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Apollo

@apo-el

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I bought my friend an elephant for their room.

They said “Thank you.”

I said “Don’t mention it.”

Is there a joke here that 15 thousand people get but I don’t?

PLEASE EXPLAIN

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT I’VE SEEN IT SO MANY FUCKING TIMES ON MY DASH AND I’VE SCROLLED THROUGH THE NOTES TO FIND AN ANSWER BUT I NEVER FUCKING FOUND ANY AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING EXPLAIN

lmfao

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apo-el

No one explain.

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dead

I mean, yes, this is funny, but mostly I’m just struck by how AMAZING language and its capacity for evolution and elasticity is. This would be incomprehensible to an English-speaker living in any other time.

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negritaaa

it honestly looks like a different language

Do you know how long it took me to figure out what idgaf means? I only got it when I realized what the scene was.

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klefable
Anonymous asked:

Your collarbone's sticking out too much, eat a burger!!

all I hear is insecurity about your own collarbone bud please get a new hobby

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apo-el

Fat shaming is not ok. Skinny shaming is ALSO NOT OK.

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reblogged

everyone else always seems to fucking get cool shit and i always get like...

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apo-el

Enhanced durability and gold manipulation. So, I'm like Weld from Worm, I'm made of metal and I absorb metal into myself, but only gold.

I hope nobody tries to steal me and melt me down. Maybe I should just become a supervillain, absorb Fort Knox, and THEN fight crime as the giant golden man.

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incest

And then Satan said, “Put the alphabet in math.” 

fuck off i hate math

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apo-el

What? I was considering joining your legion, but that's a dealbreaker right there.

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Stop using “asexuals are only 1% of the population” as an excuse to dismiss them or try to invalidate people because you know how many people are on this fucking planet? Over seven billion people.

So you know how much “1% of the population” is?? Over seventy million people.

That’s double the size of the entire population of Canada. The entire population of Canada could be asexual.

shhh nobody’s supposed to know

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apo-el

That opens up a whole lot of questions. Do Canadians reproduce by budding? Does Canada advertise itself as a safe haven for asexuals and gets a lot of immigrants? How would they do so if nobody is supposed to know?

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dennys

THIS BLOG BROUGHT TO YOU BY HYPNOCAKES

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apo-el

That looks rather ta- ALL GLORY TO THE HYPNO-CAKE

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amroyounes

Believe it or not, the present is not as gloomy as you think

Please memorize the second one.

This is so important to me

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reblogged

THANK YOU

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princette

this post is shit not only is it victim blaming but has it occurred to anyone that agrees with this that there are so many people that turn to the internet as a safe space? So what the fuck are they going to do when life is shitty and they want to relax but they can’t even keep to themselves on a fucking website without some shitstain jumping in to harass them and yall’s dumbasses attacking the victim w/ this bullshit. 

Not to mention a lot of people affected by it are fucking minors. & that a lot of cyberbullying is also paired w/ real life bullying so you have kids stuck because they can’t go out because they’ll be harassed but then they can’t even go online and talk to their friends because they’ll also be harassed!

How about instead of telling people, usually kids, to just get the fuck over others treating them like shit and ignoring it or in this case turning off their computer you start holding the people that say and do nasty things responsible.

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cowscratch

It’s the internet equivalent to “well then just don’t go outside if someone is stalking you! Duh!” It’s stupid, victim-blaming, and ignorant.

In this day and age, many people’s lives and livelihoods are online. A greater disproportionate amount of those victims are women, POC and LGBTQ people. So yeah, if they’re getting daily death and rape threats, just tell ‘em to close up shop! Great idea, genius!

Online harassment and cyberbullying is A Real Thing™ that we all need to wake up and start fighting.

Yeah =(

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apo-el

"How to deal with (insert problem here): go away so I don't have to know about it."

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my requirements for sleeping at night: is the pillow cool enough? are my legs positioned so they don't put too much weight on each other? are my arms tucked in nicely and not at odd angles? can I stop thinking about the day's events? is enough of my body out from under the blanket that I won't overheat? are my toes safely tucked in to hide them from monsters?
my requirements for sleeping in the morning: is the surface vaguely horizontal and not made entirely out of hornets
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Too powerful to not reblog.

how about calling her mother from her phone and watching her till she came to pick her up instead of picking up an unconscious girl throwing her in your car and driving to the “address you found in her phone (yet I’ve never in my life heard of someone keeping an address in their phone?)”

also how about not making up stories for yikyak

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drumrbaxj

Good point. I didn’t even realise this when I first read it, that taking her home is still kind of creepy.

beardlyfe

Just like tumblr, someone goes out of their way to do something nice and gets bashed for it.

1. Anyone that thinks this person really did this needs to ask themselves how they found their address in their phone or why they were going through their phone in the first place with the intention of finding their address when.. No one saves their own address in their phone.. Especially not a female that spends her whole life going out of her way to not get followed

The only way they could have then found her address is to go through all of her text messages looking for a text where she may have given her address to a friend..

At this point.. Already fucking creepy

2. After doing all of that work, they then put a female into their car that did not know them..without their permission

3. Wouldn’t it have been way easier to search contacts for “mom” or “dad” and call them to pick her up?? Yes.

So 4. This story is either completely made up or

5. They were not being honest at all about their intentions for finding this poor girl’s address and putting her into their car

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tmedia

Can I play devil’s advocate here? The lock screen on my phone has my address and work phone number on it. This is in case I lose the phone somewhere - people can’t unlock it, but they can still contact me. Also, in my address book, the very first entry is mine and is labelled “My Profile” and it also has my address and contact info.

