Mae Govannen

Anger is often portrayed as a “bad” emotion and honestly, anger isn’t inherently bad.

For me, my anger was the part of me that realized I deserved better. It was a part of my healing. It was me putting the blame where it belonged and not on myself.

Anger can be a problem if it becomes destructive. But productive anger exists. And your anger is a valid feeling.

So, going by the idea of "every truly great story has a random Texan" (see: Dracula, His Dark Materials), I asked my Tolkien encyclopedia wife what race/culture in The Lord of the Rings is the Texan equivalent. They got real mad when I suggested the Rohirrim (because horse culture, I didn't actually think that was the answer but I wanted to provoke my wife), and... I'm gonna step aside so my wife can rant about who in LotR is the actual Random Texan.

Horse =/= Texan.

See the thing about the Texan is that they’re alien, they think overly much of themselves, and they’re not actually as good at shit as they think they are.

You know who hits all those buttons?

LEGOLAS GREENLEAF.

1) he’s not familiar to the POV characters, being an elf.

2) He and all Silvan elves think very highly of themselves even when it’s not really justified anymore.

3) he foregoes a saddle in a situation where riding bareback is actively harder and more inclined to overexertion, probably bc he doesn’t actually know how to handle a saddle but is, bc of point 2, unwilling to reveal he has no idea what the fuck he’s doing.

Legolas Greenleaf is the Texan of Lord of the Rings.

I was thinking the dwarves myself, but yeah, this fits.

dwarves are miners, misunderstood, and live in the ancient mountains. Dwarves are Appalachian.

This is going to sound like I'm taking the piss, but I swear I'm not.

Where would we put orcs geographically, then? New Jersey?

A cursed hellhole that was once fertile earth, but is now blackened and twisted, and there is a toll to all who enter and leave? A place where petty status-boasting and backstabbing are the rule of the day? Yeah, I'd say that orcs are from New Jersey. 😉

....I mean I was going to say "bloodthirsty and hostile," but you went way more poetic than me.

Appalachian Dwarves

I mean... what is "Far Over The Misty Mountains Old" if not a somber, minor-key Dwarven rendition of "Take Me Home, Country Roads"?

if tumblr ever starts forcing us to censor kill and die and murder and fuck and cunt and fag i’m deleting my account and starting an email chain with the mutuals

Wait I just thought about it and it might be cute to bring back wholesome church camp swear-swaps like frick,heck, jeez, mothertrucker. Sometimes the way ppl post we might need a lil. Swear jar,,

absolutely fucking not.

I still use "heck" depending on the context. "Heckin cute" just sounds more wholesome than "Fucking cute". It's all in the tone.

Also it's sometimes so much funnier to use non swears.

I still think about that scene from Night In The Woods where (spoilers) Mae has a near death experience and a mascot shark in the darkness says "You've been Danged to Heck" and laugh about it.

You're all missing the point luvs 💚 peace and love

"No guys don't worry getting censored is like, soooooo fun we can have sleepover activities like making up words that are less impactful to not upset advertisers " SHUT the fuck up please

you ever accidentally create a recurring theme in your writing. you start putting together an outline for something you’ve never written before and get partway through planning, rearrange the pieces, and go “GODDAMMIT THIS IS ABOUT GRIEF AGAIN”? because let me tell you,

I really cannot stress enough that this lady did NOT design wedding websites, nobody asked her to do so, and furthermore nobody accused her of violating the law in question and the state took no legal action against her. She had had no injury to speak of and had no standing to sue, not that that matters to the supreme court I guess

girl help i’m having creation ideas above my skill level

girl help i'm having creation ideas above my motivation level

girl help I’m having creation ideas above my free time level

oh hey, someone put that thing i was mad about yesterday into words!

I couldn't agree more with OP here.

excellent point by tumblr user zaxal

trying to figure out the funniest crackpot stance on who is the current Roman emperor, and accepting suggestions (tenuous historical justification required)

Roman empire invaded and dismantled into two Romes. Happens a lot in roman history.

West Rome given to Charliemane king of the franks and now king of the Romans.

Karlings die off Barbarossa the German reclaims rule of Rome via the right of the patriarch of Rome.

Habsburgs of Switzerland rule over the Romans from the seat of Austria.

Nationalism rises France attacks and the Habsburgs abandon the rule of Rome. Italians Spanish and Germans also go nationalist. Romans no longer.

Eastern rome (Russia) invades and dismantles the fascists.

Rome reformed under new flag of European union.

Conclusion: Incumbent Ursula von der Leyen is the legitimate consul of Rome.

hey writers if you want to make a metaphor for racism, please maybe remember that racism is literally based on nothing. Africans weren’t enslaved en masse because the Robo-Musa threatened to destroy the world, they were enslaved because it was economically rewarding and politically convenient. If at any point your allegory for racism includes “so <oppressed group> did this major catastrophe and” then you have not only missed the point but you are literally reinforcing the ideas that racism have let racism self-perpetuate (that e.g. black people are naturally dangerous and violent and must be contained or begrudgingly accepted by the Nice White People)

Concept: A supervillain with a complete mismatch between their outfit, their name, their powers, and the puns they make.

Like, they’d have a blue and yellow outfit with lightning patterns, but their powers are to control glass and plastic, their name is Master Inferno, and they make bird puns.

And now you’ve thrown the hero off their rhythm

Spider-Man would be furious. A real reverse-uno on his shenanigans.

