the foxes: hey neil maybe you shouldn’t fulfill your death wish and actively piss off someone with ties to the mob
neil, whose birth pissed off someone with ties to the mob:
Dan: hey Neil how old are you again?
Neil, trying to remember what age he’s supposed to be out of all the fake identities he’s taken and resorting to counting on his finger thoughtfully:
Dan: I just asked to old you are..?
Neil: yeah gimme a sec
andrew: that doesn’t mean i wouldn’t blow you
kevin, also at the table:
aaron, knows nothing about cars, trying to bond with andrew: so… your car! what….. um… what flavor… type… brand… is it?
andrew: it’s a maserati powered by a ferrari-designed 4.7-liter V-8 that’s 454 horsepower and 384 pound-feet of torque—
aaron, genuinely about to cry: what color is it.
Hi friends!
I’m so sorry that it’s been so long since my last update, but I promise that I will finish Til the End Do Us Part. Now that I’m being required to work and do classes from home, I anticipate having far more writing time. Thank you all for being so patient and invested!
In the meantime, if any of you have seen The Witcher on Netflix, I accidentally wrote a thing? Feel free to check it out if you want, but again I hope to have another update of the Til the End soon! Things are stressful right now, so if anyone needs someone to talk to, my asks are always open ❤️
~
When Jaskier was four, he slipped his mother’s watch and went to the field to gather a bouquet of dandelions. He climbed back into the yard, as stealthy as a child really cared to be, and crept over to the barn. In the barn, lived a secret. (The man he thought his father said the secret was a monster, a plague. His mother said the secret was his sister.)
OR
Jaskier comes from a far humbler background, and would really like to know why Yennefer never came back for her youngest brother.
Honestly when will anything be funnier than Neil Josten walking up to a random dude at the club, giving him $100 and just begging him to knock him the fuck out
Anonymous asked:
hey badacts! u ever considered pro andrew's first game: as the team walks out the camera has to pan down so you can actually see his goddamn head (somewhere in germany nicky is laughing so hard he cries)! that's all have a nice day!
have YOU considered: the camera does not pan down so you only see the very top of his hair on tv skjndkjadk
ok because neil kept a whole stalker binder on kevin I’m living for the idea of neil knowing kevin trivia that kevin doesn’t know himself
kevin, ordering new Exy shoes online: shit what size am I
neil: men’s 12.5
kevin: what the fuck
So... I know its been almost a year and I am a horrible, horrible person for making you all wait this long but in honor of the Good Omens tv show... The third chapter is up!
A reminder under the cut—since it’s been so long—of the universe we’re playing in:
consider
the foxes playing get down mr. president and the absolute Chaos that follows:
- ok so from exy its like drilled into them how to roll with a tackle so they all just DROP instinctively when they get tackled. like literally fucking ragdoll dynamics and it increases the chaotic factor by x100
- main instigators: nicky, MATT (rowdy boy!) and dan
- andrew is a secret instigator. wont involve himself UNLESS he wants to piss someone (kevin) off. then he’ll silently raise his finger to his ear and catch matt’s eye
- main victims: neil and kevin
- neil: v easy to catch out at practise otherwise has a sixth sense for Tomfoolery
- kevin: oblivious to literally everything and Mad About It. plus tackling kevin day is very euphoric good stress release for everyone involved
- aaron is also easy because hes very clearly not paying attention but alas not a common victim bc once matt mistook andrew for aaron and it was. traumatic.
- see also: nicky goes to tackle renee shouting ‘GET DOWN MR PRESI-’ and just gets fucking DECKED instead. she feels very bad !!!! andrew please stop laughing!!!!
- neil leaps at allison and she just. sidesteps.
- one time theyre all at the postgame brief and theyre all tired and half-listening to wymack whose like blah blah stats blah rankings until matt suddenly grins. and puts his finger to his ear. and one by one they all silently catch on until suddenly dan yells GET DOWN MR PRESIDENT and nine sweaty teenagers JUMP ON HIM and its DISGUSTING get OFF u ANIMALS and abby absolutely doesnt take a photograph that he keeps in his wallet shut the fuck up
Coming out of my cage and I’ve been doing just fine gotta gotta be down because I get it. Being raised as a super star must be really really difficult for you. Always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a da-
Whenever Andrew goes pro during those first two years him and Neil are apart, anytime he performs some kind of great feat of Exy athletisism he will look to the camera and give a wink with his bored expression.
Most of the fans/commentators think he is just being a petty asshole to the other team, but all the Foxes know that out there somewhere Neil is watching the game and literally dying.
can we talk about nicky having friends outside of the foxes in his classes at PSU and just gossiping about his teammates whilst they look on in horror?? like ‘martin you’ll never believe what andrew did yesterday’ and he proceeds to tell his classmates a story about how andrew almost stabbed him for the third time in a day whilst they all wonder if they should be calling 911
Chapter 2 is up!
Thank you all so much. The response to the first chapter was incredible. So many people stuck by this story, and were so excited for a new part, and it means the world to me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you! <3
nothing will ever be as iconic as neil, hungover and panic-ridden, thinking “desperation is a valuable lubricant” as he wiggles out the window of an unfamiliar house
alexa this is so sad play you know, i get it, being raised as a superstar must be really, really diffcult for you. always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you’re worth a damn off the court- yeah, sounds rough. kevin and i talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. i know it’s not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and i know you’re physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like every other normal human being can, but i don’t think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. so please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone.
Andrew isn’t looking at him. Instead, he’s perched on the edge of the building, wings arced behind him as he gazes out at the campus. There’s something free about him that Neil has missed. A pure wildness and an untouchable distance that tells the world that Andrew has witnessed worse than this and that he will not be broken.
At the moment, Neil envies him. While he’s witnessed worse, he still feels perilously close to breaking.
OR
Andrew and Neil are still an angel and demon respectively, and it's about time that meant something (they keep playing Exy, of course).
***
Hello everyone! If you missed it, I’ve now posted the first chapter of the final part of my Good Omens AU on ao3. It’s good to be back and sorry for the wait!
tfw two of the most intimidating people on earth care a lot about your well being for two completely different reasons
Neil [muttering]: i’ve literally been shot