The “I Would Rather Get Hit By a Car Than Get Attached To a Person Again” Squad

Gemini, Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces

one of my fav things about spider-verse was that we’re used to with like peter and gwen and the like when they get their powers they use them for personal gain at first before something bad happens that makes them learn the whole responsibility selflessness lessons and then they actively choose the hero route but in this miles was just immediately like ‘oh fuck I’m a superhero now oh fuck oh fuck oh shit I’m a superhero what do I do’ like he literally never even had a moment where he contemplated another path. he was worried he was gonna be terrible at it but he immediately accepted he had to save people with no prompting it was so cute 

Miles: On one hand, my dad hates Spiderman

Miles: on the other hand, if he found out i had spiderman powers and wasn’t saving the day, he’d be disappointed

I just remembered I said “thank you for your service” to the barista at Starbucks like she was a fucking WW2 vet

Seriously tho tumblr whats up with the tagging system

Patrick?

Happy is Morgan’s Jarvis

softly but with feeling: fuck

there is nothing you can say that will make me stop occasionally putting a q tip in my ear to remove ear wax. i know the ear is self cleaning. i know it doesnt need to be done at all, and in rare cases where earwax buildup actually does need to be removed this is absolutely not the way. i know theres a risk of serious injury to the inner ear. i know there is no material benefit and it can only do harm. but heres the deal: i dont care. im fully aware and im going to do it anyway. im fucking crazy.. but im free

when i was a teenager it felt very revolutionary to be cruel to myself. like some kind of slow passive protest against how much everything hurt. i starved myself of sleep and food and tenderness because it felt right. it felt sharp and angry and radical and i wanted to be those things. adulthood is the realisation that the world is already working to cut into you well before you learn how to do it yourself. caring for yourself and others is the real protest

80s movies: lets see how much plastic and colored foam we can record

90s movies: lets have a child do something magical for 3 and a half hours

2000s movies: lets have a guy with no chin try to fuck a blonde girl covered in denim that looks like a bunch of elbows taped onto paris hilton

2010s movies: lets have handsome men fight each other, but in such a way that it costs 200 billion dollars

a good evolution

Memes have become so heavily context-dependent that they briefly spawned a side-phenomenon of corporations mistakenly assuming that the image combinations are simply random, and that “randomness” is what the new generation finds humorous, and then deliberately creating nonsense ads in a desperate attempt to appeal to the youth, which went on for several years before they finally started hiring younger social media managers.

anyone not in school anymore just, like, suddenly miss having homework?? idk it could just me but i am craving some fucking multiplication sheets right about now

OH YEAH THATS THE GOOD SHIT AAAAHHHHHHH

oh thats easy 8x2=

x

The struggle. The uneven tear. The cat fucking stomping the chocolate getting it everywhere. This video has it all.

Im fucking crying

brb gonna go be sad and not know why

me until like october thanks to clim8 change

Holy shit. Yesterday night I saved this in my draft and in morning woke up to this.

Eye-

forever mood: what is even going on???