Making fat jokes about Guillermo del Toro is something that's never occurred to me because it's genuinely such impressively loser shit that it kind of wraps back around to being funny, like it sounds like a fucking dril tweet

"I cannot, in good Conscious, watch the pinocchio Movie , due to opposing the glorification of obesity "

Anyway I'm not a "some people deserve to be bullied" type but when I heard this my hands, as though controlled by a force not their own, jerked forward in a brief but violent attempt to steal lunch money

If you're posting on AO3, this isn't something you have to worry about as an individual, they did it for you. They added the flag that tells Common Crawl not to scrape their website, and implemented a few backend features that also help limit "robot" access to their website.

If you're posting on your own website you can look up how to implement these yourself!

Ah, thank you for the info!

a comic about progress

Everybody give it up for columnar jointing

Woo! Yeah! Woohoo! Yippee! Hell yeah! Woo!

I definitely make spaghetti sauce extremely wrong but I'm not going to stop

Chop 1 onion and put it in a pot.

Add 1 or 2 cans of diced tomatoes. Whatever makes the ratio of onion look right.

Add a ridiculous amount of frozen peas. Peas should make up a notable portion of this sauce.

Add frozen corn also if you wanna be real fancy. If I have bacon, I'll add that too, but I very rarely have bacon.

Cook on HIGH.

While sauce is cooking, grab the nearest bottle of mixed spices that isn't obviously for desserts. Add some. How much? I dunno, enough that you feel like you've added seasoning so it's technically cooking. (For me this is most often a mix called Moroccan, but it could be anything. I've reorganised my kitchen recently so tonight it was something called Pizza Topping.)

If you happen to have green herbs lying around, add those too. Whatever you have on hand that's green.

Let the sauce boil on HIGH until all the water is gone. Stir occasionally so the saucepan will be easier to clean later. Serve on cooked spaghetti noodles with no cheese.

Today I added a new step called "while the sauce is cooking, duck out for 15 seconds to post about spaghetti sauce on Tumblr, then get distracted and forget you are cooking." This adds a novel Extremely Burnt edge to the flavour profile.

I am not Italian, or of Italian descent by *any* stretch of the imagination.

I am also not one of those "cooking purists", who believes that everything must be done in a specific/ traditional way (unless you are making a cooking video with the title "how to make x" in which case if you don't specify mid video that your way is not traditional god help you).

I am a firm believer in "If it tastes good, then it is correct for you".

Except in this case.

This hurts every cooking bone in my body. The latent ancestors in my soul. The judgmental elf in my brain just bit a cyanide capsule.

Why? The spices. Using a different spice mix every time, based on what is ready at hand just ... hurts.

Absolurl I deranged, Derin. Food crimes.

I don't know what sweating the onions means

It means. It means you cook em a little in a pan with a bit of oil first.

A pan? How many dishes do you want me to have to wash here?

I mean you can also do it in the same pot you're making the spaghetti sauce in! The important thing is the onions get a little cooked before the wet stuff goes in, so they're not so wet and limp and boiled....

Honestly this depends entirely on whether I remember to chop an onion first or I find the can opener for the tomatoes first. The ingredients go in in whatever order they go in.

Derin who hurt you

A pack of wild chefs herded my mother off a cliff

Theres probably a hit out on you for this

What kind of stupid idiot would waste money assassinating someone who's so clearly going to accidentally poison themself for free at some point

#op out here makin warm salsa#qqq

Well when you put it like that it sounds bad

You've never met me but I want you to know that you have described exactly how I make pasta sauce

We shall have a summer wedding

Derin, derin im going to send you pasta sauce in an envelope

I've spent all day trying to articulate a thought on how Copyright has been elevated to a moral code, a system of magic, and an egregore utterly divorced from anything real. even beyond its material effects, the sanctity of Intellectual Property is defended at all scales in a very unnerving way

i do think the supreme court is very funny because liberal hegemony exerts tremendous ideological pressure to frame all political struggle outside its narrowly prescribed limits illegitimate and impossible but then when liberals want to effect (liberal!) change firmly within those limits they also just simply can't. like the crushing force of ideological domination telling everyone 'you can only do what's possible within the framework of the US bourgeois republic' all the time and then when someone who has fully bought into that framing is like 'well what if we packed the court that's literally fully within all the laws and framework of the capitalist liberal order' theyre like 'lol lmao fuck no' like you gotta laugh

The darkly funny thing about it is that packing the court is never a serious suggestion. Roosevelt used the threat to get his way, actually following through on it would be a recipe for an exponentially expanding and increasingly illegitimate judicary. From the perspective of US liberals, bad idea, yet the threat has historically gotten them results and would still work fine. But the people in charge of the liberal wing of US establishment politics refuse to even put the threat on the table. It's like your master tenant has a sign outside saying "ATTENTION: WE ARE UNARMED AND OUR LOCKS DON'T WORK" and your shit keeps getting jacked and every time you ask him to take the sign down he buys a bigger one, and patiently explains it's the principle of the thing

Good for this person. This is exactly what you do. Screw the job.

I had a job that made me work an all nighter, 30 hours straight, over Thanksgiving. I resigned that Monday and it was one of the most satisfying decisions I’ve ever made.

Part 3:

Please pay attention to all the manipulation tactics this boss uses, because they’re pulling out every trick in the book.

This is like a 101 course in how employers use guilt trips to coerce you into putting up with their bullshit. This is precisely why you should never trust those employers who insist that they’re “like a family.” They are not. It’s just a ruse so that your boss can neg you into putting your job ahead of your actual life.