who woulda thought i’d be here in 2022

I mean it when I tell you that you have nothing to worry about. ‘Cause no matter how hard I tried with her, it just never felt right. And up until recently, I didn’t understand why.

NSFW = NOT SO FAST WEEB

Cats are programmed to get UP IN YOUR FACE between 4am and 6am. We may never know why

I hate y’all so much

synced solo / ocean loop

I’m terribly sorry, madam. I have absolutely no idea where he learned that word.

Stop letting your heart and your pussy choose your men.

I’m confused, what is left…

Oh nvm lmao my brain. You right sis lol you is right

You really forgot your whole brain.

she read this post with her pussy

FELLINLOVEWITHAGIRLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

The Best ATM Withdrawal Defense

I’m here for women with powerful dogs!

My land lady is a 90lb 88 year old woman with 5 full grown Rottweiler boys. They sit around her when she gardens and watch her like the secret service. If you show up to pay rent they all stand up and stand between you and her.

It’s intimidating to have 5 pony size boys all staring at you until she stands up realizes it’a you and walks to you.

My favorite part is she wades through them like swamp water saying in her cute old voice ‘move’ ‘move please’ and each one she nudges to move wags his whole body at her touch and stumbles out of the way like he’s been knocked over by a truck. It gives me life paying my rent.

You can control white people by giving them cheese

cheese is so good tho

I got one

the other day at work, i asked a woman her name– like i do for everyone, because we have to write it on the cup–and she goes “we come in here all the time. you should really know our names by now” as if i don’t serve hundreds of people a day or as though a nondescript middle aged white woman made such an impact upon me that i’d remember her. i was feeling pretty impatient and irritable though, so i covered my name tag with my hand and asked her my name and she didn’t know it and at least had the decency to change demeanor from haughty and superior to sort of quietly embarrassed and i’m fairly sure that’s the only thing i’ve ever done at work that matters to me. 

The New Trend……..

Couture

TO EVERYONE WHO SAYS DISNEY SEQUELS ARE SHIT, GO WATCH CINDERELLA 2

OKAY LET ME EXPLAIN YA’LL FUCKERS A THING. THIS MOVIE IS GREAT. CINDERELLA HELPS OUT ANASTASIA, WHO WAS A COMPLETE BITCH TO HER FOR MOST OF HER LIFE (AND SHE KNOWS IT), WHEN SHE COULD HAVE EASILY BEEN LIKE AHAHA FUCK YOU N00B AND WALTZED OFF WITH HER BAM SLAMMIN’ BOOTY JAMMIN’ PRINCE.

BUT NO.

SHE HELPS ANASTASIA DEFY HER BITCHY CRABAPPLE OF A MOTHER AND GET TOGETHER WITH THIS UNBEARABLY SWEET BAKER DUDE BECAUSE SHE IS SUPER NICE AND FORGIVING. ANASTASIA SHOWS HUGE CHARACTER GROWTH, WHILE STILL RETAINING HER PERSONALITY. IN THE END CINDERELLA DANCES BY WITH THE PRINCE AND THEY SMILE AT EACH OTHER BECAUSE SHE AIN’T EVEN JELLY BECAUSE SHE GOT THE ADORABLE BREAD GUY AND TRUE FUCKIN’ LOVE WHICH IS REALLY ALL SHE EVER WANTED.

And the music is really cute. The first song is one of my favorites because it opens with, “Whose to say the rules must stay the same forever more? Whoever made them had to change the rules that came before!” And I was just like YES in my little girl voice because I was quite young when this came out. And the end credits song. That was fire.

yall let the yodeling kid prosper but not this LEGEND???

^^↑^^

best thing i learned today: “The Loud American” role in Japanese businesses

nobody asked but imma explain anyway

no idea how it came up, but my programming prof was talking about his friend who works for Nintendo Japan who’s secondary role is The Loud American, and my prof explained what that was and how it came about

see, in Japan you do not talk back to your boss. you just don’t, even if they have stupid ideas and want the company to act on them. Like Nissan did sometime back. But since the other employees couldn’t do anything about this terrible idea that would ruin the company, they called in an American who had no reservations about telling the boss that their stupid idea was a stupid idea

and that’s just become a role in Japanese businesses, where they keep an American on staff who plays up the American stereotype and tells the boss what the Japanese employees can’t or won’t out of societal norms

dream job.

I know what i wanna do now

…. WE ARE THEIR COURT JESTERS OMG.

when I was in high school my AP english teacher told us we weren’t allowed to eat in class so I took that as a personal challenge to see what the most ridiculous thing I could eat in class without getting caught was so I started bringing soup to class and as soon as I’d crack the lid of my thermos the tiniest bit this football player that sat like 3 rows in front of me would going “I SMELL MEAT SOMEONE HAS SOUP” and no one ever believed him

The only valid response