this doesn’t fit my blog at all but i had to post it here because this story is legit the wildest thing i’ve seen this month and everyone needs to see it. unmute this I PROMISE YOU WON’T REGRET IT

omg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

isn’t it creepy that from the day you are born you start to die

Actually! Fun fact!

If “starting to die” is defined as “cells start dying at a faster rate than they are replaced” then you don’t start dying the day you’re born! You’re still growing and cells are still being replaced pretty quick for about 22 to 25 years!

So 25. THAT’S when you start to die!

:D

Ask any 25 year old and they will confirm

This is true.

aimless efforts

this is the best comic ive ever seen

This is the most adorable thing I’ve seen in awhile. 13/10 would watch twice.

@gentlenoot

this post has fucked me up more than any other on this site

Okay but no, do you understand what happens to a caterpillar once it’s in its cocoon? It completely turns into goo. That’s right, GOO. The damn thing dissolves and the reforms into the butterfly. Even crazier, the wings of the butterfly are already inside the caterpillar, ready to go, just waiting to float around in some goo and then be a beautiful butterfly. The craziest part?!? A study was done where some caterpillars were exposed to a certain smell and then given an electric shock so eventually the caterpillar associated the smell with the shock. Well after those little hairy noodles came out of the their cocoons as butterflies, they exposed them to the smell again and the butterflies reacted super negatively, as if they were being shocked. A.K.A. not only is there wings floating around in that goo cocoon, there is also a brain, the same, unaltered brain as the caterpillar. The butterfly can recall its days as a caterpillar even after basically being turned into soup. And then it all somehow gets its shit together to be a stupid majestic little beast, and I can’t even remember where I put my damn phone.  

THIS IS FUCKING CRAZY

Bring back the phase of society where having your tiddies all the way out was fine but showing ankle flesh was scandalous

i know this is aiming at 17. and 18. and 19. century fashion, but i really wanna bring back those dresses that only basically start under the boobs, like that little number Minoan snake goddess figurine is wearing

that was actually what i was thinking of! ive been obsessed with that figure since i was her in a history book as a kid lmao 

 the ultimate look!!! 2 titties out 2 snakes in hand 

titties out, snakes up, she’s ready 2 go

ankles: covered

snakes: up

titties: out

I am forcibly removed from the historical narrative

i really love our generation’s joke trend of like, very calm but incredibly inflated hyperbole. like nobody says “oh she’s pretty” anymore we say “i would willingly let her murder me” and everyone is just like “lol same”

i think “same” is also great and “me,” i love when somebody reblogs a picture of like, a lizard, and just says “me” and we all know exactly what they mean. the current online Humor Discourse is remarkable because we trade exclusively in metaphors and implications and nobody ever, ever says anything outright and yet EVERYBODY understands each other perfectly

this is peak Craigslist

UPDATE

I have fruit polos and lollypops be jealous.

omg do many people not know what fruit polos are? they are heaven

In America, we call them lifesavers. They can be chewy or hard candy. 

polos aren’t chewy and they also come in mint.

this week on: britan thinks its special

This week on america copies everything from Britain.

This week on: Britain steals things from other countries.

things are heating up in the candy fandom

THE ENDING WHEN KAREN FLIPS HER SKIRT AND SAYS WORK GAVE ME CHILLS

74 high school students from 37 regional programs across America will compete for the Jimmy® for Best Performance by an Actor and Actress!

Artist Hank Schmidt travels to scenic locations only to paint the pattern on his own shirt.

chaotic neutral

You’re welcome

This is the most useful thing I’ve ever reblogged.

i used to think when people said my cousin twice removed that their cousin must’ve did some fucked up shit to get kicked out of the family twice

this sounds like a terrible clickbait

*shrieks of utter joy* My childhood!

I’ve read all of these. And my favorite is all of them!

Alexander shaped my life tbh

even with those four numbers there are countless possible combinations good luck with figuring out which one is the right one you punk

*straightens calculator*

It’s pretty likely that it’s a four digit number, and as there are four digits chosen there, that means that there cannot be any repetition. This mean that there are:

n!/(n-4)! possible orders. As ‘n’ is 4 (number of digits available). 4!/0! which becomes 4x3x2x1/1 which simplifies to 24. That means that there are 24 possible combinations of codes. This would take you about two or three minutes to input all possible codes.

Unless an alarm goes off if you don’t get it right in 3 tries

*straightens calculator again*

Kick the fucking door in

well ‘technically’ the code is most likley 1970. statistically, a majority of people, when told to choose a 4 digit code will choose their birth year. and this key pad is obviously a few years old to put it nicely, thats most likley it. 

some sherlock holmes shit just went down over here

No, no, no. Don’t base your deductions of psychology. Let’s talk chemistry. When you first press a button, there’s more of the natural oils on your skin, and therefore it wears down the numbers on the keys faster. Obviously 0 is the first one, then. Try 0791 first.

Sherlock out.

woah.

it got better

and this is why the sherlock fandom could either rule the world or end it….

Close, but not quite, I think. People will almost always choose a number they can remember. What’s memorable about 0791? Try 0719 - a birthday, 19th of July. That is more likely.

Those deductions are great and all, but unnecessary.

The light is green.

The door is already open.

And that’s why we have a John Watson.

This is “top 10 favorite posts” level.

Omg, it’s actually on my dash! This post is like a fossil!

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain. She and her husband were ecstatic. When they got home, the mailman was dead on the porch.

OH MY GOD I HAVE BEEN READING THIS FOR MONTHS NOW I GET IT

I DONT GET IT

Margaret Atwood on The Handmaid’s Tale in a 2012 interview  (via this-is-sar)