old. No, I don’t know their name but they love mermaids too and built this awesome sand castle. No, I don’t know their age but their imaginary cheetah is friends with mine. You like this show? You like this character?? You can sing the theme song really loud??? Here is a flower crown. Here is a juice box. You can share my time and I might never see you again but part of you stays in my soul forever. In my mind we’re still on the swing set and the sky is blue and nothing will ever be wrong again.
This is god-tier sociological analysis.
i love tumblr because there's always someone who knows how to express what i feel better than me