in shambles rn. btw
We're Friends, We're Friends...
*I accidentally deleted this post while editing so please reblog if you feel like it. 😭
Mike pushes the basement door open to find the upstairs of his house eerily quiet. As he pads down the hall and passes the living room he spots his Dad snoring in his chair already with the TV flashing blue light in his face. Holly is curled up in his lap and Mike's Mom is laying on her side on the opposite couch, wine glass resting full next to her on the end table. Her eyelids are heavy as she tries not to dose, and she’s holding out the clicker in the air surfing through the channels.
“Hey honey,” she says, clearing the sleep from her throat, suddenly more awake when she observes him.
“Hey,” he says lightly, pausing in the archway. “Have you seen Will?”
She sits up on her elbow and squints at him. “I think he’s in the kitchen.”
“Thanks,” he replies, turning around before she can ask him any more questions.
Mike treads heavily into the kitchen, eyes frantically scanning the room for Will. He is nowhere. The pizza box is on the counter and their trash is thrown away.
“Will?” he says to the room. No one.
Maybe he’s still in the bathroom.
“Will?” he calls again up the stairwell to the second floor before pulling hard on the banister and climbing the stairs two at a time. There’s still no answer and Mike sighs heavily.
It’s warmer upstairs. Nancy’s door is shut and he can hear the low bass line of whatever pop song she’s listening to.
“Will?” he calls again.
His room is dark. There’s definitely no one in there. He notices the hall bath door is cracked, and soft light from a nightlight his Mom had kept since he was little is glowing onto the worn tan carpet.
He gently pushes the door open, eyes shooting towards the burgundy tile and hoping he isn’t interrupting something he shouldn’t. When the door fully opens he finds Will in the dark leaning against the porcelain sink, water running, and head bowed against his chest. His hands are gripping the edge of the sink so tightly his knuckles are white and Mike thinks that maybe Will might be sick.
When he shoves into the room, Will startles, staring up at him with wide eyes and pulling his arms protectively over his middle.
Mike freezes. “Hey,” he says awkwardly.
Will’s gaze focuses on an invisible object in the corner of the room. “Hey,” he responds quietly.
Mike tries not to shudder with how uncomfortable he feels. His cheeks relentlessly burn.
“Are you okay?” he asks.
Will shifts on his feet. “Yeah. I’m—I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
Mike shakes his head, confused by Will’s defensive tone. “Did I do something?”
“No, no!” Will blurts out, hands shooting towards Mike’s chest as if he wants to comfort him, but then thinking better of it, he instead hangs his fingers heavily on his belt loop, shifting back on his heels. “I’m fine— really. I just… needed a minute.”
The hair on the back of Mike’s neck stands on end, and his first thought is that he has missed something, that something’s terribly, terribly wrong. “Is it Vecna ?” he asks worriedly, stepping forward.
Will’s brows go together harshly and he somehow looks…. disappointed ?
“No— no ,” he replies, shaking his head and raising his hands higher, defensive, suddenly almost seeming annoyed. “I’m fine. Really.”
Mike approaches him cautiously. “Will- you are not fine. And you haven’t been for a while. I mean—sometimes I feel like—” He huffs, frustrated and feeling more hurt by the second. “---like we aren’t even friends anymore.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Will asks him, voice breaking.
Mike’s heart is racing now and it feels as if his chest is on fire. Will backs away from him further, pushing his spine against the tiled wall where the window is. He presses his palms against the tile, as if to ground his body, and Mike imagines the rabbit again, eyes frantically looking for an escape it will never find.
“I mean—I mean…” Mike stumbles, “I thought we were a team. You said we could be a team again.”
“Yeah, and I meant it,” Will tells him adamantly, his voice raising an octave and fingers fiddling with Karen’s old shower curtain.
“Well, I don’t know,” Mike urges persistently, unrelenting in letting this conversation go. “Sometimes it feels like you would rather not even be in the same room with me. Sometimes it feels like just the thought of you being around me… repulses you, or makes you upset.”
“That’s- that’s not—” Will stutters, dropping his hand from the curtain and finally regarding Mike directly. His eyes are dark in the low orange light, more brown than green now, and very grave. One side of his face is soaked in dark shadows. It highlights the way his features have sharpened over the last year, and beautiful seems to be only word that comes to Mike’s mind.
Beautiful? What the hell is wrong with him?
