This is the online equivalent of seeing someone speeding past you and then 5 minutes later you pass them as their being pulled over
1. He dismisses the fact that the kid won 900k
2. He suggests child abuse as a means to convert a kid to play “a real sport”
3. He brags about 3.2 stars
4. He responds to “you shouldn’t have kids” by immediately listing the one thing he thinks gives him power over others and is immediately put into his place lol
mister weedman, bring me a joint
make it the fattest that ive ever smoinkt
Wearing men’s deodorant and watching the straight girls I work with faces’ become Confused and Attracted because I smell like a Hot Guy™ (their words) is a bisexual power move and you can’t tell me otherwise.
Plus, for the first couple of days you also feel constantly Confused and Attracted and where is the Hot Guy™? And then you realize that the Hot Guy™ was you all along.
Maybe the real Hot Guy™ was the antiperspirant we found along the way.
where i’m at girls
I just got lightheaded from reading this
Monica Lewinsky is funnier than all of the comedians who made shitty jokes about her.
W h o a
damn CNN tried to get #AskACop trending but it backfired completely and twitter isn’t holding back
facts are jameela jamil and lizzo are doing some of the most important and groundbreaking work in terms of challenging body norms and disordered eating - work that is WELL overdue in that industry - and regardless of ur opinion on them personally, regardless of the fact that yes they r still part of the inherently flawed capitalist institution of celebrity, regardless of missteps they might make along the way (bc they are human and also under way more scrutiny bc they’re both women of colour), what they are doing will, with no exaggeration, save lives
I love and respect both of these women for being who they are and doing the work they do.
I also think it’s important to acknowledge that Jameela Jamil – a thin woman – is using arguments that were created by fat women, femmes, and non-binary folks of color. Let’s give some of these heroes the appreciation they deserve for doing the work, too.
holy shit i just heard my brother’s dnd session where the party was fighting a dragon and
someone cast wall of force around the dragon
and then looked around and said, “hey, where’s ariden?”
to which my brother, playing ariden, his fragile little wizard boy, leaned into his mic and said “STILL NEXT TO THE DRAGON.”
finally checked the tags on this and the only tags more valid than “rip” are “f”
Another proposal: four Peter Parkers living in an apartment New Girl style. Starring Tobey Maguire, Andrew Garfield, Jake Johnson, and Tom Holland.
There's no explanation. No questioning why four guys with the same name live together. They just do.
They all, however, think there is only one Spiderman.
Spiderman: Into the Spider-Flat
they still can't afford rent
They're all consistently confused when the news reports on one of the other spider-men saving people at times and places they KNOW they weren't there for but rationalize it away like "I dunno, I mean... Maybe I just forgot...? It's been busy today I might have like... Hm... I.... "
It's filmed sitcom style and the main focus is all the Peter Parkers hiding that they are Spider-Man from the other tenants
i was crying in art class today and this girl was all “why are you crying?” and i didnt really wanna answer and we sorta know each other so i was all “why arent YOU crying?” and then she looked at me and ACTUALLY sTARTED TO CRY I just?? wAS NOT PREPARED FOR THAT
One year ago today……horse pussy butt 2
Californians: In-N-Out is better
New Yorkers: Shake Shack is better
Some Texan rat next to the deep fryer at Whataburger:
What are you going to do, jump?
haters will see me and be beset by locusts
what about lovers?
still the locusts but in a fun way
here's a transcript:
>walking home from a party late one evening >several guys were following me, as my drunk ass managed to piss them off by existing >try to walk faster, to no avail, as I'm drunk as shit >catch me in some random student neighbourhood >oh shit, my ass is about to be beaten >still in talking phase >lights flick on in a house >three guys in full musketeer garb walk out >leader is some blond guy with a beard, eyepatch, and some weird-ass accent >"What sort of ruffians would be accosting someone outside our residence? Stand and deliver!" >guys start yelling at them to fuck off, that I deserved to get my ass beaten >"Very well, then. Draw steel, you blackguard!" >all three of them draw rapiers on their belts >guys run >"I know not why those foul men sought your harm, but come and tell us the tale, stranger!" >spend remainder of evening drinking mulled wine with lunatics >bunch of Swedish re-enactors live there >blond guy is actually missing an eye; lost it in an machine shop accident >stagger home completely drunk with a hat
I had no idea people like that existed. Or had the money to rent a house.
in addition to two comments reading "FUCKING EPIC" and "THIS A THOUSAND TIMES THIS" op elaborated further in another post:
Holy shit, is this still being posted?
I figure I owe /tg/ a bit of an update on these guys.
Their leader, O he of one eye and little common sense, nearly had his visa revoked for these kinds of shenanigans. One too many arrests meant that his right to stay in the country was contested, and he had to go to court to defend himself and prevent his visa from being revoked.
I was his ride to court, and had to testify to the board that he shouldn't be deported for lack of common sense or social normality.
His defense? A written speech, about three pages long, about the rights of man, the education he has received here, and the opportunities for a one-eyed machinist. The spirit of his crimes were all in defense of people who would otherwise suffer. For other witnesses, he had some of the random people he'd helped out, including one memorable point where a woman, nearly on the verge of tears, pointed out how he'd taken on a guy threatening to rape her and carrying a knife by whipping out a fencing saber, disarming him, and mocking him in his thick Swedish accent so that the girl could call the cops. Something like a dozen people all showed up, explaining how this dude, despite his eccentricities, made the country better.
He was not deported, and lives here to this very day, stalking the streets in musketeer garb, rescuing drunks, and dispensing his own brand of justice.
Scarlet Pimpernel Realness
