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@archival-footage

I'm sorry to interrupt you Elizabeth, if you still even remember that name. But I'm afraid you've been misinformed. You are not here to receive a gift, nor have you been called here by the individual you assume. Although you have indeed been called. You have all been called here. Into a labyrinth of sounds and smells, misdirection and misfortune. A labyrinth with no exit, a maze with no prize. You don't even realize that you are trapped. Your lust for blood has driven you in endless circles, chasing the cries of children in some unseen chamber, always seeming so near, yet somehow out of reach. But you will never find them, none of you will. This is where your story ends. And to you, my brave volunteer, who somehow found this job listing not intended for you. Although there was a way out planned for you, I have a feeling that's not what you want. I have a feeling that you are right where you want to be. I am remaining as well, I am nearby. This place will not be remembered, and the memory of everything that started this can finally begin to fade away. As the agony of every tragedy should. And to you monsters trapped in the corridors: Be still and give up your spirits, they don't belong to you. For most of you, I believe there is peace and perhaps more waiting for you after the smoke clears. Although, for one of you, the darkest pit of Hell has opened to swallow you whole, so don't keep the devil waiting, old friend. My daughter, if you can hear me, I knew you would return as well. It's in your nature to protect the innocent. I'm sorry that on that day, the day you were shut out and left to die, no one was there to lift you up into their arms the way you lifted others into yours. And then, what became of you. I should have known you wouldn't be content to disappear, not my daughter. I couldn't save you then, so let me save you now. It's time to rest. For you, and for those you have carried in your arms. This ends for all of us. End communication.

So You Want To Read Batman Comics But Have No Idea Where To Start

So: you’re new to the DC Comics fandom and are interested in Batman and his family. Maybe you already know a bit about them and are just looking to figure out where to start reading actual comics. Maybe you know nothing. Maybe you know a whole lot about one character but want to start reading more about another one.

Whichever it is, I’m here to help! There’s a wide range of Batman/Batfamily comics (for all ages, moods, and types of people), and I’m happy to meet people where they are and help people dive into comics. On that note, brace yourselves, because this is going to be a long post. Recs start under the cut.

——IMPORTANT NOTES ABOUT READING COMICS——

Superhero comics are traditionally written in what’s known as runs; an author gets to have an extended period on an ongoing (or limited) title where they (traditionally) write in 4-8 issue story arcs; think of these arcs as chapters in a potentially never-ending book. These individual issues are colloquially known as floppies. So when I talk about “Tom Taylor’s run” on the Nightwing title, for example, I’m talking about the (as of now) current writer, who’s been the main author on the Nightwing title since March 2021 and whose story arcs begin with Nightwing #78. Every so often, titles end, the principal author on the titles switch up, or they’ll have “guest/interim authors” come in to do single issues or a single story arc.

These story arcs are then collected in hardcovers or ‘trade paperbacks’ (generally referred to as trades, occasionally TPBs); both collect the entire story arc (plus bonus/behind the scenes material, in some cases) in a single paperback/hardback book. Trades are super useful if you want to read an entire story at one time, want to be economical about your comics spending, and/or want to read things in order. Occasionally, if a writer has a particularly long run on a title or a big company event happens, you get published omnibuses that collect an entire event or run (or part of it, if the event is big enough); omnis are very expensive up-front, but ultimately they tend to be good deals and are often curated well. These collections are all generally also released digitally. Frankly, unless you’re into comics collecting, want individual issues for their pretty covers, or are supporting a currently ongoing run, I would default to buying trades/omnibuses where possible. It’s simply cheaper and easier for reading.

List Notes: Each character list is sorted vaguely chronologically according to a combination of IRL publication dates and the character’s personal timeline. Big caveat that these are not all-inclusive reading lists; I’m just trying to hit major character highlights. You should also note that many comics contain multiple Batfam members due to the ridiculous number of crossover events and the solid integration of the Batfamily as a whole into each others’ books in the post-90s era. Comic rec tl;drs are given at the end of each character’s list. Most of the links will take you to Amazon/Comixology, but I also talk about various ways to access and read comics at the bottom of this post.

Secondary Note: DC Comics works in three universes: the pre-Crisis universe (everything published from the beginning of DC Comics until the Crisis on Infinite Earths event in 1986), the post-Crisis universe (everything published between 1986 and 2011), and the post-Flashpoint universe (2011-now). 

In 2011, DC completely rebooted their universe following the ‘Flashpoint’ event. This new universe (interchangably called the New 52 universe, post-Flashpoint universe, or Prime Earth) drastically changed many characters’ histories, personalities, and relationships with each other (sometimes for the better, most of the time for the worse). The early years of the post-Flashpoint universe are an absolute incoherent mess continuity-wise; DC’s been trying to sort it all out over the past few years with the Rebirth and Infinite Frontier events (with varying degrees of success), and there are definitely some bright bits and pieces, but it is not my favored universe (though I will certainly recommend it where needed or when it’s good). 