Will swallows roughly and his voice is coarse as he shakes his head at him. “That’s just not true , Mike.”
Mike almost wants to scoff at Will throwing his own words from California back at him. Will never lies to him. But Mike knows from El that he’s lied about the painting. It seems like they’ve been drowning in lies since the summer before he left for Lenora.So many lies.
He sucks in a breath, closing the distance between them, and swallowing down the scared look on Will’s face. He can’t escape, and Mike hates the fear and desperation in Will’s eyes. It makes his stomach turn. He hates how Will still can’t even stand to be in the same room as him anymore. What has happened to their friendship? How has it become something Mike can’t even recognize?
“You're lying” Mike professes, as he stares down hard at Will and holds his breath against the sob that threatens to escape. There’s a long pause and then he rests his palm along the cool tile behind Will’s head. Mike inches his face closer, keeping Will’s gaze on him, desperately scanning his face for something resembling truth.
"No,” Will swallows and shakes his head, his eyes shaded evergreen and determined. “You’re wrong.”
Mike’s eyes trace along Will’s jaw, down to the smooth muscles of his neck. They follow the constellation of moles there, watch as his Adam’s apple bobs up and down nervously, and his teeth drag over his full bottom lip, leaving a glistening trail of spit Mike wishes he could thumb away. It is as if he’s on fire, as if there’s an electric current inside Will that radiates from the surface of his skin, enveloping him completely.
It feels like nothing he’s experienced before, even with El in her bed on sunny afternoons, and he wants so badly to reach out and touch him; slide his fingers along the ridge line of his jaw, watch Will sigh into his skin, feeling his breath on the inside of his wrist. He wants to roam his hands over other places, places below his belt and off limits, places that the mere thought of makes his cheeks burn in shame. Mike wants to wrap his arms around him and whisper that lies were never necessary, tell him that there’s nothing that could ever make Mike not want him around. That he will always be his best friend.
Will lifts his chin to where Mike’s hand hovers indecisively between them, defiant in his confidence, and Mike feels as if he’s daring him to do something.
Their foreheads are almost pressed together, but instead of touching Will, Mike grips the edge of the windowsill with all his strength. He shifts forward, and the front of their bodies meet. The connection makes him purse his lips in anticipation, and he places his foot in between Will's legs to steady himself. The sensation of his knee brushing the soft padding of the inside of Will’s thigh shoots that, now familiar shock, through Mike’s body. It pools low in his pelvis with an excruciatingly dull pulse. Will stiffens against the wall and sighs out, and Mike feels Will’s fingers at the back of his hip, balling the edge of Mike’s t-shirt in his fist.
The fire shoots up Mike’s side again where Will touches him and before Mike can stop himself he closes the distance left between them, his hips connecting roughly with Will’s as he thrusts forward, his chin coming to rest in the crook of his neck. Will’s skin is smooth and hot and he smells earthy, like a forest after a rainstorm. A small sound, fractured and vulnerable, and like nothing Mike’s ever heard come out of Will echoes into the bathroom, and Mike can’t focus his thoughts on anything; anything except for the way Will smells like rain, or how the water left running can’t drown out how he sighs against his cheek. He can’t focus on anything but the way Will’s ribs feel beneath his fingers and how Will claws at his back; how his vision whites out at the sensation of Will's hips aligning perfectly with his. Mike can't focus on anything but how it feels as if some veil has been lifted from his eyes.This is how it's supposed to feel. How had I never known?
Suddenly, Mike feels Will’s palm at his chest, unexpectedly strong and shoving him away.
“No,” he sighs quietly. Mike falls back against the edge of the sink, grasping onto the icy porcelain for dear life and humiliation creeping up his neck.
“No, Mike.” Will says again, his voice now more sure and determined. Fierce. He glares at him, his eyes dark and resolute, but his voice cracks violently around his words. “You are the liar.”
Mike ?
Mike recognizes Nancy’s voice, and the rhythm of how her feet pad down the hall. He turns his head and sees the light from the hallway turn on, shining brightly through the crack in the door.
Mike ? Are you okay? —--I thought I heard–
Terror shoots up Mike’s spine and he can’t move, frozen and clinging to the sink. Will's body is still pushed up against the tile wall, arms drawn around himself and staring at the floor. His brow is deeply creased in what Mike thinks looks like something akin to terror. He notices Will’s hand trying to grasp for his belt loop is shaking. He notices it and hides it from Mike's view.
