do you all remember in the early 2010s where people were talking about freeing the nipple and that mixed-gender sports should become a thing and the removal of period tax and all of that and then some people realised that would mean trans people too ans they instantly decided to revert to bioessentialism 101 and now i have to see grating sentences like Well maybe jeopardy should be gender-segregated because males have a biological advantage in pressing a button
every girl wants to get in a vehicle and flip 3-6 switches overhead in the process of turning it on
When I’m going to get frozen waffles and ramen from Walgreens.
More things should be operated with big thumb switches and knobs and dials and shit.
This is Thelockpickinglaywer and what I have for you today is something very interesting. As you can tell by the agonizing screams of the damned, I have recently left the mortal coil and, upon arriving at my destination, was informed that I did not qualify for residence. I was taken by an angel of the Lord to the mouth of Hell, and when the angel left, he closed this rather large red door and sealed it with a divine key. Although I’ve never seen this particular model of lock before, I’ve spent some time investigating the cylinder with this small shard of bone. By sticking it in the back of the keyway and slowly pulling it out, I can tell that this is a five-pin tumbler lock, that can easily be single-pin picked using this shed demon scale as a tensioner tool. Let’s try that right now. Alright, nothing on one. Nothing on two. Three is binding firmly, click out of that. Nothing on four. Five is binding, little click there, back to one. Once again, nothing. Two is binding, and we’ve dropped into a false set. Little click out of three. Nothing on four. Little click on one, counter-rotation on two, and we got this open. Okay folks, I think the main takeaway here is that no matter how much faith you place in a mechanism designed to ensure your safety, be it spiritual or physical, there is always a state in which it can fail. In any case, thank you for watching. Memento mori, and I’ll see you next time.
Anonymous asked:
Do you know what the consensus on pit bulls is? Some people say the negative stereotypes surrounding them are unfair, while others insist they’re inherently dangerous dogs that shouldn’t be kept as pets. Both views are biased to some degree, so I don’t know which to believe.
they're just. dogs.
and same as german shepards, same as huskies, same as dalmations, they have specific breed requirements and aren't right for every home! also like all dogs, they have to be trained to be a reliable and safe pet. but with their needs met and good training, they're about the same as any other dog in their size range (with individual exceptions for personal history and trauma of course)
Except pit bulls have the ability to lock their jaws unlike other dog breeds. So even if pit bulls aren't more likely to attack someone, an attack is likely to be much worse than an attack by any other breed.
common misconception! not actually true tho
they just have very strong jaws, but so do many other large breeds
The misinformation about pit bulls is so easily disproven but also bewildering.
They’re literally just a large and strong dog breed. That’s it. That’s all there is to it. They are not inherently more dangerous than any other large breed with a strong guard and/or prey drive.
They’re just dogs.
They aren’t alligators. They aren’t wolves. They aren’t bears or lions or tigers or hyenas or dingoes or boars. They’re just dogs.
And that’s all there is to them.
Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me. Listen to me.
I know there is a lot of discourse (tm) around this right now but listen to me
sometimes you do just have to lie to children.
If, when my toddler is, you know, toddling around saying “mama? Big ball?”
If I were lean down and say “unfortunately the big beach ball for some reason fills you with such an unadulterated rage that is beyond human comprehension that you scream until you pass out, so mama had to remove the beach ball from the premises until you can better regulate your emotions” she would simply stare at me like I had 3 heads full of equal betrayal.
So, for now, instead “big ball went night night!”
Please understand when I say “removed the ball from the premises” I mean I popped it in a fit of exhausted confusion. I murdered the beach ball.
See I’ve lied to you all too and it was better this way.
you can’t just leave this in the tags etc.
You can’t be funnier then me on my own posts, I’m in tears from laughter
bella was lucky she didn’t have a cell phone of any kind because you know ya boi edward would be blowing up that phone 24-7 going “saw a snail today…. effervescent” or some shit equivalent
happy 3 yr anniversary to the post that singlehandedly launched the twilight renaissance
Happy 5 year anniversary to the effervescent snail post
Oddly I don’t see a single occupation listed besides the last where they’ll murder you just because they’re having a bad day and automatically get away with it.
I have only love for the USPS.
reminder that cops have also been logging covid deaths (after refusing to comply with masking orders nationwide) as on-duty fatalities, as well as everything from heart attacks to car crashes to friendly fire. a really significant amount of cop deaths aren't actually due to Criminal Violence, but it's significant that the cops act as though *all* of them are.
what’s funniest about the pacific rim scientists is like. when newt geiszler says he’s a scientist he means an old-timey 1910s entomologist wearing khaki shorts and a comically oversized pair of binoculars traipsing through the jungle capturing endangered species of butterfly and murmuring “egads!! fascinating…..” and scribbling it in his journal. when hermann gottlieb is being a scientist it’s literally the fucking manhattan project. tortured chainsmoking physicist. pawn of a war. repressed homosexual all his life. gets executed for being a communist. And they have to do each other’s peer review
I will not be calling Twitter “X”. I will not be calling HBOMax “Max”. And I will never call Facebook “Meta”.
These names are the branding equivalent of greige. Uninspired, personality-less “minimalist” rebranding die challenge.
also it’ll piss off the execs
SARA MRAD ‘Marie Antoinette’ Bridal Collection 2022 if you want to support this blog consider donating to: ko-fi.com/fashionrunways
targuzzler-deactivated20180224
Anonymous asked:
when I was a child my cat died and the only way I could rationalise it was drawing her being crucified because I went to a catholic school and I thought that just happened to everyone when they died
I cant comment on this just fucking look at it
we passed a sign in boring that said their sister city is dull, scotland
oh there's a third! bland, new south wales!
