Comedy fucking gold I’m sorry

Somebody tell Hollywood I've found proof that a plot twist can be predictable and yet still amazing.

not to be sappy on main BUT one thing that i really loved when studying linguistics was that the more important a word is, the earlier the concept of this thing was given a word. for example, the word water is similar in many similar languages (aqua, agua, água). so, the more important a word is, the more languages it’ll be similar across and the older this word will be, theoretically and generally speaking (many other things also affect this)

AND SO in my years studying linguistics, there was one word that was nearly identical across so many regionally different languages (though there are outliers of course), from europe to most of asia to subsaharan africa to indigenous languages. across nearly all languages this is the first word people learn how to say and maybe the first word humans in general officially named and defined:

this isn’t actually the first word because we teach babies this word (most likely), but because the “mama” or “ama” sounds are the easiest things for babies to say, and it’s nearly always the only thing they can say at first, and adults across all languages defined their language around that.

babies all over the world for thousands and thousands of years all started out blabbering sounds like “mama” and mothers everywhere were all like Oh Shit That’s Me! I’m Mama!

fashion looks that make all gay ppl nut:

Please do not forget the classic flannel tied around your hips. A look. A mood. A gay thing.

I’ve been trying to figure out whether yall talking about gay men or gay women because I always think of the fashions of the two as very different but shit this could really go either or both ways

Queer fashion is like “shit my parents would have worn but sexy, and I’m not gonna think about it.”

God okay so I’m going to say this now; PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not risk your health or anyone’s in the form of getting a “cheap” binder of ebay or where ever. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE save your $4-$10 dollars for those cheap ebay ones and put it towards a gc2b binder. Or if you want an Underworks go for that but I highly suggest gc2b. They’re about $40 (with shipping) and will last you WAY longer than any cheap ebay one. They are MEANT for lasting you. I wash mine many times week, wear it daily, Wear them daily. I have two. Had them for almost a year now. But I cannot urge you enough to PLEASE save up your pennies for a PROPER SAFE binder. Binders you can breathe in, binders you can move in, binders that don’t crush your ribs, binders that are comfortable, binders that are safe.

This isn’t a safe binder:

It uses clasps and not compression.

This is a c2b binder; made by trans people for trans people:

These binders have no clasps but uses spandex to compress you safety. 

Measure your chest before ordering to make sure you don’t get one too small or too large.

UPDATE (06/12)

I wanted to add more information on where you can buy binders and info in general about binders

You can buy binders from these sites

@gc2b-apparel​ (OPs #1 Recommendation)

@shapeshiftersinc​

http://www.f2mbinders.com/ (AKA underworks)

http://www.t-kingdom.com/

http://www.lesloveboat.com/shop/index.php?language=en

http://www.danae.info/en/?___from_store=nl

http://showcase.designveronique.com/designveronique/shop/postsurgical/men-1.html

http://en.nabeshirt.com/shop/

Used Binders

If you can’t afford a binder, don’t despair! Used binders are often passed on by post-op trans men or those whose binders may no longer fit. There are a few programs available that help distribute donated second-hand binders:

You can also try asking around for an inexpensive hand-me-down binder on one of themailing lists for trans guys or check out LiveJournal’s FTM Garage Sale and the FtM Sales, Swap, and Support group on Facebook.

How to Choose a Chest Binder

If you still remember your old bra size, you can find out your binder size by using theBra to Chest Size Converter Tool. If you don’t know your old bra size, you can measure yourself the old-fashioned way:

Selecting a binder brand and style can be difficult: there are so many options that it can be overwhelming! Plus, there aren’t very many reviews of binders other than those about Underworks’ and T-Kingdom’s more popular models. After buying your binder, help make the experience easier for guys in the future by contributing your review to one of the review sites listed below.

Essentially, there are two types of binders: short ones and long ones. The short ones end right at your waist. The down side of these is that if you carry some extra weight, short binders tend to roll up and act more like a bra. The long ones can be pulled down past your waist by several inches, however it’s inevitable that it will still roll up. To reduce the chances of this, wear a belt. Choosing between a short and long binder has more to do with your body type, specifically your abdomen, and not your chest size.

Lastly, consider the location of the company you’re buying from. Buying from a company that’s closer to you can save you a significant amount of money on shipping costs.

