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@arixbethh-blog

Sadgirl™
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Hey baby, can I call you baby? God damn, I’m sorry, you have her to say that now. Well anyways, I hope you’re okay, I really fucking miss you. I probably shouldn’t be saying any of these things but I had my friend get me fucked up tonight. You always told me how good a few shots were for feeling something, and cigarettes helped you realize you were breathing. But truth be told, I’ve never felt sicker than now. Wait, no, there was that day you told me you didn’t love me anymore. I haven’t felt much since then, and that was about 5 months ago, so maybe this sickness is actually a good feeling but I’ve been so numb I forgot the difference between good and bad. I just wanted to tell you that I never loved you. Fuck, that’s not right, I loved you more than I love the smell of the ocean or the way rain sounds when it hits the pavement. I loved you more than God loved his only son, maybe that’s why I was okay letting you kill me. You’re such a fucker you know that? You killed me for sport then skinned my soul and used me as a fucking rug. I hate you I hate you, I love you goddamnit. This will probably be the last thing I ever tell anyone, I hope you know it’s not your fault, I would never want you to feel bad. Tell my parents I loved them, watch after my little brother will you? I watched after your little sisters even after you left. You might want to check up on them, one of them is drowning herself in short skirts and boys while the other doesn’t sleep at night, she reminds me too much of myself. I wouldn’t want her to end up this way. Well baby, I guess this is goodbye. It was never much of a hello in the first place. I wish you the best and when you and her get married, maybe I’ll be able to watch. I’m not sure how this dead stuff works yet but I will be so happy to see who makes you smile more than I ever could. Oh, one more thing before I go babe, please, don’t let my parents see my body, there are notebook lines all over because I ran out of paper one night and after I made them I realized I had nothing to write.

a suicide note I’ve wanted to write for a long time (via occasionalcolor)

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purplebuddhaproject
Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.

Iain S. Thomas, Intentional Dissonance (via purplebuddhaproject)

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depression-confessions-on
I know I am the one that has to start the change. I know and am trying but I simply have no will… No motivation. I guess I never had it. Now so many years have passed and I am lost. I don’t know what to do…

Confession #3709

Send your confessions to my ask here

(via depression-confessions-on)

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If the person you love leaves you, do not ask them to come back. It will feel like they tore your heart out of your chest and are cutting the few strings that are connected to you, but, do not ask them to come back. The floor will become your new bed when you hang up the phone from talking with them and you’re too tired from the crying and the screaming to crawl into bed. Do not ask them to come back. You’ll feel their fingertips tracing your skin at the oddest moments and you’ll want to tear yourself apart piece by piece because that will be far less painful; Do not ask them to come back. When it would be another year to the day, Do not call them and let them smell the alcohol through the phone, Do not ask them to come back. You will feel pain you could have never imagined and you will want to stop existing, you’ll ask yourself why you don’t just end it every single day. Do not ask them to come back. You might think they were made for you, that you won’t love anyone else, it’s not true. You’ll survive. I promise. It will not be easy, but you will find the will to lift your body out of the water and breathe again. And when you do, do not let them come back. They were careless with your heart once, they will do it again. Do not listen to their empty promises they’ll make you when they see you at the store buying a stuffed animal and a card for the person who’s allowing you to love again- Do not let them come back.

Because if you let them come back, you may not be lucky enough to survive again (via occasionalcolor)

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brokenheartedland-blog
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a-laa-mode
It’s different with him. When I look at him, I don’t get a massive ache in my heart the way I did when I looked at you, but instead this sweet calmness rushing through my body that feels like home.”  "And I think that’s what loving someone should be like. Love shouldn’t hurt the way it did with you.

excerpt from a book i’ll never write #54  (via a-laa-mode)

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wecanchoosewherewegofromher-blog
Do you think about me as much as I think about you? Because I really want you to. Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Because I hope you do. Do you ever think about us and where we’d be today if it hadn’t played out that way? Because I do. Do you hate me as much as I hate you? Because I need you to so I don’t feel wrong for it. Do you even care? Because I’ve never doubted something so much in my life. Do you still love me? Because I came close to asking you that the night we talked and it killed me to think you didn’t, I’m probably the only one to notice it was the first time you left without saying it. I’ve thought about the shitty ways you treated me and realized I should’ve left ages ago. But last night I thought about all our happy moments, it kept me up all night, and I cried for the first time in what feels like forever. …I constantly think I’m over it until I remember you or see you anywhere… Some days all I want to do is taste your lips on mine, and others I want you to get hit by a bus, you’ve turned me into this mixed emotional mess and…I honestly don’t think you care, but I’ve realized neither should I so maybe I won’t…maybe my emotions will stay content on hoping you get hit by a train.

P.I., Things I thought I’d never say, coming from someone I never thought I’d be (via wecanchoosewherewegofromhere)