Can we please not be so jaded to think that maybe, just maybe, something mostly good was done here?

But Joe… You’re a male. A smart female does not put her address on the lock screen of her phone because she does not want someone that would be willing to steal a phone.. To also have her home address as well

Women and men treat these situations very differently because we’re raised in the defense mode our entire lives.

How about we all just be happy that someone did a nice thing instead of looking for something else to get upset about.  Holy crap, people.  Even after a guy stands up and does the right thing, someone has to call him out on his ‘intentions.’  No good deed goes unpunished…

you really missed the point didn’t you

This dude probably didn’t expect her mom to be home.

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equius

hello tumblr. i am the person who posted that yak 3 days ago after i went to a party with some friends. let me tell you what happened so you can stop spinning tales about what you believe happened, because all of you are honestly way out of the ballpark. leave it to tumblr to assume the worst and attack people for literally everything.

i had been at this place for about 2 hours or so. i usually don’t like going out, especially to parties, but my friend sam was going to be there and she told me that there was going to be some craft beer and locally-made cheese, stuff like that. she and i went to culinary school together, so we’re always talking about stuff like this. i agreed to go just for the food and shit.

anyway, sam and my other friend brian eventually had to leave because of home obligations, but i stuck around to watch a bunch of half-drunk people play sm4sh. eventually, the party began to break up and everyone was leaving. i was getting my coat from the hallway when i noticed this chick propped up against the wall in the bathroom. i went in there to check on her and she was mildly receptive to me. she mumbled a few things but i couldn’t tell what she was saying. i asked the owner of the house if he knew her, and he said no, but he said that she ‘was always welcome to sleep upstairs after everyone was gone until she woke up’ and that just didn’t sound right to me. i told him that i’d drive her home and he just sort of laughed and made mild insinuations that i’d be doing something else. 

i picked up her phone to see if i could call her mom first, before i decided to drive anywhere with her. her phone, like mine, isn’t passcoded. i don’t use a passcode on my phone because i’m a lazy piece of shit. i don’t know why her’s wasn’t either. i went through her contacts looking for ‘mom’ or anything related to it, but i was unable to find her mom or any people in there with family-oriented titles. i guessed that her phone, like mine, was synced with her facebook, and all of her contacts had their facebook names instead of contact names. however, at the top, she had her own contact info, along with her address. i tried then searching for people with her last name, but pulled up nothing. i could then only assume that she didn’t have family, or that she was an only child with remarried parents. i didn’t know what to do then.

the house owner was looking a little irritated that i was still there, and again asked me if i wanted to take her upstairs, and i refused. feeling slightly worried for both her and myself, i just patted her face and asked her if i could drive her home. she just slurred and rolled her head to the side, and that was as good as i was going to get. i just wanted to get her out of there. i didn’t want to call the police and start something with the home owner; he was already getting pissy. her address was only about 20 minutes away from where i was at, so i carried her out to my car, put all my junk in the front seat and laid her in the back, putting my coat and stuff under her head in case she threw up. 

and i drove to her house. she didn’t wake up while i was driving. i parked in front of her house and knocked on the front door. her mom answered it right away; i could only assume that she’d been waiting up for her daughter. 

i then explained that her daughter had a little too much to drink and i’d found her passed out in the bathroom. immediately her mother put a hand to her mouth and looked incredibly worried. i told her that everything was fine, and that her daughter was in my car resting in the backseat, and that i had brought her back because i didn’t feel comfortable leaving her at the house.

it was then that her mother started crying and she hugged me. she called me a precious young lady, which i didn’t even bother correcting because it really didn’t matter at that point, and we both helped her daughter inside. her mom tried to offer me money, which i refused, because i don’t see why i needed to be rewarded or anything. i just told her to make sure that her daughter was okay, and i drove home. no more, no less.

-

this is exactly what happens when people on tumblr see something good that happened. you guys assume that because an implored male posted that yak, that he immediately had wrong intentions about the situation. someone had the opportunity to take advantage of a girl, but instead he takes her home like any decent human should do, and then tumblr decides to dissect the entire thing piece by piece, and call him creepy for looking through her phone to find contacts or an address.

i’m so fucking ashamed to be a part of a website that lives and breathes feminism and rights for women and speaking out against rape culture, and then you attack people that tried to get a girl home safe by looking through her phone and then driving her home because it wasn’t safe to leave her alone.

thank you, tumblr. thank you a lot

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apo-el

Has #notallmen really tricked you people into thinking 'Yes, all men'?

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reblogged

Scientists discover most relaxing tune ever

Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and Coldplay. Weightless works by using specific rhythms, tones, frequencies and intervals to relax the listener. A continuous rhythm of 60 BPM causes the brainwaves and heart rate to synchronise with the rhythm: a process known as ‘entrainment’. Low underlying bass tones relax the listener and a low whooshing sound with a trance-like quality takes the listener into an even deeper state of calm.

a-peace-train maybe this will help you relax with exams

So beautiful

really helped revise for my gcses!

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apo-el

It's not a Rick Roll.

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reblogged

In case you’re wondering what we’re up to today, my 3yo just marched past me with his chest puffed up, his penis pulled out, and humming this Disney classic.

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apo-el

I guess he needed a cock for best effect.