How to Put On a Chest Binder

It might seem silly, but you’re probably going to need some help figuring out how to put on your new binder, particularly if you purchased one of the longer styles.

Don’t be disappointed if you look in the mirror and it looks like you have one big boob in the middle of your chest. You just need to adjust your chest. Reach in from the neck hole and push your chesticles down and out. You’re basically pushing your nipple toward your armpit to achieve the flattest looking chest possible.

FTM Chest Binding Tips

Very important: When binding, you should not by any means feel as though you can’t breathe or like you’re going to pass out from a lack of oxygen.

Binders aren’t the most comfortable things in the world. To make binding more comfortable, and to reduce the possibility of the binder moving around a bit, some guys wear a light shirt underneath.

Depending on the size of your chest, you may need to layer clothing on top of the binder to get optimal chest flattening. You’ll find that some of the shirts in your closet require you to layer more than shirts in your wardrobe.

You can swim in your binder. Just wear a sleeveless or sleeved T-shirt over it. Don’t worry if your binder seems less effective after a swim, this isn’t permanent. Simply wash it and it will go back to normal.

Your chest will look bigger than it really is when you look down at it. Check in the mirror for a more accurate side view.

Not all binders breathe well, and the reality is that you’re probably going to get hot. If you’ve already started testosterone, you’re definitely going to sweat. The build up of sweat can irritate your skin causing rashes and sores. Wearing a thin cotton shirt that breathes well underneath your binder may help prevent this. If you find this uncomfortable, try applying corn starch to your body before putting on your binder to help keep it from holding in moisture. If you’ve already experienced skin irritation of some sort, take care of it the same way you would an open wound. Washing the irritated area with anti-bacterial soap will keep it clean and help it heal faster.

Conclusion

Chest binding, as cumbersome as it may seem, can be very freeing for transgender men. There’s a plethora of quality FTM chest binding products available for body types of all shapes and sizes. Regardless of what you use for binding, please remember to put your health first. Now that you’re armed with all the information you need to find the right binder for you, go forth and feel more comfortable in your skin!

FTM Chest Binder Reviews

(Note: These sites are no longer updated.)

More FTM Chest Binding Resources

Do you have any tips about binding? Want to share your experience with a particular binder brand or model? Do you know of other binder manufacturers, particularly those outside of Asia and the US? Please leave your comments below.

Last updated: 05/20/16 (x)

This isn’t a userbox but I wanted to reblog this here for all of our followers who bind!! Stay Safe lovelies and just a reminder not to use Ace bandages!!! - Daniel

BLESS THE PERSON THAT PULLED ALL OF THIS TOGETHER!!

Cyborg catgirl.

THIS IS ACTUALLY FACTUAL AND NEEDS TO BE ADDRESSED MORE

http://www.usms.org/articles/articledisplay.php?aid=294

“Knowing that they were losing “valuable product” due to their slaves’ propensity to swim, slave owners began taking drastic steps to protect their property. One of these steps was to instill a fear of the water by dunking disobedient slaves in water until they nearly drowned and by creating fear through stories of creatures living in the water. Thus it didn’t take long to excise or destroy the West African swimming tradition from African- American culture. The Jim Crow laws that were enacted after The Civil War prohibited blacks from the popular seaside resorts in places like Atlantic City, N.J. and Revere Beach, Mass. And by the 20th Century, as the swimming pool began to gain in popularity in the United States, the color line prohibited blacks from enjoying this pleasant recreational skill.

In addition, self-segregation also played a role in limiting those of African ancestry from getting in the water. I remember my Aunt saying to stay away from the pool because, “black folk don’t swim.””

Such a long and consistent history of anti-Blackness and swimming. Long before police openly assaulted little black girls in McKinney, GoodWhitePeople™ were enforcing White Supremacy and segregating swimming pools.

Motel manager, James “Jimmy” Brock, pouring acid into a swimming pool to drive black people away from a “Swim In” protest, in St. Augustine, Florida on June 18, 1964.

