i’m tired of “how to help a partner with [x mental illness]” guides that assume that the other partner has no issues of any kind; i want more discussion of how to balance the differing mental health needs of multiple people in a relationship

So my partner and I have been together almost two years, and we both suffer from anxiety, BPD, and a handful of other mental illnesses, and here’s some things that help us out immensely.

communication is key. Tell your partner if you’re having a bad day. Listen when your partner says they’re having a bad day. It’s easier to be careful with someone when you know they’re already having a bad day. I can’t stress this enough - communication is always important in relationships; but it’s doubly so when one or both of you has a mental illness. You have to trust your partner to be able to be honest with you about what they’re feeling and how their illness is affecting them, and you need to be honest with them, too. ask questions. If your partner is struggling, asking them questions to help you understand how to help them can be good. Remember that ‘I don’t know’ is a valid answer, and it is one that you can also give. be reminders for each other. It can be super hard to remember to do simple things for yourself; it can be easier to remember to remind your partner to do them. My partner reminds me about medication, food, etc., and I do the same for him - it helps a lot. use safewords. And I don’t mean in the kinky sense. My partner and I have a series of words that mean different things, because sometimes it can be hard to say ‘I’m swinging’ or ‘I’m having a panic attack’ or ‘this subject is upsetting me for x y z’ reason. It’s easier to say one syllable - ‘swing’ for rapidly cycling emotions, ‘count’ for panic attacks (so one of us can count breaths for the other). We have words that mean ‘drop this subject now’ and words that mean ‘please don’t touch me’. We also have hand signals for days when one or both of us are nonverbal, and we revert to texting on those days. be willing to give each other space.  But don’t necessarily go far. If you need your space, tell your partner; if your partner needs their space, make sure they can still access you.  acknowledge each other’s illness. Don’t pretend it isn’t there. Ignoring it doesn’t make it go away. Acknowledge that they’re there, acknowledge that sometimes they may come in conflict with each other, and learn how to take a step back when it becomes a problem. call each other out. If your partner is repeatedly doing things that are detrimental to themselves/your relationship/you, call them on it. Don’t do it in an asshole way - just sit down with them and be like ‘hey, you’ve been doing this thing that is really sucky lately, and it needs to stop.’ Likewise, listen when you’re being called out. It’s really easy to get stuck in shitty loops when your brain is sick, and sometimes you don’t know what you’re doing ‘til someone points it out. This hurts! And it sucks! But it’s part of acknowledging your illnesses. It doesn’t do any good to let bad habits continue, even if there’s a reason they’re happening. learn to forgive. When you’ve both got brain issues going on, it’s inevitable that people are going to say things they don’t mean, and that is going to hurt. The important thing is being able to recognize when you’ve messed up and apologize sincerely, and accept it when your partner apologizes. These are just some things that work for us. Add to the list if you can and I hope this helps.

I have finally done it: I have done a process of how i paint weeeeheeee This is a quick tutorial of how i paint portraits (since thats mostly all i do lol) excuse my unprofessional language. I just tried to transcribe the dialogue that was going on tin my head. As you can see there is a lot of junk stuffed in there (・ω・●) I just want to thank all the kind people who have sent me messages and kind regards. The love in the air is drowning my lungs. This is how i paint generally. I have also been asked how I started painting with colors. A while after I moved to the States, I had an art teacher and he put me under a limited palette method: it was painting with just ultramarine blue, brown sienna, and white. It was meant to teach you how to use warm and cold contrasts. Then slowly he allowed me to use other colors. I’ve grown used to thinking about contrast all day now. There are still many things i’d like to improve. I’m chasing after a few masters. The illustrators I LOVE LOVE LOVE are: George Barbier, Kay Nielsen, Ivan Biblin and Leyendecker. You probably know them already. Their stuff is only too good. So here you go!!! I hope you will enjoy it :)

Who watches The Watchmen, Ana Miminoshvili

Tokyo Mew Mew (Animage, 03/2003)

Card Captor Sakura illustrated by Kumiko Takahashi (Newtype, 06/1998)  

Record of Lodoss War: Chronicles of the Heroic Knight - opening theme (Newtype, 06/1998)    

I’ve done a lot of emoji meme requests the past couple months so  I’mma group some together. KH characters were the most requested by far (my followers know me well lol) 

I wish I could bury my face in your chest, my hand in your hair and fall asleep in your arms for once feeling like I’m at home.

advice from my therapist…

your happiness is yours.

it is not dependent on anyone else. it does not change with someone else’s level of happiness or success.

your happiness is yours.

own your happiness.

I should have been a Prince

Witchboy! And his cat familiar :>

request night, thanks for coming ~

🌺 My nipples are male presenting now. 🌺

(he/him trans guy)

Some non-binary awareness pictures I made for a russian nb blog

these are magnificent!!!

My emotions are valid*

*valid does not mean healthy, or good, or to be privileged above common sense and kindness

A distinction for anyone who is young and hasn’t figured this out yet:

You are allowed to have whatever emotions you want. No one can control your emotions. Emotions are healthy responses to things.

You are not allowed to have behaviors that are harmful just because you have certain emotions. Your behaviors are what you can control, and they are far easier to control than your emotions.

You can be jealous about someone or their talents until you turn green, but it is harmful to yourself and to that person if you try to sabotage them because of it. You can be so angry you can literally feel your temperature rise, but this does not give you permission to rage at others.

Your emotions are valid. They are always valid. You are a person of value. However, you behaviors are not always justified just because of those emotions. You may not be able to control you emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.

“You may not be able to control your emotions, but you can certainly control your behaviors.”

things that made me stop wanting to die that require no effort whatsoever

Almost all of these are about variety. Humans need stimulation! We need enrichment! We literally cannot do the same thing every day!

The other day I was feeling miserable, so I hopped on a bus and rode it all the way back to where I’d started, and my brain, which had finally had some proper stimulation via new environments, was suddenly ready to go again!

This is why taking walks/drives and trying new hobbies are good for you! Don’t turn yourself into a sad zoo animal! You need some pumpkins to roll around in your enclosure!

Every shamrock emoji rated by me, the world’s biggest fan of the Oxalis genus

Very nice venation! Only issue is the lack of discernible petioles. The leaves seem to join the stem as they would on a molded plastic toy. 9/10

I’m bitter about this design almost entirely because when I search for enamel pins of shamrocks, they all look exactly like this with no variation. Only saving grace is instant iconographic readability. 4/10

Props for having a distinctive art style, but honestly this looks more like something an elephant would wear to a masquerade ball than a group of leaves. 5/10

It’s a little bit jelly-candy-esque, but I’m digging the shading. Similar to the Apple emoji, the main flaw is the lack of petioles, though the leaves are also arranged rather sloppily… they’re squished on one side instead of being more radial. 8/10

Small, cute, lovable. The artist has noticed that the basal pair of leaves in the group are not exactly the same shape as the top leaf, and I could kiss them for it. 10/10

This one is like the Google emoji, but even sloppier. 3/10

Finally…. at long last… PETIOLES! A CHRISTMAS MIRACLE! Shading is simple but gets the job done. 10/10

I’ve never seen a more meh-looking Oxalis in my life. If an emojis had flavor, this one would be untoasted white sponge bread. 4/10

If you’ve gotta go with a cartoony look, this is vastly preferable to Microsoft’s elephant masquerade. 7/10

The leaves are all one unit, growing out of the center stem. What is this, miner’s lettuce? A water lily with chunks missing?? Get your connate-perfoliate garbage out of my thread. 0/10

Colorscript / WIP layouts de mon court métrage II

Phase II

my new shop  → https://basilegodard.bigcartel.com/