Now: let’s get started, shall we? Lists below the cut (please view on blog instead of on dashboard for easy readability and formatting purposes):

I love when women are like “you must be ugly to be so anti hookup culture and anti plastic surgery and anti makeup” Good try but i’m sorry i’m one of the few women that’s just straight up not going to work on. I have swaggering gorilla dick confidence and you cannot shame me back into line. You’re just going to have to shoot me

slasher horror: you better not have premarital sex or gerald "the stabber" douglas is gonna getcha

creepypasta: once there was a teen named alex and he was bullied so hard that he and the acid disfigured him so and he started killing everyone so they call him george the attacker

/x/: there was the skinwalker who stole my best friend's voice and then man door hand hook car door

r/nosleep: my wife was hungry for raw meat and then she gave birth to The Satan. he looked me in the eyes and said "don't go outside past midnight or else the eyeless ones might notice." but it turns out i never had a wife or son and the world ended 5 years ago on this very night.

r/twosentencehorror: i ran out of bloodmilk for my cereal. luckily, the creature provides.

mascot horror: this is silly wiggles, the candy giraffe! explore the silly wiggles candy emporium after dark! the secret ingredient is Love™! also the hidden video tapes will reveal that "Love™" is actually the copyright name for the consciousness of tortured children, mixed with the ground organs of factory workers.

indie horror: i can't describe this, there are only 7 pixels so idk what's going on

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also get peer reviewed.

Orson Welles played the same character from young man to old age in Citizen Kane with only prosthetics & makeup and it was incredibly convincing. This was in 1941. Yet we're expected to believe it's a farfetched conspiracy theory that Joe Biden is being portrayed by professional actors using the same (if not better) resources that Welles had available to him over eight decades ago? In fact I would go so far as to suggest that the more esoteric implications of Citizen Kane are exactly that; politicians are characters played by actors and spun by the media into being heroes and villains of our time. Everything we see in the political sphere is Hollywood fakery. It's a soap opera. There's a reason the title character was a media mogul first and a politician second. Not only is the film a classic within its exoteric interpretations of a man's rise and fall à la the Shakespearean tragedies it's influenced by, it's also a classic in the very meta sense that its own production sheds light on Shakespeare's "all the world's a stage" line. Which on deeper analysis refers to the fakery of what we all just assume to be true by default despite having no substantial justification for why we should. There are no reasons whatsoever to believe Biden is a genuine politician, nor Trump, nor any politician from any country for that matter. It's almost entirely theatrical. What's more, we are not simply the impressionable helpless viewers, we too are the players that complete Shakespeare's quote. Our engagement with the false narratives implicate us within the events. We quite literally play along.

theyer old enough that they used to connect 

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They're older than Florida. The Floridian peninsula is the solidified runoff of the Appalachians that got caught on some coral. It's why we're like this, I think. You don't stand a chance of being normal when you were created by the shed skin of an elder god draping itself over a hollow skeleton. You're always going to be a little Off.

@keepcatholic perhaps you should vacation in west virginia

@funnyflywheel I have been there once but would love to spend more time one day!

white people will see a menu and order from it

So true 💯💯

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Once at my last job my coworkers decided to do a group delivery for lunch. And I was in a foul mood and I'd never eaten from this particular chinese restaurant so I just clicked sesame chicken, whatever. And then I found out that my other three white coworkers were ALL ALSO GETTING SESAME CHICKEN and it made me so angry and I demanded to change my order before they clicked send and they were mad at me and I was like we are not ordering 4 containers of sugar chicken! It's disgraceful!

have you ever considered that maybe sesame chicken is just good and sometimes people just all have the same taste in food?

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The United States has a meat consumption problem. If you look at the most popular and "palatable" Americanized dish from any ethnic food tradition you're going to find the one that is primarily about seasoned meat. No "weird" vegetables allowed! And any vegetables that are present must be easy to treat like a garnish, something just there to provide some color. It isn't just embarrassing from a culinary point of view, it's also an extremely privileged attitude from an economic and environmental point of view.

I was embarrassed of my lazy choice, and when we were all collectively making the same lazy choice it didn't make me feel better about my choice it made me feel worse. It is absolutely a me problem; I am part of the problem and I am ashamed.

good God it's sesame chicken from Lucky Bamboo China House who gives a shit

Some Fatass: “The United States has a meat consumption problem.”

I’m not going to listen to this tard about anything…

even with those four numbers there are countless possible combinations good luck with figuring out which one is the right one you punk

*straightens calculator*

It’s pretty likely that it’s a four digit number, and as there are four digits chosen there, that means that there cannot be any repetition. This mean that there are:

n!/(n-4)! possible orders. As ‘n’ is 4 (number of digits available). 4!/0! which becomes 4x3x2x1/1 which simplifies to 24. That means that there are 24 possible combinations of codes. This would take you about two or three minutes to input all possible codes.

Unless an alarm goes off if you don’t get it right in 3 tries

*straightens calculator again*

Kick the fucking door in

well ‘technically’ the code is most likley 1970. statistically, a majority of people, when told to choose a 4 digit code will choose their birth year. and this key pad is obviously a few years old to put it nicely, thats most likley it. 

some sherlock holmes shit just went down over here

No, no, no. Don’t base your deductions of psychology. Let’s talk chemistry. When you first press a button, there’s more of the natural oils on your skin, and therefore it wears down the numbers on the keys faster. Obviously 0 is the first one, then. Try 0791 first.

Sherlock out.

woah.

it got better

and this is why the sherlock fandom could either rule the world or end it….

Close, but not quite, I think. People will almost always choose a number they can remember. What’s memorable about 0791? Try 0719 - a birthday, 19th of July. That is more likely.

Those deductions are great and all, but unnecessary.

The light is green.

The door is already open.

And that’s why we have a John Watson.

This is “top 10 favorite posts” level.

Omg, it’s actually on my dash! This post is like a fossil!

There’s something equally hilarious about the person calling it a fossil in 2017. Especially looking at it now in 2023

everyone is dead but the oldest dated reblog is from 2013 so this post is 10 yo and I’d like to propose 19 of July as it’s official anniversary

The one good Sherlock post