De4th Di4ry

I dreamt I was laying in Matt’s bed. It wasn’t his bed at mom’s or back home… it was in some random basement on the floor. I was laying in it, thinking about the springs in my back, the level of uncomfort he was living in, and proclaimed in my dream I was going to buy him a new bed.

I woke up and started planning on it… I forgot for a few seconds he is gone.

Sometimes I forget how young Lila is, how young eight years old is.

This morning when I woke her up for school, she had her baby Yoda stuffie tucked under the blankets, resting on a pillow. It’s things like this that remind me how much of a child she still is. I hope she can keep that awhile longer.

Grief doesn't just show up the day they die

Grief shows up on a random Monday night

Grief shows up in aisle five at the grocery store

Grief shows up when they're favorite song comes on the radio

Grief shows up at the dining room table

Grief shows up at your graduation and wedding

Grief shows up in the delivery room when they aren't by your side or in the pictures

Grief shows up on those sleepless nights

Grief shows up when the phone rings and it isn't them

Grief shows up when you go to dial their number and realize they'll never answer again

Grief shows up time and time again always unexpected and never invited

Grief doesn't just show up the day they die