Goncharov broke containment.

Imagine Thomas and Martha Wayne getting resurrected via whatever the bullcrap of the week is, and it NOT getting undone once the conflict is over. Bruce and the kids are experiencing All The Emotions but Thomas and Martha are just happy to be there and are wholeheartedly rolling with it.

"The Waynes are a superhero family now? That's amazing! Martha, isn't it amazing?"

"Yes, dear. So much better than the organized crime we used to do. Oh, don't worry Bruce, we really only did it out of obligation, we would have jumped to vigilantism long ago had we known it was an option."

"Martha, we have grandchildren! They're adorable!"

"Thomas you've already met most of them."

"Yes but now I can appreciate them! And spoil them!"

"Thomas, honey, if you actually act as an enabler for our grandbabies I think you'll end up giving our poor Bruce a heart attack."

"Damian has a sword Martha! A sword! We have swords in the family! This is wonderful!"

"I know, Thomas."

Thomas has to be physically restrained from learning how to be a vigilante. He's too old, and Bruce and the rest don't want him to die *again*. He can help Alfred. Doesn't stop him from badgering his grandchildren about their hobbies. Ostensibly it's because he wants to get to know them better, but they all know he just really wants to learn how to do the cool things they all do. He's banned from using the Batcomputer at least thrice.

Martha at first seems content to just sit in the house and play the role of old-fashioned housewife but one day she inexplicably appears in Jason's apartment, supposedly to return one of his guns after he dropped it. He could have sworn it was fully loaded when he lost it, and now it's empty. Martha's fingerprints are the only ones on the gun. He decides to not ask questions.

They both neglect to inform the high society of Gotham that they're alive, and it takes a while for them to realize this. Gradually every rich person in Gotham takes their turn having a breakdown over having to deal with even more Wayne bullcrap. How come the Waynes are the only ones that seem to be immune to death???

A brief moment of rationality from the bird place.

"i cant watch shows about fantasy kingdoms without thinking about how they should be abolishing the monarchy" that my friend sounds like a skill issue

if im watching the lord of the rings extended edition i am a monarchist for 682 minutes

Anyway keep up the good work everybody

Image description: tweet by Ryan North @ryanqnorth reading: "All pleasures are guilty pleasures if you have high enough anxiety" end Image description

Excuse me?????

the fact that movie adaptations of The Three Musketeers aren’t consistently giving me crazy cat man Richelieu is honestly so outrageous I want to see - NO I DEMAND to see the Red Eminence draw up important documents and plot to destroy France’s enemies while Soumise naps in his lap and Ludoviska tries to knock ink bottles off the table!!! Wake up how are movie studios not taking this excellent opportunity to give us Richelieu lounging on an armchair in the dark and petting cats like a moustache twirling Bond villain hello??????????????????????????????????????

I turn to Ares.

⚔️ If you want to read some queer retelling of arturian legends have a look at my webtoon

Damn... I never thought about it

Beautiful. https://youtu.be/DBSenD3tD7o?si=53kTSdjEBM53Uwgk

Ares "I, no owl" God of War.

I recently started working in hospitality, and I’ll tell you guys right now, the trope of “there was only one bed” is not as rare as you’d think in real life. A few times a week, at least, I have guys come in who are working together on projects in town or passing through who have to literally book the last room I have available for the night and lo and behold — there is only one bed, and guess what, they give each other a side-eyed look and begrudgingly take it. So write it up, it happens all the time!!!

Never let your There Was Only One Bed dreams die. I was secretly in love with my best friend for over a year when she graduated and moved to Oklahoma (like 1000 miles away) for grad school. Between that travel restrictions, we were so scared we’d never see eachother again.

At the end of summer, when Covid numbers were at a lower point, I took the risk to visit her in her new apartment and I quickly realized that, unlike when I’d spent the night at her house before, the couch wasn’t made up like a bed. She explained that since her new couch was so fancy and pink, I couldn’t possibly sleep on it, and so I needed to sleep in the bed with her. You know, out of necessity. I woke up with her snuggled around me in the middle of the night.

We’re dating now, and I genuinely think I’m going to marry her. Just the other day, though, I mentioned that if she hadn’t been weird about her fancy couch, I probably never would have like confessed my feelings. AND THEN she stood up, took the cushions off the fancy couch, UNFOLDED IT INTO A HIDE-A-BED, and said “I KNOW.”

