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Since Fried Green Tomatoes was recently added to Netflix, there’s been a surge of posting about it, and a lot of it is so flabbergasting to me as a woman who is so thoroughly Fannie Flagg-pilled.

A public service announcement to all and sundry complaining about it not being more explicitly gay:

vlad_shevchenko

HEy! you know that tumblr post of "Brutus! Put the dress on! You're going undercover!" That's Brutus. And That is the dress.

Oh…. Well, it’s over for Crunchyroll I guess

it gets worse: funi had an option to buy anime outright. but, it was bought digitally, and now CR has said that they're not going to honor that, so if you bought anything from funi digitally, CR are taking that away from you

Happy Easter.

i really really hate liberals who do volunteering for orgs that help the homeless and then write thinkpieces about how a lot of homeless people are very educated and hardworking and its not at all their fault that theyre unhoused like. even if ur hypothetical homeless person is addicted to every drug abused their whoever commited many crimes and their situation is every bit their fault. no one deserves to live on the street.

what walking/cycling around the city every night with a bike basket full of sandwiches accompanied only by another volunteer for almost a yeat has taught ME is that in the winter its really cold and after an hour we both wanted to go in anywhere warm, but every single business requires you to be a paying customer to sit inside, subway stations have staff that chase you away if youre sitting there long enough and even heating vents have spikes on them, and that in the summer its incredibly hot even at night and cops chase you away from fountains and the city is full of tourists and partying people that make it impossible to sleep on benches and that in the spring it rains and in the fall it also rains and that your only source of food is going to be a couple of teenagers and uni students volunteering in their spare time to make you a sandwich. and my conclusion from this, is what everyones conclusion should be. this is inhumane and no one deserves to live this way

you ever have “cry and scream yourself awake” level nightmares that are immediately the stupidest premises imaginable the moment you actually wake up

The last time I wailed “help, please, help me, heeelp” loud enough to have the whole house come running, it was because I was having a nightmare that I was in my laundry room, and out of the corner of my eye I witnessed a Snoopy stuffed animal slowly rise up on two legs, as if being manipulated by a ghost or perhaps made animate by a possessing spirit, and slowly start to dance the Macarena.

I can’t stop thinking about this

Eeeeeey macarena

most notable times of being hit on by customers:

most notable time a customer did not ask me out:

so many people do not understand that 1) animals are not people, and 2) they aren't teaching their animals what they THINK they are teaching them.

dog group on the book of faces, someone is asking for advice on how to get their dog to come to them after the dog is done relieving itself outside. The dog doesn't like coming to them an they spend ten or twenty minutes or more catching the dog each time to bring it in. Which reminded me of one of many attempts to talk a person through trying to fix exactly this same behavior in *many* other dogs over the years...

Me: So, a quick question for you... does the dog not coming to you and you having to chase them down frustrate you?

Them: Of course!

Me: So what do you do when you finally either catch the dog or get them to come to you?

Them: I give the dog a correction!

Me: So. You get hands on your dog and then you immediately punish them for allowing you to get hands on them. And you wonder why your dog has developed the habit of not coming to you?

Them: No, that's not... I'm punishing them for not coming when I call!

Me: Which was.... fifteen minutes ago, or so, you said?

Them: Yes, when I first called them!

Me: Dogs brains literally cannot link an abstract thought like that. A thought and a consequence MUST happen within 2.4 seconds of one another, or the consequence becomes linked to the most recent behavior, thought, or activity. So, tell me... how is your dog supposed to understand that you punishing them is for the event fifteen minutes ago when you have made such a concerted, if unintentional, effort to teach them that them getting close enough for you to lay hands on them in the yard means an immediate punishment?

Them: But that's not what I *meant*!

Me: Doesn't matter what YOU meant... what THEY learned is that they come to you, and they get punished. Stop punishing your dog for the behavior that you want to see more of.

Stop anthropomorphizing your animals, folks. They don't think like us. Stop setting them - and yourself - up for failure.

with humans, thanks to the capacity for abstract thought, punishing them basically always produces undesired results.

At the gate for my flight home from visiting friends and there's a woman here with a service Shiba Inu. No pics because he has a Do Not Disturb vest and taking pics of strangers is illegal but I need to stress how ON DUTY this animal is. Ears up. Eyes doing Lazer scans of everything. Examining everyone who passes within 10ft like a security guard. Ass planted on her feet. I have never seen a dog with such intense chivalric guardian energy before. He has tiny eyebrows and they are FURROWED with concentration.

Man behind me having unhinged phone conversation. There is an internationally famous dairy in the area I was visiting and he was commissioned by the lady on the other end of the phone to collect specific cheeses from there. The lady is very high strung about the type and condition of the cheese.

The man does not know from cheese. The man "ain't never seen no cheese but orange before" and "I showed ya list to the cheese lady so if it's wrong it's her fault ok?"