Next time you hear someone ask questions like, “Why don’t black people swim?” Or “Why are so many black people afraid of dogs?” And, “Why are there do so many black people live in poverty?”…..let ‘em know that those aren’t coincidences. These things didn’t just happen naturally, all on their own. There’s a reason for it, and you don’t have to be an historian to know they’re all interconnected through slavery, endemic racism and persistently racist cultural norms.

always reblog…

As a white guy I never understood the “Black people can’t swim” stereotype, I’m glad that this post is here to educate others like myself of the inherent racism involved in it. I had no idea about this before

memeception

WE’VE HIT TERMINAL MEME

@caesarianconfection

I’ve said “I hate this” so many times on this website, and never actually meant it, because “I hate this” is just shorthand for ‘this is an example of a meme given a twist I wasn’t expecting with intent to surprise’. Which is, in of itself, a meme on this site. God damn it.

But this… This is something else.

The rapidity of a meme’s introduction to its zenith to its decline is so rapid that in ten years, you’ll need a damn twenty-page manual to explain this. It’ll be as unfunny and hard to explain as jokes in Shakespeare plays, except even more inexplicable because fuck, at least Shakespeare’s jokes are usually about anal or fucking your mother, good wholesome sex jokes we can all get behind.

For the love of fuck, how do you explain loss.jpg? How do you explain gun?

….I THOUGHT THIS WAS A YMCA REFERENCE

it is a YMCA reference - that’s one of the 6 memes being represented here

ok let me see if i can break this down easily. YMCA is the easiest place to start - the song itself has become a meme over time with people changing the lyrics to reference other pop cultural events. so YMCA is meme one (1)

this first lyric replacement (”take the breadsticks and run”) is a reference to the tumblr meme ‘stuffing breadsticks into my purse’. i think everyone remembers that one so i wont bother to explain it. that’s meme two (2)

“man door hand hook car door” is a meme of its own, a creepypasta from i dont remember when. it was a terrible stupid retelling of the generic ‘stuck in a car while hook handed man tries to kill us’ story so the stupid title caught on for memorability. that in and of itself is meme three (3)

‘gun’ is… yeah i dont know how to explain gun. long story short you add gun to the end of a phrase instead of what you expect the last word to be. its shock funny. its everywhere but its popular to add to “man door hand hook car door” for.. some reason? gun is meme four (4)

and the thing is, this four meme combo is something thats gone around before. meme combos are, itself, a meme. which means taking this meme combo and mixing in another meme actually becomes meme five (5)

which leaves us at loss.jpg. loss.jpg was a terrible bad comic supposed to be about some tragic event, but it was presented so poorly literally no one takes it seriously, and for some reason recreating the four-panel setup has become popular. so thats meme six (6)

(but i need to add that this is the greatest version of loss.jpg i think i’ve ever seen. the initial ‘young man’ lines up with the guy bursting through the door, and the shock meme ‘gun’ matches the shock scene of the woman in the hospital and idk if OP even thought about that but it makes this just so much better)

I wasn’t going to reblog this, but @pagesofkenna‘s comprehensive meme-by-meme annotation is a thing of beauty and should be shared.

average tumblr post contains one meme, this post, which contains six, is an outlier and should not be counted

it might also just be a coincidence due to loss.jpg’s format but the whole white minimalist four-panel setup is also suspiciously reminiscent of those early 2000’s rage comics

I was getting a political compass vibe too

tag urself im man door hand hook car gun

This works better than I thought it would.

This was in my senior project

I’m not sorry.

EIGHT MEME COMBO

FATALITY

We have officially created a new language 

I just had to do it to em

THIS FUCKING THREAD I’M GONNA CRY

I LOST IT AND MAN DOOR HAND HOOK CAR GUN AND DIDN’T EXPECT MORE I’M SOBBING

M E M E T E N

OwO?

You know I had to

I hope you know this is the most cursed addition to my post, and I love it

THIRTEEN!?

SOMEONE EDIT THIS FROM THE ORIGINAL PHOTO SAYING “this one does not spark joy” TO THIS VERSION SAYING “this one sparks joy”

well i added my contribution : )

why—

IM SCREAMING

This is the most elaborate meme I have ever seen and damn am I concerned by how it makes sense.

“You’re in your 30s, but you still understand all this meme stuff?” “Oh yeah, sure.” “Can you explain it to me?” “I absolutely fucking cannot.”

One does not simply explain this

Edit:

Another freaking layer!!!

