It’s not natural to use a toilet to go to the bathroom, toilets are an invention of the patriarchy, so shit your pants, that’s right, just shit all over them, you should be proud of your fecal matter because it’s a natural process, anyone who tells you it’s gross is oppressing you …. That’s what your fucking free-bleeding arguments sound like
i had a crush on this guy and i decided to pull a Pavlov on him by offering him whenever i saw him this brand of candy he seemed to really like and after a while whenever he saw me he got excited for a second then you could see his expression shift to wondering the why the hell was he so happy to see me and i swear it was the evilest thing but also the most hilarious i made a guy like me by conditioning him into associating me to a candy he liked
SOMEONE HELP I DONT KNOW WHAT TO SAY BECAUSE IM NOT LUKE AND IM SCARED FOR JAKE’S SAFETY
This got 32k and the guy was in the bathtub the whole time trippin on lsd
Make it pink - make it blue.
Ruinedchildhood? I don’t think so. This just improved what I remember of my childhood by like 9000%.
"Reflecting on a long life that began at the end of the 19th century, the world’s oldest woman told reporters Monday that she could not be happier that every other human on earth the day she was born is now deceased. “Nothing, not one single thing, gives me more pleasure than knowing anyone who was alive on March 5, 1898—my family, my friends, and even far-off strangers that I never knew existed—is stone-cold dead,” said 116-year-old Misao Okawa, smiling as she observed how all 1.6 billion of the people who were alive the day she came into the world had passed away, one by one, during her remarkable lifespan. “I’m the sole fucking survivor. I’m the longevity queen. I’m the one who stuck it out while everyone else threw themselves on the corpse pile. Man, it’s too bad I’m in a wheelchair or I’d trample every single one of their fucking graves.” Okawa went on to say her only regret is that she probably won’t outlive all her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren."
this line just really means a lot to me.
Happy holidays, darlings! I hope that I can help you celebrate the season with a masterpost of some helpful resources(movies, music, drinks, and decorations) for all of you. (❆more masterposts) (❆ tell me if you have any suggestions to add to this post)
movies Holiday Inn, (1942) || Christmas in Connecticut, (1945) || It’s a Wonderful Life, (1946) || The Bishop’s Wife, (1947) || Miracle on 34th Street, (1947) || Scrooge, (1951) || White Christmas, (1954) || We’re No Angels, (1955) || Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, (1964) || Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer, (1964) || A Charlie Brown Christmas, (1965) || Dr. Seuss’ How the Grinch Stole Christmas!, (1966) || Frosty the Snowman, (1969) || Star Wars Holiday Special, (1978) || A Christmas Story, (1983) || The Best Christmas Pageant Ever, (1983) || Mickey’s Christmas Carol, (1983) || Gremlins, (1984) || Silent Night, Deadly Night, (1984) || Babes in Toyland, (1986) || A Garfield Christmas Special, (1987) || Scrooged, (1988) || National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, (1989) || Home Alone, (1990) || 29th Street, (1991) || The Muppet Christmas Carol, (1992) || The Nightmare Before Christmas, (1993) || The Santa Clause, (1994) || Miracle on 34th Street, (1994) || Jingle All the Way, (1996) || The Long Kiss Goodnight, (1996) || A Christmas Carol, (1999) || Mickey’s Once Upon a Christmas, (1999) || How The Grinch Stole Christmas, (2000) || The Family Man, (2000) || The Christmas Shoes, (2002) || 8 Women, (2002) || Elf, (2003) || Love Actually, (2003) || The Polar Express, (2004) || Joyeux Noël, (2005) || The Holiday, (2006) || Arthur Christmas, (2011)
snacks & drinks Butterbeer, (drink) || Chai Tea Eggnog Cookies, (snack) || Cherry Bombs, (drink) || Cranberry Sparkler, (drink) || Cranberry-White Chocolate Cookies, (snack) || Peppermint Hot Chocolate, (drink) || Peppermint Pinwheel Cookies, (snack) || How to Spice up Your Hot Chocolate
etc Christmas music || Make your own candles || 21 Easy, Homemade Christmas Ornaments
*crashes through door*
YOU BETTER WATCH OUT
*picks up small child*
YOU BETTER NOT CRY
*devours small child*
YOU BETTER NOT POUT
*vomits a Christmas tree*
I’M TELLING YOU WHY
Rosetta Stone
My heart broke into tiny pieces when I read the Rosetta Stone tweet.
Tumblr needs to be punished
"WHAT ARE THEY SELLING?"
reblog if u remember when apple was a FRUIT, kids played OUTSIDE not on their ipads, and decomposing VICTIMS of the BUBONIC plague LITTERED the STREETS
If you never tried dancing like Cody Martin you are lying
what do you mean tried
legendary
