anarkitti

same

me: [lying] honestly

It’s weird to think that nighttime is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, radiating ball of flame.

Don’t fuck me up like this

whoa

someone: hey i genuinely care about u and i like u a lot 

my brain: ?? ? time for Joke?? make Joke??? yes??

how

God, listening to John Mulaney talk about doing hard fucking drugs in his youth is like hearing a nun reminisce on her last orgy before she converted. What do you mean you didn’t come out of the womb with a fatherly demeanor and crippling anxiety?

The hardest drug I can picture John Mulvaney doing is a bottle of tums

boys and men will try to convince you that humans are intrinsically selfish and egotistical because they can’t cope with the fact that women are actually taught from birth to put their community, their friends, their family, everyone on equal (sometimes even higher) footing.

male individualism is completely dependent on the emotional labour of women, and whenever you try to point this out they act like you’re denying basic human facts

There is either a cowboy in your house or there isn’t and you have to deal with that

……..what does this mean

It means you just have to deal with that

Adulthood is literally just a cycle of spending every waking minute wishing you could go to bed until it’s actually time for bed and then it becomes the absolute LAST thing you want to do because going to bed is the thing that makes tomorrow happen and then you have to do it all over again

girl: i feel insecure about my body

some fucking dude: i would fuck you. shouldn’t that be enough? have a great day!

me @ my crush who doesn’t know i exist and there’s no tension whatsoever