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@anelementofsurprise / anelementofsurprise.tumblr.com

Rachel | 20s | UK | She/Her |

2 weeks into a brand new flat with my best friend and basically had someone from the building move in…They invite themselves round every single day for hours at a time, I’ve never felt so drained. Given my mental state at the moment I feel like I could flip at any time. Is it too much to ask to have my own home to relax in.

My friend feels sorry for her as she seems lonely which is fair enough but having someone we’ve just met round every single day is a bit too much lmao She gets that to an extent but just keeps letting this person take and I swear I’m going to have a breakdown and seem like I’m the crazy one

Nothing seems to block out the pain anymore. It just feels like I’m trying to keep my head above water. It’s so fucking pathetic that I’m letting such stupid things get to me but I can’t not. I’m not built for this. The only time I’m happy is when I’m pissed and don’t have to feel the pain

Not to be that person who’s like “this app solved all my problems!” Cus that would be expecting a lot but I’ve been started trying mindfulness a bit and it is amazing how it can change your mood ever so slightly. Recently I’ve been so busy here there and everywhere the business will distract me momentarily but the anxiety is there. I think I need to find a healthy way to recognise it and address it healthily. In other words here I am at work listening to nature sounds cus the negative noise in my head got too loud lol.

dealing with a narcissist be like. this person will never ever understand that they’re wrong, they will never understand that hurting others is wrong, that their actions are cruel or that what they do is unacceptable. it’s like dealing with someone who will no matter what commit atrocities and then play dumb about it and expect to be coddled and praised for it. and if you try to explain they rage or cry or both. it’s like they don’t even understand they’re forcing you to throw your self esteem into the trash while they do it. they punish and guilt you for trying to defend any boundaries like it’s a natural thing to do. you’re left in confusion and self doubt, all while suppressing mountains and mountains of trauma, injustices, neglect, violations, humiliation and crimes against your person, and it never stops. 

instead of killing characters off at random for shock value, may i propose a hip new trend: keeping characters alive at random for shock value. by all logic, this character should be dead. there’s no possible explanation for how they continue to shuffle ‘round this mortal coil. maybe we literally saw them die onscreen back in the passe era of shock value deaths. and yet, there they are. alive before our eyeballs.