I'm sorry but I just have to appreciate the wordplay on that last sign. It's brilliant.
tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva
my birthday is june 4th btw if anyone cares
if u were an analog horror series you would be called the sigma chronicles
My horror series is literally "gamer report"??? I deadass feel confused as shit
The Mulch Files... I actually really like that!
Boob catalog.
divorce testimony....
Autistic spaces are getting so much more hostile towards people with low empathy, and it sucks
There was a subreddit I really liked, people were chill, and then there was a sudden influx of people making posts like ‘Autistic people have empathy! Saying we don’t makes us seem like monsters! Thats not a symptom!’ And people making posts explaining that no, actually, some of us do have low empathy got attacked and told they were wrong or ableist? And it sucks, because its just so hard to find a place to exist where you can be seen as not evil? I don’t know, it just hurts a lot to be told that
We had one of Steff's comedian friends staying with us on the weekend, lovely lad called Sam from Singapore. He had never been to Wales before, and he requested that we take him to a Welsh restaurant so he could try Welsh food
That's surprisingly difficult, actually. Like a lot of Welsh culture, our culinary traditions have not exactly been applauded over the years, so you don't really see them. But a lucky Google search revealed a brand new one has just opened in SA1 called the Welsh House, so great! Away we went.
Fuck me, they went all in.
It wasn't just the menu (though fuck me, what a menu - one of their 'for the table to share' options was little mini leek and cheddar Welsh cakes with salted butter and they were paralysingly good). It wasn't just that every alcohol was Welsh, even including the wine (surprisingly good btw, called 'Naturiol'.)
The table centerpieces were daffodils. All signs for the toilets were Welsh only. The walls had photos of Wales, modern and historical; the windows had the fleur de lis; the specials board (pork belly in Welsh cider and damson sauce with honey and wild garlic glazed carrots) had dragons on. I realise this is probably normal for country-themed restaurants, but I've never been to one for Wales before.
But the best bit, see, was the music
I clocked, when we walked in, that they were playing If You Tolerate This Then Your Children Will Be Next by the Manic Street Preachers (you always clock the Manics). Ah, I thought. A Welsh song! In a Welsh restaurant! Ho ho ho.
As they seated us, it became What's New Pussycat. Ah! I thought. Another Welsh song! Fu fu fu.
Then they played Monster by the Automatic and I was like my god are they only playing Welsh music?? That's so cool! What an eclectic mix that's going to be. We should suggest to them they should look into Welsh language music too, really mix it up.
And then they played Anrheoli by Yws Gwynedd and lads, Steff and I lost our shit. We lost our fucking shit. Sam's sitting there, utterly bewildered. The staff are nervously edging away from us. We don't care. It's the first time I have ever heard a Welsh language song played outside of a Welsh language setting. We're so excited.
"They're playing Welsh music!!!" says Steff. "Holy shit!!!"
"Imagine if they played Sebona Fi!" I say, humorously.
"Nah," says Steff. "You can't in a restaurant. There'd be a riot, it's faerie music."
"...what?" says Sam
We explain the cultural phenomenon that is Sebona Fi. The song changes: Primadonna Girl, by Marina and the Diamonds.
"She's Welsh??" says Sam.
"She's from Abergavenny!" we beam.
"I don't know what that means," nods Sam, who is from Singapore.
Next: The Bartender and the Thief, by the Stereophonics. We're in high spirits. The extraordinarily Welsh wine arrives, as does the rarebit on sourdough starter. Sam, a gay man, delightedly orders the faggots and peas.
They play Ben Rhys by Gwilym Bowen Rhys, and we lose our shit again. Sam is now used to this, because comedians are adaptable. "They even have daffodils!" I say, misty eyed. "Is that relevant?" Sam asks, fascinated.
They play Hiraeth, by PLU. Hard to explain that one. Very hard to explain the effect it has when it's played in a restaurant, but Sam looks around the suddenly muted room and whispers "Are we in church?"
"It's about Hiraeth," whispers Steff. "So kind of."
Next: the Masses Against the Classes, by the Manics. Utter tonal whiplash. This playlist is not remotely restaurant appropriate. It's perfect.
"You'd think they'd pick like... a genre," Sam says dreamily. "We just went from church to the barricades."
The faggots arrive. "I forgot it would be a western sized portion," Sam says morosely, of what to me is a normal sized plate of food. He tries one, and brightens.
They play Sebona Fi.
The place erupts.
I tried to send this to my darling Welsh friend but tumblr made it awful
I... feel compelled to add that it also isn't anyone who served us in the restaurant. Welsh-themed SA1-based restaurant the Welsh House contains zero funeral clowns, to my knowledge
Reblog if you think it’s okay to platonically say “I Love You” to your friends
Slams the reblog button so damn fast
No romo 💜
*NO ROMO* *wheeze*
The number one funniest example of people inventing bullshit reasons ships they don't like are "problematic" that I've ever seen was people calling Brienne of Tarth and Jaime Lannister "like siblings".
Fam.
Have you forgotten the number one most notable trait about Jaime Lannister.
ASGDJFKXJDJXJXH
Never seen/read GOT, be right back, gotta look something up.