THIS GIRL. ORCHESTRATED. BED SCARCITY. JUST SO SHE COULD MAKE THE “ONLY ONE BED” EXCUSE. Y’all when I said I just about lost my goddamn mind, I just about lost my goddamn mind. I love this sneaky bitch so much and the moral of this story is BE THE ONE BED YOU WANT TO SEE IN THE WORLD.

Fanfic imitates life, and life imitates fanfic. It’s full circle really.

oh my god 

there was only one bed

but it was STAGED

I love this so much

New Fanfic Trope Unlocked!!!!!

AU:There was only one bed - by design👀

Fake dating or only one bed?

Fake only one bed

THE TROPE HAS LEVELED UP

Nature is healing.

Have any of you ever read Hannibal fanfic? There is always only on bed and it is always by Design.

So I have been sketching out some scenes for the next animatic... and some of them are just scribbles of different concepts.

I think my goal is to have Odysseus traumatized constantly.

The best piece of advice I ever got was not meant as advice, but as an edict. If I was going to threaten people as a joke, it had to be so far out of proportion with what happened that it would be obvious I was joking. This changed how I expressed frustration with others. It then changed how I expressed frustration with myself.

Not “I’m going to hit you” but “I am going to buy a tuna sub from the gas station and hide it under the seat of your car”

Not “I’m going to kill myself” but “I am going to walk into the desert and let the scarabs take me”

The other side then happened. When I mess something up, instead of saying it’s bad and perpetuating negative thoughts, swing hard the other way.

Not “this art is terrible” but “this shall be framed and mounted on the wall in my museum exhibition as testament to the suffering I had to overcome”

Have been doing this since high school. It was my drama teacher who asked me to please stop scaring the actors. The other half of the edict was that I had to say it in a polite tone, and end it with either please or thank you.

Life changing. 10/10 Mr Muëller. Highly reccomend.

lol

#Queued

Which means you saw this, could have told me, but instead, you chose this course. You chose violence. I'll be adding you to the list of traitors to be embroidered in the tapestry of my throne room.

introducing my four year old niece to the concept of "moral dilemmas" by telling her that i'm a monster that eats children and that i know it's wrong but i'm so so so hungry and everything else tastes yucky. i've tried all the human food in the world and it all tastes so yucky i can't even eat it. i can only eat children and i'm so hungry

her resolution was that if i meet a kid that has the same name as their sibling, then i can eat one of them. their parents won't be sad, because they have another kid with the same name right there. speaks to an uninformed but fascinating worldview

our history teacher tried a similar tack but the theoretical scenario was "the man who invented the medicine necessary to save your wife is charging more money than you can pay and won't accept credit. you're against stealing but you also don't want your wife to die. what do you do?"

our answer was not only to steal the medicine but to murder the inventor because if he's paywalling life-saving medicine, the solution that involves the lowest body count is killing him. we're ethically and morally obligated to eliminate this threat to human survival

did not go the way he thought it would

Bruce, during a family meeting: this is just a reminder therapy is covered by our health insurance plan

Tim: why do you always look at me when you say that

If a flaming old queen in a cape wants to kill off racists in power I say have at it

That wasn’t even his plan!! His plan was to make the senator a mutant, so he’d have to advocate for mutants or be destroyed by his own policy, and tbh. It’s the best villain plan I’ve ever seen. The goo was the plan unexpectedly failing. 9/10 only bc he was going to kill Rogue. Next time use someone willing to sacrifice herself for the cause, pls. No further notes

I like how his plan in like real world terms, was to turn desantis gay but instead he exploded

like to charge reblog to cast tbh

Ilia fucking Malinin’s world record breaking free skate

Oh my God every bit of this is wild

-when he does the first big jump the announcers start screaming. I don't understand enough of what I'm looking at to get what about this is breaking records but the announcers screaming was a pretty big clue

-He's dancing to music from Succession????? I don't recognize all of it but some of it is definitely the theme from Succession. At one point the audience claps along to the music. And I'm not sure if it's out of support for the skater or because they like the song 🤣

-when he finishes he just lays down on the ice incredible

THAT'S MY BOY!!! I SKATE AT HIS RINK!!!

Some other notes for everyone:

In short, this kid is wild, had the performance of a lifetime, and I had the blessed opportunity to witness it.

jason: what’s your darkest secret?

tim: i wrote the most kudos’d superbat fanfic on ao3

damian: i was his beta reader

jason: first you steal my costume, now you steal my spot as most kudos’d fic?!