I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE LIFESAVER MINTS HAVE A HOLE IN THE MIDDLE BECAUSE IF IT GETS CAUGHT IN YOUR THROAT YOU CAN STILL BREATHE.

that feature sounds like a real life saver

i hate everyone

I JUST WANTED TO PLAY MONOPOLY

LOCAL DOG DESTROYS CAPITALISM

OHMYGOD. 

Why would there be a bottle of wine on the stove?!

WTF Barbie you can’t use a cutting board for a bulletin board

BARBIE! you should know better than to leave a cheese grater on the edge of the fridge! someone could get hurt!

Um, okay, DOES NO ONE REALIZE THAT BARBIE is cleaning her kitchen floor with a garden hose? Get it together, Barbie.

OH MY GOD BARBIE! ARE YOU JUST GOING TO LEAVE THOSE DIRTY DISHES IN YOUR SINK? SERIOUSLY GET IT TOGETHER BARBIE!

…Seriously?

People. Wow. Open your EYES.

Is NOBODY going to point out how Barbie is CLEANING HER FLOOR

IN

WHITE

PANTS???

CLOSE THE DAMN REFRIGERATOR! YOUR LETTING ALL THGE COLD OUT!

Barbie, seriously? The blender on top of the fridge? You could get hurt!!1

Guys for the love of god how can you not notice the freaking rat next to the fridge?! WTF Barbie? Clean your house more often, would ya?

Barbie, who the hell puts a calculator on their fridge. COME ON! GET WITH THE TIMES!

I love how everyone pretends not to notice the toaster next to the sink. BARBIE! YOU COULD GET ELECTROCUTED IF THAT FELL IN! GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER GURL!

what the hell is wrong with you people???!?!?!

omfg how can you not notice the fact the fridge has three layers of drawers on the bottom? what the fuck?? barbie fridges dont work that way im sorry

SERIOUSLY?!! YOU PEOPLE ARE SICK! CAN YOU SEE THAT A SERIOUS CRIME HAS BEEN COMMITTED HERE?!!

THAT WALLPAPER! IT’S HIDEOUS! Get a freakin’ sense of style, woman!

theres a dead body

Wipe those pathetic loser tears off your winner face. Next year, do better and pawn this sucker off on someone else. In the meantime, practice winning by voting on someone who did.

Today, I fucked up... by buying a bottle of wine at the movies

Went to fancy movie theater with date. Decide to buy a bottle of wine. Go back to bar. Ask for two glasses. Bartender says he needs two ID’s. I’m too lazy to go back to seats to grab dates ID. Tell him I’m alone and was embarrassed to ask for just one glass. He is clearly sympathetic. Idiot me then tries to sell the story and continue on about how lonely I’ve been recently. He tells me he’s off in a few minutes and insists on watching the movie with me. I try to fight it but I could only argue so much without giving away the truth. Bartender is insistent. I text my date what’s happening. Go back to theater with my new date. Sit a few rows in front of my first date. She has the stupidest grin on her face as me and the bartender (Jared) sit a couple rows in front of her. He ends up being super cool and bought me and him another bottle during the movie. Movie ends. I thank him for his gesture. He didn’t even ask for my number or anything. I think Jared was just a genuine guy trying to comfort someone. Met back up with my date in the parking lot and thankfully she found the whole thing hilarious.

I don’t deserve Jared.

-thebassoe

I WENT ON THE GUY’S PROFILE AND LOOK AT HIM OMG

white people who literally just don’t get it: a memoir

Home Alone (1990, Comedy) Two burglars attempt to murder an abandoned 8-year-old child

Always http://daily-harry-potter.tumblr.com