Ranting 101 - a view from a social outcast

I hate to be judged. But since I’ve decided to post this online, I guess it can’t be helped.

I’m struggling with everything.

It’s hard being an adult, and not being raised from a wealthy family. It’s frustrating to see that my friends from high school seem to have made it all in life: travelling around the globe, managing businesses, have their own house and cars, raising a family and all that. And it feels like no one knows you anymore. It’s hard to even greet any of them when I see them in public, fearing they won’t recognize me, and yes, most of the time they don’t know me anymore.

I woke up and pray Checked my phone and made pancakes. I went on with my day Work, home, sleep Work, home, sleep Ignoring the fact that I met you, I've known you I loved, and you left. I hide the pain and the scars everyday at work, home, Even in my sleep. I convince myself I haven't dreamed of you last night and the night before that. You didn't break me I didn't let you You haven't been a part of me I didn't allow you. If this were a song I'll sing it straight to your ears Until you bleed. If these words could travel your dreams I hope it haunts you every night Just like you haunting mine What did you do to me? You cannot break me. I will live like we didn't happen My eyes will smile like it didn't cry for you I will dance like I never stopped dancing And I will write, until I can't write anymore. You didn't break me. Because I didn't let you.

Close your eyes and listen to the whispers of your heart.

The sad thing is, I actually thought you were different.

That feeling.

That feeling.. It approached us fast Intense beating of the heart Walls crashing down, heat rising Eyes staring deep into my soul I welcomed it with open arms That feeling.. This is all I ever wanted Building dreams, random thoughts Late night talks, afternoon walks A piece of your mind, a little piece of me You hold my hand like it was part of yours I kissed you hard like it could quench my thirst It happened a little too fast That feeling.. That came rushing in Suddenly hurt too much Breaking every bit of this reality with razor sharp claws Then it turned into a poison arrow Burying deep into my scars It tried to destroy me. I grabbed the arrow buried in my back I broke it into two, embraced the pain and fell asleep That feeling.. That shouldn't even exist Doesn't need to start Doesn't really belong Isn't supposed to be lovers Just two souls searching for meaning The heart tricked us into feeling something so real And that feeling.. It quickly died, flew out of my chest Leaving us empty Wondering what just happened That feeling.. That felt so real happened a little too fast It died so soon.

Dear.

Hush now, my dear I haven't seen you in a while You're always busy You need to rest Come here and let me take care of you. How's work? I know it's been hard. You always give your best, Yet they give you nothing but hurt But you love what you do. And I always love that about you. My dear, believe me when I say you need some time off. Take a deep breath, and spend time with me. And be contented with just me. Rest until your wounds heal. And smile when you're ready. No one should make you feel worthless, my dear. You're special. You're a very important part of me. I will be guarding you day and night, So no one can see you, And ask you of anything. My dear, I won't let you go out there. I won't let them see those tears. I will protect you for as long as I live. Go to sleep now, my dear heart. I will not wake you up for a very long time...

Ang payo ko sa puso ko, at sa inyong lahat

Hindi mo pwedeng sisihin ang Silent Sanctuary dahil lang kinakanta nyo ang mga kanta nila nung masaya pa kayo. 

Hindi ka pwedeng malungkot pag ikaw ang nagpa-process ng papers ng kamag anak nya dahil una sa lahat, hindi ka naman nyan kilala. At pangalawa, trabaho mo yan. 

Hindi mo pwedeng itapon ang mga damit na nasuot mo nung nagkikita pa kayo.

 Hindi mo pwedeng iwasan ang Favorite mong restaurant dahil lang dun kayo naging opisyal na magsyota noon.

Hindi ka pwedeng ma-badtrip kung nakikita mo ang number 10 o kaya yung petsa ng kaarawan nya dahil wala naman silang pakealam kung may issue ka sa mga yan.

Hindi ka pwedeng mabwisit sa mga tao, bagay, hayop, at kalesa sa Vigan dahil lang doon kayo nagbakasyon nung masaya pa kayo. 

Hindi ka pwedeng mainis sa mga taong kapangalan nya dahil wala naman silang ginagawang masama sayo. 

Magpasalamat ka nalang na naging parte sya ng buhay mo at naging kayo. 

Tandaan mong itong mga kinakainisan mo ngayon ay minsan nagpasaya sa'yo. 

Pwede kang umiyak, ng umiyak, ng umiyak. Lilipas din yan. Tiwala lang. Isang araw magigising ka nalang, at nakangiti ka na ulit. Maaari pa ring bumalik ang nararamdaman mo pag nagkita kayo. 

Maaaring sya rin ganoon. Malay mo sa tamang panahon kayo rin lang pala sa huli. Pero wag ka munang umasa. Pag aralan mong mamuhay ng hindi mo sya nakakausap. Tandaan mo kung ano yung mga bagay na ginagawa mo noong wala pa sya sa buhay mo. 

Magdasal ka. Magiging okay din ang lahat.

My Dear

Hush now, my dear I haven't seen you in a while You're always busy You need to rest Come here and let me take care of you. How's work? I know it's been hard. You always give your best, Yet they give you nothing but hurt But you love what you do. And I always love that about you. My dear, believe me when I say you need some time off. Take a deep breath, and spend time with me. And be contented with just me. Rest until your wounds heal. And smile when you're ready. No one should make you feel worthless, my dear. You're special. You're a very important part of me. I will be guarding you day and night, So no one can see you, And ask you of anything. My dear, I won't let you go out there. I won't let them see those tears. I will protect you for as long as I live. Go to sleep now, my dear heart. I will not wake you up for a very long time...