I am 80% sure she sent him there for a really specific bleu cheese, 40% sure he does not have the very specific bleu cheese, and 100% sure he's done with her shit.

Our flight is delayed.

He does not have the cheeses in a cooler, just a regular backpack.

I need to emphasize that there is no cooler bag in the backpack. He has Jansport backpack that is jam-packed with cheeses. There is apparently $405 dollars worth of cheeses in that backpack, which I know because he has been trying to get the lady to venmo him the expense, which she has failed to do. It is unclear whether his relation to the lady is romantic, familial or what, but I'm leaning towards "what".

Two more people have joined us. One is a very elegant man with a perfect manicure in a tailored business suit, the other is a neon-haired person of indeterminate gender wearing a fox kirigumi. The Shiba Inu has been staring at the latter for three minutes now.

Uh oh.

Cheese man has been demanding payment because apparently he went like six hours out of his way and paid with his own money and between the cheese and price of gas, he is pretty sure he does not have enough money in his account for an Uber home.

The lady is FLABBERGASTED that he is demanding payment at all, as she was under the impression he was doing this for her out of the goodness of his heart.

He's not having it. He's insisting she told him she would pay him back- he would have gotten her maybe one cheese somewhere closer to his business in the area out of love, but he went out of his way because she agreed to pay him costs+ extra to cover it.

HE RECORDED THE CONVERSATION IN WHICH SHE PROMISED TO PAY FOR THE CHEESE, SHE'S THAT MUCH OF A FLAKE.

I am about to offer this man cash for some of these cheeses because our flight is now more delayed.

"YOU ALWAYS DO THIS! YOU ALWAYS DO THIS AND I FALL FOR IT EVERY TIME! NO! NO! FUCK YOU! IF YOU'RE NOT GONNA PAY ME, YOU DON'T GET FANCY CHEESE."

"OR ELSE WHAT?"

"I'm gonna-? THE BABY SHOWER? MONICA CAN'T EVEN HAVE THIS CHEESE SHE'S PREGNANT!"

"The cheese lady asked if it was for someone because the mushrooms or whatever in the cheese are dangerous for the baby or something?? You wanna poison Monica?"

"WHY WOULD I LIE ABOUT THAT?"

"YEAH OF COURSE I GOT THE CHEESE, THATS WHY I DON'T GOT MONEY FOR UBER!"

"YEAH, GO TELL! GO TELL MOMMA I STOPPED YOUR STUPID ASS FROM KILLING MONICA OR THE BABY! FUCK!"

*hangs up phone*

*head in hands, borderline hyperventilating*

The man in the three piece suit is in the chair next to him. He waits a moment, then reaches into his carryon and pulls out an entire bottle of wine with the TSA pre check sticker on it, and taps cheese guy on the shoulder.

"If your friend doesn't want it, would you be amenable to having it right now?"

Naturally, I have volunteered my box of wheat thins and offered to buy one of the harder cheeses which should be fine if it makes it home.

Meanwhile, Kirigumi has noticed that the Shiba Inu is staring at her and is correctly intimidated.

1. This is some fucking great Camembert. I have compensated cheese guy accordingly. So have like six other people. He's recouped like half his losses.

2. Cheese guy is crying a little about the cash and opening up about his problems. The cheese lady is his younger sister. Suit guy is being very generous with his Pinot Blanc. We are having a picnic/improv family therapy session.

3. This is apparently the latest in a long string of his sister asking for something and then flaking when he asks to be paid back. Started with paying him back only some of what he was owed, then claiming something she paid for him was of equal value when it was not, then recently telling him his memory is wrong and he said it was a gift or that he'd do it for free.

"Yeah, the specific thing of trying to convince you your memory is unreliable is called gaslighting and it's really fucked up." I say

"yeeeeah. The other stuff I forgave because she's never really had a good job so she can't pay me back all the time but at least she was making an effort y'know? But that was. That was over the line."

"If you haven't already, check on the rest of your family's finances. My brother started trying to gaslight everyone when he started stealing from our parents." Says Pinot Blanc.

4. Shiba Inu Lady has purchased a cheddar. Apparently, the dog's name is Donut, and he's her service dog because she's severely visually impaired.

"Oh, he's a guide dog?" Asks cheese guy.

"oh, no." She laughs. "He's too short, and the way my eyes are, it's easier for me to navigate with a cane. No, the problem I have is that some morally impaired people see the cane and think they can get away with stealing my bag or assaulting me because I wouldn't be able to give a description- which is wrong, but rather than deal with that I got Donut, and he helps me by howling at anyone who gets in my personal space and biting anyone who grabs me!"

"Uh." Says Kirigumi. "He's been staring at me do I need to back up or..?"

"Ohdear! No, no- He wasn't looking at you! He loves cheese but he knows he's not supposed to beg so he decided the way to deal with something he wants but can't have is to stare in the other direction."

