Ladies & Gentalmen ....FUCK....

A DANCE PARTY tag yourself im jotaro and zeppeli

Any living person: “Let’s go to the beach!”

Me:

Art by Flesh.png

dio’s fuckhouswe

How can I reblog this a million times?  The 1% are master manipulators.

The existence of another poor person is not why you’re poor.

So while I was getting my haircut, the lady asked me if I had other plans for the day and I said:

“I’m just going to pick up the boy from daycare and then it’s date night.”

And the lady says “Oh! How old is he?”

“He’s three.”

“Mine too! Where are you registering him for kindergarten it’s such a hassle-”

And that’s when I realized I said “boy” and not “dog” because I always think of Charlie as “good boy” but this slip up has lead to a miscommunication.

The lady is now 6 minutes into a clearly needed rant about how unnecessarily complex shopping for schools is, esp when you have a neurodivergent child, so I can’t just tell her that Charlie is a dog because then she’ll feel awkward for unloading on me and she clearly has enough going on.

So the rest of the haircut became a game of “how much can I say about Charlie without revealing that he is not a human child?” And the answer is “enough to cover a half hour hair appointment, quite possibly several hours worth if I’m specific enough”

“is he very verbal?”

“It really depends on who he’s with. He’s very quiet at he but won’t shut up if he’s at the park or has a friend over.”

“was it hard to potty-train him?”

“he’s adopted, but I was genuinely amazed at how good he already was with hygene and potty stuff.”

“mine’s just obsessed with paw patrol and Frozen, drives me crazy!”

“I imagine. Charlie is colorblind so he’s not as into tv, but he always wants a toy if I take him anywhere with them.”

“oh gosh the toys! And the kids are so rough on them!”

“yeah Charlie can destroy a stuffed animal in about 2 minutes, so I only buy him the really cheap ones.”

“Does he throw tantrums when they break?”

“Not really. It’s meditative, really, taking them apart. He has hysterics if the cat takes his toys though. Runs downstairs and cries at me until I retrieve it because he’s not tall enough to get it out of the cat tree.”

The Very Good Boy in question, Charleston Chew.

(if you want to read more of my much weirder adventures, I have pre-orders for my book on Patreon right now: https://www.patreon.com/gallusrostromegalus )

i literally know absolutely nothing about good omens but can I just say... Crowley looks like the final pam

I fucking DARE you to tell me they don’t look alike

thank u barbie for showing bi/lesbian solidarity

thank u barbie for paving the way to bi/lesbian/trans solidarity

Don’t forget bi and pan rights !

this reply is so funny to me. sorry straights™, barbie is part of the GCU (gay cinematic universe) now

remember when they made ken gay in toy story? like…. it’s always been a part of the GCU

“My dearest beloved fuckos” is a fun, gender-neutral way to begin a speech.

See also: “Esteemed bastards”

“Gentlefolk, Ferals, and Domesticated Cryptids”

“My fellow yees and haws…”

gumball snaps and kills james charles

god i know this website will call literally anything feral but this man really did embody the spirit of a rabid animal

That Legit sums it up

Mimi! The screamin’ stray we feed. She announces her arrival every night by screaming at the front door

(We’d adopt her but we have to many pets as is and one cat with fiv)

She screm for the cronch

Oh my god when you said scream, I didn’t think you meant

Scream

This how my cats greet me when I’ve been gone for “too long”