16 motherfucking layers

In the future someone’s going to ask me to explain this and I’m going to be at a loss.jpg for words

Christ, last time i saw this it was at ten

Wow I miss Tumblr!

That kid with strict parents walk that you learn to do where you rock your feet as you walk so your feet don’t make noise on hardwood floors

Okay so apparently this is a known and frequently used stealth walk known as a Fox Walk where you roll from heel to toe in a straight line to be as quiet as possible and it makes me sad that so many kids just learned on their own how to do that out of necessity considering it’s otherwise only taught to like... military personnel and people who have to sneak up on wild animals for research purposes and the like

 “hi welcome to mcdonalds what can i get for you?”

“yeah can i get a deluxe quarter pounder with cheese?”

“absolutely, do you want the meal or just the sandwich?’

“uuuuuh hold on”

*fishes something out of my pocket*

“mikey what do i do?”

“get the fries. youll need the energy in the coming days”

*stuffs it back in my pocket*

“uhh yes please  the meal would be great”

What Was The Image

thats between me and the holy fucking ghost

What the fuck is up with this post lmao

I’m looking at some of the other reblogs and the image is visible

schrodinger’s post

I think this is the first ever visual evidence of the Schrödinger effect.

I swear Tumblr is either haunted or it is above science.

They both appeared in my feed CONSECUTIVELY I don’t know how, but they did

Oh god I’ve never laughed so hard in years. Oh, how would I ever get this kind of content from any other site? What other social media site is this broken?

this is the funniest thing ive ever seen

The notes on this post and her siblings have something in common

Sailors: Mercury/Venus/Jupiter | Military by Carol Azevedo

(Part 2 of 18th century military style sailors)

(Part 1)

hashtag animashun

lol turn on the sound

im so glad this is back in my dash

the smears, yall. these r sum good ass smears

op is literally god

@funniesthomevideosuggestions

Ah it’s so nice when this shows up on my dash

“why does that character have to be queer?”

why not?

“why does that character have to be trans?”

why not?

“why does that character have to be a poc?”

why not?

this post is making straight cis white ppl angry keep reblogging it

Another good response along with “Why not?” - “As opposed to?”

Just watch them try not to say ‘normal’, JUST WATCH THEM.

White folks ain’t going to reblog this. They want their version of MK Jr. that only said “I have a dream”. 

What the absolutely fuckery

Since May 2016 I’ve created well over 200 monsters, NPC’S, weather, hazards, traps, and items to add to Dungeons & Dragons 5th edition adventures and campaigns. Here is a list of FREE available material so far. Use the links below to download them from google drive. New content always available first on my Facebook group page. https://www.facebook.com/groups/dmweber/ Jungle Encounters https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzlzB4FzIyPQemxpMW9ZTDg2VzQ/view?usp=sharing 

Arctic Encounters https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzlzB4FzIyPQMDF6UE45TTZSakU/view?usp=sharing 

Desert Encounters https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzlzB4FzIyPQTWtEb2wza2Q1S28/view?usp=sharing 

Holiday Encounters https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzlzB4FzIyPQd1lsdUhZaXF5blU/view?usp=sharing 

Jurassic Encounters https://drive.google.com/file/d/0BzlzB4FzIyPQRGZRcXdqalBhc3M/view?usp=sharing

What’s in the PDF

Jungle Encounters has over 50 monsters, NPC’s, new races, weather patterns, and traps. Arctic Encounters has over 40 monsters, NPC’S, new races and weather patterns Desert Encounters has over 50 monsters, NPC’S, weather Patterns, Encounter ideas, new races and items. Holiday Encounters has over 30 Monsters, new races, and items. Jurassic Encounters has over 30 Monsters, and items.

These are amazing, honestly. The first time I used one of these was the Desert Encounters and my players fucking loved it. I made them encounter a Blank on their way to a city, they fought over who could take care of it for days but eventually forgot to bring him with them to the next city…

The amount of content within these is actually insane. I held off on reblogging this for a little while to check through it, and man am I impressed by how much there is to work with

John Mulaney for Esquire, 2019

Aight cool someone finally said it

Two years?! I’m in!

Double nana, all the way!

THIS WORKS SO FUCKING WELL