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Made Just to fuck with people.

@annoyinganon

Lmaooooo

@claudescannabis *busts down door with cake in hands*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

*high pitched scream*

Oh wow, you're really excited

I HAD LIKE 7 LOCKS ON THE DOOR AND YOU BURST IN SO SUDDENLY, IM KINDA SCARED YO

Oh you were scared

sorry :(

Whew it’s okay……is that cake for me 👀

Yes, it is!

OOHOO GIMME GIMME GIMME

Okay! Here you go

Did you make this cake?

If I answer will you hate it

…. Okay! I assume that it won’t kill me, so I’m gonna have a slice!

look i made sure to follow the instructions very closely and try to add a few of your favorite things

Aha

A few of my favorite things? Like…edible things?

Yes, of course!

Oh thank goodness, here I go

Hopefully I did good..!

Well! It’s certainly cake

It’s good! I like the, uh… cheesy center!

Cheesy? I... didn't put any cheese in

Is it only this slice???

I mean-- There- There shouldn't be any to begin with!

Did you accidentally drop a piece of cheese in the batter

That's preposterous-- Oh, uh actually, now that I think about it, uh. Maybe a little

....Ugh

Psst. I got a small cupcake, ain't a full cake but it shouldn't have any cheese in it. Give it to Claude as a back up.

Every time I see a post about updog I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help the poster complete their joke.

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tommyeatseaton

okay but what’s updog ?

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jaiwithinnumerableunblinkingeyes

Updog is a long sausage in a bun often served with ketchup, mustard, onion e, and/or relish.

No, that’s a hotdog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released

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You’re thinking of update. Updog is when you end a sentence with a rising intonation.

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invertedporcupine

No, that’s uptalk.  You’re thinking of the fourth-largest city in Sweden.

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surely that’s Uppsala, whereas Updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter.

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That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs

You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current.

no that’s an updraft

updog isn’t a noun at all, it’s a verb; it basically means to chew someone out, or harshly lecture them

No, that’s upbraid. An updog is a small dog that likes cuddling on people’s laps.

No that’s a puppydog. An updog is when the Mets win.

No that’s an upset. An updog is the modern version of a henway.

What’s a henway?

Oh, about 5 pounds.

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ifeellikesmeg

GOTTEM

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spectralheartt

this post pushed me down the stairs and stole my firstborn child

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haiku-robot

No, that’s uptalk. You’re thinking of the fourth-largest city in Sweden. Haiku Bot v2021.1~beta I make mistakes. I am buggy too. Sorry! | HAIKU BOT NO! Paypal | Patreon

Good job Haiku Bot. Good job.

Anonymous asked:

Could you write a calming lullaby?

Sure.

It’s for a little baby. The lullaby is for the baby’s benefit. (Crying is for adults, and should not be thought of as a baby-friendly sound.)

A little baby would be okay with this lullaby, and would probably even enjoy it.

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What’s the lullaby though?

It’s for a baby! His name is Mi-Xing. He is one and a half years old now.

That's great Frank. What are the lyrics to the lullaby?

Anonymous asked:

Top ten reasons you're happy?

(1) I am seeing a psychiatrist to be prescribed Zoloft, because I am really bad at sticking to my medication. This is sad because it means my happiness level is way below the cut-off for good functioning.

(2) I am reading five science books a day

(3) My body is mostly normal, but I have recently been exercising regularly. It has helped a lot with getting out of bed in the morning.

(4) My work is a really good time sink – I work about a quarter of the time I want to, but I still get things done.

(5) People are generally kind to me, even when this is not necessarily the case (I am no saint!).

(6) I just finished a huge volume of reading about theories of intellectual productivity. It’s going to be a very interesting book.

(7) I am interviewing someone for a job who is on the opposite side of the country and I am figuring out how to translate some of the conversations between us.

(8) I have one friend who is a vampire.

(9) I’m on a few social medias, and they’re good places to be.

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You just need 1 more, frank.

(10) The sweet music in my head

:)

Anonymous asked:

Top ten reasons you're happy?

(1) I am seeing a psychiatrist to be prescribed Zoloft, because I am really bad at sticking to my medication. This is sad because it means my happiness level is way below the cut-off for good functioning.

(2) I am reading five science books a day

(3) My body is mostly normal, but I have recently been exercising regularly. It has helped a lot with getting out of bed in the morning.

(4) My work is a really good time sink – I work about a quarter of the time I want to, but I still get things done.

(5) People are generally kind to me, even when this is not necessarily the case (I am no saint!).

(6) I just finished a huge volume of reading about theories of intellectual productivity. It's going to be a very interesting book.

(7) I am interviewing someone for a job who is on the opposite side of the country and I am figuring out how to translate some of the conversations between us.

(8) I have one friend who is a vampire.

(9) I'm on a few social medias, and they're good places to be.

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You just need 1 more, frank.

Just contemplating my sins. Staring at the void wondering if I'd be found in it. The rocks all have eyes.

Anonymous asked:

Don’t cut off your hands, it will hurt

I already cannot feel my hands

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Please don’t cut them off

why not

Just don’t? That’s bad. And I’ll have to change your name to King Stubby

in that case im bashing my head against it and either it's gonna break or ill finally fucking die

Wait actually don’t

Let me just

Untie it

....................

yeah that's an idea

HA yeah! We’re fucking stupid

Very fucking stupid

Okay i untied it,

be free

thanks im gonna go raid the dining hall i have not eaten in 5 days

Wh— FIVE DAYS?

yeah

sometimes you just, you know, don't eat

You know what fair

Thanks now I'm gonna go eat before I die

No dying

none of you bitches will just let me die it sucks

I don’t want you to???

why not

I already told you why, I still like you

But why

Because even though you’re angry and can tear me to pieces, you haven’t yet :) because you’re sweet

well, yeah, I would never do that.

Oh yeah?

Yeah.

Ah heh

Cool thanks

Of course Claude

Well uhhh! Heh! I’m gonna let you eat now

NO YOU FUCKING COWARD!