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@aris-main-blog

Ari | prev @kaidad | she/her | 21 | Reblogger of Too Many Things

I'm still processing how fucking funny it was to watch the Crows run around during the events of Shadow and Bone. Like on the one hand they accomplished pretty much NOTHING they set out to accomplish and every single one of their plans went horribly awry, but on the other hand??? They snuck into the little palace? Inej killed TWO Inferni? They carjacked the Darkling? Jesper went up against a heartrender who had on a bullet-proof kefta with a gun and won? The Darkling tried to use the cut on Kaz and he got out of it with what was basically a magic trick? They snuck onto the skiff? Inej STABBED the Darkling? Kaz fought off a fricking Volcra with his CANE? Accomplishing nothing but with STUNNING proficiency. And at the end Alina's just like "gotta appreciate the effort, fam. Have these priceless jewels and go back to being crime lords in Ketterdam, please."

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a summary of the consequences of my life because I read percy jackson

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1. I steal my older brother’s PJO books, read them, and download Pinterest on my Kindle to get my first taste of fandom 

2. I spend a lot of time online, secretly, and am exposed–for the first time–to the fact that it’s weird that I share a room and bed with my dad and am not allowed anywhere else 

3. My dad brings me to a corn field and tells me obama is the anti-christ who’s been sent by god to end the world, as foretold by the bible. I believe this and cry when he’s elected because i don’t want to die 

4. I begin googling and discover that my situation is not great. I begin a careful attempt to ~distance~ myself from my father by sleeping anywhere else through any means possible. Eventually, I’m allowed to sleep in my own room

5. Now that I’ve been exposed to the real world and the fact that I’ve been groomed, I’m not ~obedient~ anymore and my dad Dips(™) to find a new kid. We lose our house and have to move to government housing in a new city 

6. Eventually my parents divorce because of this. My dad moves to a horse ranch. I visit him on the horse ranch, think it’s cool, and invite my friends over for a sleepover. I have my first gay kiss with a girl in a tent. The next day my father tries to ~kill~ me on the horse ranch(™) with a golf cart

7.My dad disappears from the face of the earth. He forgets his phone is connected to the family iMac. We know all about the crimes he is committing. He fakes a heart attack in a Wal-Mart at some point, idk

8. The FBI is onto his life of crime. He flees to Romania to escape them and lives with a millionaire Romanian woman. She’s suspicious of him after a while. She hires a private investigator and unearths his life of lies and crime. He flees to Alaska. He gets a roommate in Alaska. The roommate goes to federal prison. We never hear from my father again. He is, perhaps, dead.

9. It’s revealed to us that my grandmother is also involved. She’s been smuggling drugs from the hospital. She also goes to federal prison. Also apparently my older brother and I aren’t related. This was another scam from my father

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Understandable response

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uhhhh hh hh hhh

Me reading from point 2 to point 3:

I love how all of the Batman villains are like “ah he’s not at the manor, it’s defenseless! and then alfred just racks an AK-47 and is like pull up bitch

Batman’s Villains: The butler will be easy prey!

He’s just an old man…he doesn’t have any of the Batman’s gadgets or training or fighting skills!

Alfred: Oh my you’re right

There’s something else of Master Bruce’s I don’t have as well

(Cocks a shotgun) A CODE AGAINST KILLING

Batman’s Villains: Wayne isn’t here to save you old man!

Alfred:

Image

Alfred is the original “Call an ambulance — but not for me”

@dragonpuppies I spent way too long on this

Bruce: I have a code.

Alfred: And I have a gun.

Bruce: time to remove the guns.

Alfred: good fucking luck.

I’ve peer reviewed @ebonyheartnet’s addition and found that it deserves a reblog.

@deathsmallcaps i might’ve tagged u here before im not sure