I’m like the shitty, subterranean version of a himbo; is that just a mole person?
Anonymous asked:
Man, can't wait for the return of "Flat Asses the Anime"
ONE COULD ALSO BE TALKING ABOUT YUGIOH
The way this is phrased is exquisite. It feels like you’re at one end of an inexplicably long dining table taking a sip of wine and, as they say “Flat Asses the Anime”, you sputter this over your glass and stain the tablecloth.
The Walmart here sells machetes for five dollars. Packaged like goddamn earbuds.
This is the breaking point
Just dreamed about playing a Jackbox game and my name was “I am not a nice person, I am literally a freak. Beware my riddles three. Who am I?”
Apple ‘tween his thighs, call that a gapple
In a wrestling match, with his tiddies I grapple
Working retail during Crimis is just *straight couple has a domestic* *straight couple has a domestic* *child screaming but they Mean It* *straight couple has a d
Feeling any gaiety in a public space is a thought crime, please don’t make me laugh in Taco Bell
If I were the king of Demark, I simply would not die before securing my victory against the Norwegians
RIP to Hamlet the Elder but I’m different
If I were the king of Demark, I simply would not die before securing my victory against the Norwegians
The only things stopping you from pulverizing a skeleton are six feet of dirt and your conscience.
My classmate: *makes a passing comment about Lot’s wife turning to salt during a discussion*
My dumb ass, trying not to burst out laughing: Wow...The first gamer...
You ever have a bad enough dream that you wake up in the middle of the night and, despite your exhaustion, you’re like “WOW, fuck THAT,” and almost swear off sleep?
NotVladDracula: Being impaled can be a fun and freeing experience :)
NotVladDracula: But watch out
Well, ya gonna slap your beefstick on the table like the rest of us? Or you gonna stand there, hands on your ass like some kind of liberal?
Man run into records store, steal millions, but is he ghost? Big think