Satisfying Crunch

ultra mega cunt eater

When will they make a horror movie that nuts up and puts glitter in the fake blood

replacing my mental illness with vampirism

bidenstar has received his nine lives and is the new leader of americaclan

hey look he got his leader mark too

I have now seen have a bag of plastic bags attributed to growing up in a black household, a Latino household, an immigrant household, an Appalachian household and a “white trash” household. I think it’s time to just admit that we all have a plastic bag bag

lesbian vampire about to suck your blood: are u sure this is ok i don’t want to be predatory ;;

ma’khia bryant was a 16 year old Black girl who called the police for help as she was getting mugged but was shot and killed with no warning minutes before the verdict for derek chauvin’s case was announced. here is the official gofundme for ma’khia, organized by her family. please boost this post and donate if you can.

I think like, the death of Vine and Rabbit, Wikipedia constantly needing to beg for money, Discord depending so heavily on venture capital, Facebook turning towards spying on users to generate a return on all the venture capital that got them started, Adobe creative suite turning into a subscription rather than a single product you buy, the strangulation of streaming entertainment as every company pulls their content and makes it exclusive to their service, are all great examples of how like, it really doesn't matter if something is legitimately useful, efficient, or beloved, it is next to impossible for a service to exist if it doesn't make shareholders increasing amounts of money year after year. Which may seem like a "no duh" type of statement, but it's a very simple window into how the profit motive makes products and services worse, not better. And how that's not just a matter of certain companies or ceos being bad and greedy on an individual level, but is an inescapable factor of an economy where existence is dependent on generating capital.

good evening soup lovers. soup haters dni

every day i am filled with love and adoration for lesbian masculinity

— Stone Butch Blues, Leslie Feinberg (via sonnywortzik)

what muppet are you?

I love tumblr. I love that tumblr is the best social media site of 2021.

Every other site has spent the last decade perfecting the art of targeted ads. I am a wallet of flesh and blood which must be stripped bare and profiled and picked apart for the maximally efficient way to squeeze profit from my presence. Every other site will fold and morph itself to a shape of my liking - like a fairy tale trickster stealing memories and taking their mold - to lull me into compliance and loosen my coin purse.

Facebook sees me searching fitness equipment and injects my timeline with athletic wear ads. Reddit profiles the subreddits I follow and eagerly promotes a new coding bootcamp or cloud service at every turn. Google overhears me lamenting over my moving to-do list on voice call and fills in my “how much to tip movers” query before I’ve gotten the third word typed out.

Tumblr never even tried.

They could have. The information is there. The basic infrastructure, presumably, exists. Tumblr can recommend me tags based on tags I follow, blogs based on blogs I follow, even posts that for one reason or another may strike my fancy. Tumblr could be - SHOULD be - funneling this framework into advertising, as the only means that free-to-use social media platforms can turn a profit in our capitalistic hellscape.

They just don’t.

Today I saw an ad for treating Hyperhidrosis - a condition, I think, in which a person sweats too much - and I saw it twice, four posts apart, and it is so incredibly benignly impersonally ineptly untargeted toward me compared to all other pinpoint-aimed advertising that I’m endeared to it. Tumblr knows NOTHING about me. 8 years, 51,000 likes, and tumblr has not learned a THING about me.

Advertisements for a mattress? Shitty mobile game ads that don’t make even the slightest pretense at being anything other than a candy crush rip-off? Choose-your-own adventure games either about Royal Espionage or Choosing The Wrong Dress For Your Date with ZERO in-between.

And then this. This here. The culmination, the crown-jewel of tumblr’s nihilistic non-compliance with the state of social media advertising. Any pretense of capitalistic exchange is abandoned at the gas station by the side of the road. This is not a company. This is not a product. This is not anything that fulfills the contract of consumer and seller. 

THIS. THIS IS WHAT TUMBLR HAS TO OFFER INSTEAD.

“Pour vinegar on your bread, fuck you.”

“Put it in the garbage, fuck you.”

“Your wife says you’re a fucking dumbass, fuck you.”

That’s it. That’s the advertisement. You vinegar-breadless cuck. You virgin extraordinaire bereft of bread and garbage can. I am fucking your wife right now in our vinegar-soaked motel bed. She puffs a cigarette which I pulled from the trashcan and we both laugh heartily at her recounts of your immasculine ineptitude. I don’t want your money. I don’t want anything from you. Fuck you. 

Amazing. Amazing. What a state of things to ring in 2021. What a great platform we all collectively choose to be on.

I started screenshotting my favorite ads

Just fucking take a bite out of your soap you piece of shit. Sleep with it and eat it

I don’t even know what this is trying to sell me. Tumblr doesn’t either. The ad doesn’t know either. Did I click on the link? Fucking absolutely. I think it was broken

Beautiful a+ 10/10

A compilation of my favorites:

Hi listen I know I’m OP but I’m losing my fucking mind over this.

bunnicula is a femme because she is a vampire bunny and that is a femme thing to be, and also “the celery stalks at midnight” is the high camp title i could only associate with a femme. i have no doubt that if bunnicula was a person they would wear tacky vegetable themed clothing such as large celery earrings. my opinion on this is formed but i am open to discussion

for your consideration

The 40th anniversary edition of the book has an amazing velveteen cover, which I think supports your argument.

fruit makes me so happy ... the colors ....... the scents ...... the taste ........................ they grow from the ground .. trees ... bushes ....... shrubs .... Ready To Eat... im so grateful for them

Is this written by a bat? I still support the post, just curious.

Abby