it will always be funny to me how Jon/The Archivist progressed from "god I fucking hate martin. i hate him so much he's literally the worst and is not qualified at all for this job. I don't care of this is a violation, I genuinely want to make this job as horrible for him as possible just so he quits because I fucking hate him. I got him out of the institute and finally felt happiness for the first time in 30 years. I kind of hope he dies. I really hope he dies. I might kill him myself" in season one, to "I think martin should stay behind when we go fight evil monsters. because he'll slow us down. definitely because he'll slow us down and not because I care about him" in season three, to "omg hiiiii darling hi baybee hi love of my life light of my life my wittol toenail clippings :333 you're adorable and you're the best thing that's ever happened to me, I love you and will kill myself to protect you. and the human race or whatever :3333" in season five. character development at it's finest
“Statement regarding… [sigh] a barbie doll sighted entering the real world and becoming a human to face the horrors of patriarchy and the epic highs and lows of womanhood. Statement begins.”
Can you imagine how many problems would have been solved for everyone if jon had happened upon og elias's work-weed, stashed in a statement's evidence tin?
- Supernatural appetite? Course corrected back toward junk food
- Supernatural paranoia? Use the weed as a scapegoat, too much too fast and suddenly you think the whole room can hear your thoughts
- Can't quit your job? Roll a joint with strips of should-be-preserved documents and blow rings at the smoke detectors the ceo refuses to fix
- Clown wants your skin? Can't feed on fear if the fear-sandwich physiologically can't be bothered to care
- Need an excuse to be in your crush's space? Woo him with conveniently timed tea for his dry mouth
- Tricked into reading a statement that'll end the world? Not if you can't stop laughing over how funny elias' accent sounds when pronouncing all these dramåtiquê invocations
- Company mandated drug screen? Golden opportunity to deliver it straight to the source while elias is away from his desk
mojo dojo casa house
Howdy folks! Sorry for the delay, I was, uhhhh covering the Tour de France. Anyway, I'm back in Chicago which means this blog has returned to the Chicago suburbs. I'm sure you've all seen Barbie at this point so this 2019 not-so-dream house will come as a pleasant (?) surprise.
Yeah. So this $2.4 million, 7 bed, 8.5+ bath house is over 15,000 square feet and let me be frank: that square footage is not allocated in any kind of efficient or rational manner. It's just kind of there, like a suburban Ramada Inn banquet hall. You think that by reading this you are prepared for this, but no, you are not.
Scale (especially the human one) is unfathomable to the people who built this house. They must have some kind of rare spatial reasoning problem where they perceive themselves to be the size of at least a sedan, maybe a small aircraft. Also as you can see they only know of the existence of a single color.
Ok, but if you were eating a single bowl of cereal alone where would you sit? Personally I am a head of the table type person but I understand that others might be more discreet.
It is undeniable that they put the "great" in great room. You could race bicycles in here. Do roller derby. If you gave this space to three anarchists you would have a functioning bookshop and small press in about a week.
The island bit is so funny. It's literally so far away it's hard to get them in the same image. It is the most functionally useless space ever. You need to walk half a mile to get from the island to the sink or stove.
Of course, every McMansion has a room just for television (if not more than one room) and yet this house fails even to execute that in a way that matters. Honestly impressive.
The rug placement here is physical comedy. Like, they know they messed up.
Bling had a weird second incarnation in the 2010s HomeGoods scene. Few talk about this.
Honestly I think they should have scrapped all of this and built a bowling alley or maybe a hockey rink. Basketball court. A space this grand is wasted on sports of the table variety.
You would also think that seeing the rear exterior of this house would help to rationalize how it's planned but:
Not really.
Anyways, thanks for coming along for another edition of McMansion Hell. I'll be back to regular posting schedule now that the summer is over so keep your eyes peeled for more of the greatest houses to ever exist. Be sure to check the Patreon for today's bonus posts.
Not into recurring payments? Try the tip jar, because media work is especially recession-vulnerable.
Are we sure ken found the way back to barbieland?
Actually all fossil reconstructions are wrong because flesh only evolved recently. Before that it was bone world
imagine this thing just walking around
i lied. i don't actually like sex. put your clothes back on. i'm going to explain the entire plot of the magnus archives.
everyone's always like "hot jarchivist rights" and while i absolutely agree, what about creepy jarchivist rights. some ppls designs are so tame, let him be scary.
I second this, he literally describes himself as a monster
I love how all the fandom agrees that Jon is a "good with kids against their will" person and Martin is a "They can smell FEAR" person
'Crowley was so brave to make his confession' yeah yeah granted but, the thing is, Aziraphale was so brave to say "our car"
This is the dude that hired the clown
i love that you can just say “this is the the dude that hired the clown” AND EVERYONE IMMEDIATELY KNOWS WHAT YOURE TALKING ABOUT.
Today I am thinking about Michael Sheen
I am thinking specifically about Michael Sheen's AO3 account
I am thinking specifically about the NDA I would sign and the money I would pay to look at the history tab of Michael Sheen's AO3 account
I too want to be so gay and in love that my relationship is part of an “institutional problem” and the actual Metatron, Voice of God, has to come down from heaven on high to stealth break us up because the miracles we do together are too strong. Power couple
like there comes a point where you think something is fundamentally wrong with you. and then it turns out it’s just Friday and you haven’t washed your hair in three days and maybe you’re also just a little lonely and the combination of all three of those things is whittling a hole into your chest every time you breathe. but also the sun’s up. and you’ve survived everything so far, so you’ll survive this too, even if it hurts, even if you have to survive it many times.
I like a conspiracy theory as much as the next girl but it is much funnier to me that Crowley can't remember anyone not because of nefarious memory-wiping but because he was kind of a dickhead workaholic who made zero effort to remember colleagues names if they couldn't advance his career
thinking about the theory that if they erased crowleys memories of his time in heaven (the same way they erased gabriels) and crowley still goes to aziraphale (without his memory) in the garden of eden bc everything would be better if you were near one particular person✨️
let's be honest, how else did we think he got all those fire extinguishers?
the fact that everybody spent four years drawing devastatingly stylish and sultry femme!crowley and then he turned up with THESE LOOKS is just the funniest shit imaginable.
incredible scenes.