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I Make God Cry

@anxiousmidwestern

Alex, they/them, Taurus, non-binary lesbian Follow me on Tik Tok! @badripz
All poetry is now on my Insta! @depressed_p0et
main insta is bad_ripz
i ran away a lot as a kid. i ran until i couldn’t go further and my parents would find me not at all far from home but to me i felt like i had fled the country. i still find myself running sometimes. from lovers whose feelings i could not reciprocate and family who i could not forgive. will there be i time where i am stagnant? where i will find myself chained down to one place so i can find fulfillment in this lifetime? or will i always run? run until the sunsets run out and the clouds are shaped as the people of my past, until the ground is rocky and my feet are bleeding, until i finally exhaust myself and die where i stopped. i don’t know if i will ever find myself stopped or if i will forever be a runaway child.

my feet hurt…

my dad told me that when i was a toddler, i ran away a few times. but the one time i ran away when he was gone, my mother had to look for me. they had just had their first separation and i guess i hadn’t taken it well. we were living with my grandma in a trailer a few blocks away from our old place. when my mom found me less than an hour later, she had found me on the steps to her and my dads trailer. even now, as an adult i find myself still running from home. but somehow i keep being dragged back here and being left to mope on the doorstep.

- i ran from my problems, but they caught up with me

centrists: i don’t believe in genocide, but i’ll defend to the death your right to organize, recruit, distribute propaganda, and make clear statements saying that you are about to commit genocide. i don’t believe in it though and i don’t understand how it happens

college is such a strange period of life. i drove to class at 7pm and left at 9pm feeling like i failed the final and wanted to crash my car on the way home. i passed a group of teenagers eating ice cream on the curb with their bikes piled behind them on the sidewalk. i desperately wanted to experience the gullibility of youth again. when i didn’t care that i got a C on a test or if i needed to pull another all nighter to study again. when i didn’t know how stressed i would be sitting at the my desk as i wrote a six page paper in under four hours. when i thought those nights spent at the dinner table with my dad as he yelled at me over my math homework would be the worst part of school. i want to be a kid on a curb again, my hands sticky from the spongebob popsicle, and my legs itchy with misquito bites.

i am a coward. there’s no denying it. i have ran from everything that scared me until it was a tiny dot in the rear view mirror. i refuse to listen to my thoughts when they remind me of my secrets and wrongdoings so i bang my head against the wall until those thoughts go away. i am a coward through and through, watch me run.

me and the bad thing have toppled over the cliff and are rotting at the bottom of the ocean

"yo mr. white", "tell me, will", "louis, mon cher..." is my absolute favorite genre of posts followed closely by posts that try to explain anything the incomphrensible way kendall roy or dean winchester would say it.