Will then regards Mike directly, and Mike squirms under his scrutiny. His chest rises and falls with heaving breaths, tear filled eyes turning black with anger and a hurt that makes Mike want to die. It's then that Mike realizes that he’s ruined everything. He’s misunderstood Will completely. His stupid feelings and disgusting urges have now ruined their friendship for good. Will must hate him. He wouldn’t blame him if he never wants to speak to him again. And now he knows.
Nancy opens the door and flicks the bathroom light on, drenching them in harsh light. Mike flinches, a terror as frightening as the Upside Down shuddering through him. Will pushes himself off the wall, squints against the brightness and stands up straight, shifting on his feet uncomfortably.
“Oh,” Nance says, surprised. “Sorry- I- I didn’t know you were here Will.” She pauses a moment as she regards them. “Is everything okay?”
Mike feels Will stare at him, his gaze searing Mike’s skin like a brand. He can’t bring himself to acknowledge him and studies the white tile on the floor instead.
“Yeah,” Will tells her, sucking in a deep breath. “We’re fine.” Mike winces at the way he tries to hide the emotion in his voice. It breaks over him like a wave and before he can say anything, before he can beg him to wait, Will shoves past him, dodging Nancy, and bolting into the hallway. Mike hears his every footstep as he rushes down the stairwell.
Nancy huffs behind him, and Mike sinks lower against the sink when he turns to look at her.
“Mike?!” she demands, hands on her hips and blue eyes scalding him. “What is going on?”
“Nothing!” he yells viciously, pushing past her roughly and retreating to his room. He slams the door before she can chase him and flops face down onto his pillow. The sobs come fast and hard and he hates himself more than he ever has before, unable to escape the scent of trees after a rainstorm, the lingering sensation of their bodies pressed together, and visions of green eyes calling him a liar.
Liar. Liar. Liar.
something good ole fashioned hurt/comfort from part 3 of into the daylight
coming eventually
forever thinking about how the van scene was held off being shown until vol 2 because they wanted you to remember it for the finale
If season five doesn't go in depth about Mike's mental health, depression, and how it affects his internalized homophobia, then it will be a waste of a season
WIP Wednesday
Comic idea I had for months… finally finishing it!
Anyone recognize the song?
guitarist mike wheeler should be the most important thing in ur life btw
It’s very rare that I post anything for miwip Wednesday but I’ve been working on this fic recently so… here’s a tiny chunk of it !
There is a hole inside of him and it's the shape of Will Byers. This hole is never fully fixed. Mike wants to believe that it won't happen again. That they're safe. That Will's safe. Yet each year, since the vanishing, the quarry, the funeral - Mike knows that space in his chest keeps growing wide like a sinkhole ready to consume him into the abyss.
He feels it constantly. Whenever Will had his episodes, or had his hazel eyes get possession shades darker, or he writhed furiously before being sedated - Mike felt desolating grief. Because even though Will was saved, his pain stayed persistent. Stayed unhealed and bleeding and with no cure.
Mike scoffs sometimes, staring at the drawings of the Party in his trembly hands, seeing himself as a paladin in various stages of Will's developing art style. Not once does he feel worthy for his cleric is never at peace for long. No matter how hard Mike tries to play hero. He hates that Will left him for California. Hates that he knows Will would be, is safer, somewhere else. Far from Hawkins. Far from him.
my favourite part of byler arguments is that will is legitimately trying to solve the issue, explaining to mike one by one what exactly he’s upset about and mike is just like. “well, we’re not dating, are we????? yeah, thought so.”
like what does it have to do with anything. pick ur gay ass up.
I think I know what Matt Duffer's favorite poem is
Richard Siken; You're in a car with a beautiful boy...
something interesting i noticed while rewatching st s1.
y’know how upside down horseshoes are supposed to represent ‘bad luck’.
there is an UPSIDE DOWN horse shoe hanging on the shed in the EXACT place will went missing.
idk if this means something or i’m delulu but i think it’d be a pretty big coincidence considering the horseshoe is UPSIDE DOWN and could represent wills bad luck AND BEING TAKEN TO THE UPSIDE DOWN.
my lil lalalalala thought is that we will get these outfits in s5
will trying to flirt with mike by asking him if he needs help spreading the suncream on his back but mike tells him that "it's fine. hey check this out" and then shows him how he can easily reach all of his back himself because his arms are "freakishly long" and will is just sitting there. with his vomit-green socks face.