"OKAY!" Says Kirigumi. "I'm wearing fox pajamas and thought like. He thought I was another dog or something."

"No, no- he doesn't care about dogs, and you get a warning before he goes for the calves. Very helpful, when I was living in Italy!"

"Oh what part? I have family in Tuscany." Says Pinot.

"Does he want a cheese? There is still so much cheese." Says cheese guy.

Plane may be arriving. I am paying for in flight WiFi to keep y'all updated.

1. Cheese guy has sold all but two or three cheeses that he an Pinot are going to eat on the flight.

2. I know they're planning to continue because Pinot talked to the gate agent so he and cheese guy can sit together and talk about family drama and cheese.

3. Pinot has been teaching him about different types of cheese and how to enjoy them.

4. Cheese guy apparently repairs computers and other technology devices for a living and is currently doing the software version of scraping barnacles and other crap off Pinot'macbook.

5. Pinot is now convinced that cheese guy is the smartest and most interesting man in the world.

Ok so the Wifi wasn't working on the plane (also like, nonstop turbulence) and also they got seated in a different row from me, but:

:)

Anyway, it's 2AM, I need to sleep, if you feel like supporting this kind of hard-hitting reporting, I have a Tip Jar!

we do not need midnight sun. we need a twilight book from robert pattinson's pov

girls want this

Rob’s biography

Vultures are holy creatures.

Tending the dead.

Bowing low.

Bared head.

Whispers to cold flesh,

“Your old name is not your king.

I rename you ‘Everything.’”

fun fact!

Vultures are also responsible for keeping diseases at bay.

Vulture stomach acid is so powerful that it can kill anthrax and many other deadly diseases.

So when they consume the carcass of a creature that has died of disease, they actually destroy the disease within it too!

So yes vultures are 100% holy creatures because they not only eat the dead, but protect the living from death.

A combination of barrier mesh animation and anamorphic projection on elegant porcelain.

I don't care what it's called, Trebek, that's the tightest shit I ever did seen!

no caption needed

My niece loves my office. The arsenic green mint walls and the pastel pink ceiling always get a squeal reaction, but not as much as the Halloween decor I keep “forgetting” to put away. It’s like Barbie’s Haunted Dreamhouse in there, which was the exact aesthetic I was going for. It’s for my inner child who never got to put color on her walls and who loved Halloween more than Christmas and ended up being sent to see the church counselor about it before being firmly asked not to return to Sunday school.

Anyway.

You can tell my MIL hates it, or at least strongly disapproves by the way she says things like, “looks like we forgot to put Halloween away again” or tries to redirect my niece away from the “scary” things.

My niece on the other hand will have none of it. She wants to touch the silver bat shaped bells hanging from the ceiling. She wants to inspect the two skeletons holding hands. The crystals and skulls and Halloween count down clock are all cause for great delight as she points excitedly and yells “spooky!” with shrieking glee.

Today when I walked in to see if my SIL needed anything to change the baby, my niece looked up from cataloging all the “scary” things in the office, pointed directly at me and with the most heartfelt joy you’ve ever heard yelled “Spooky!” And I’ve never felt happier.

I am Auntie Spooky.

I’m surprised an icon didn’t pop up over my head: Weird Witch Aunt Aesthetic Achieved.

Sharing this for everyone who stumbles on this post!! Please be safe y'all, def use gloves, mask, and make sure to have good ventilation! Always check the ingredients of your cleaning products before using them together! Please share this so more folks are aware, they literally don't be teaching us important stuff like this to prepare for the Adult World™

pangur causes so many issues. she expects me to gently scoop her up and carry her to bed at night, where she'll sleep tucked into my arms like a teddybear, but last night I was dying of flu and crawled into bed early, alone. AND SO she spent 2.5 hours roaming my parents house screaming at the top of her lungs. she knew exactly where I was the entire time. she kept popping her tiny head through the doorway to peer at me with her huge black eyes & see if I'd heard her & was paying attention. and when I continued to die from the flu and not do anything, she'd leave and resume screaming like a banshee. what I was supposed to do was get out of bed, find her, pick her up, kiss her on her tiny inbred forehead, and say "ohhhhh poor sweetheart, ohhhhhh," and because I failed in this duty, everybody in the house had to listen the loudest, highest pitched screams a cat can produce for multiple hours into the early morning.

imagine. finally, the screaming stops. you feel blessed relief. then you look up and see this in the doorway

she looks at you. you look at her. then she turns, and walks away.

the screaming resumes.

it's how she looks!!

could it be...? a good political cartoon?

The artist is Clay Bennett, a Pulitzer Prize winner and a veteran of his craft. Here’s some more of his work: 

The wire hanger one hit me like a ton of bricks.

Can someone explain the last one to me

@t3sticles it's a reference to coat hanger abortions, because defunding Planned Parenthood doesn't stop abortions, it just means that people are forced to seek dangerous back-alley solutions

Ohhhh that makes sense, thank you