maybe not.

Ernest Hemingway (via purplebuddhaproject)

if teenagers are ever being mean to you just pull out any miscellaneous item you have on you at the moment and make up some bullshit term to scare them

teenagers: we are going to punch you me *pulling out spoon*: have you lot ever been Uncle Jimmied

teenagers: we are going to kick you me *pulling out an electric toothbrush*: have you all ever experienced a Norwegian Christmas…

teenagers: we are going to unlawfully take your money me *taking car keys out of my pocket*: say, have any of you ever had a Pacific Ocean Garbage Patch…….

teenagers: we are going to call you mean names me *taking Costco brand pair of socks out of my purse*: it’s been a while since i gave someone a Tropic Of Capricorn………….

teenagers: we’re violent just for the fun of it ! me *microwaving a hard-boiled egg*: you’re all about to get a Matthew Broderick Jr.

teenagers: we are going to spread rumors about you me *getting out my tube of rash cream*: don’t force me to give you a Chinese Whistling Garden

teenagers: we are about to physically assault you me *pulling out cantaloupe*: seems like you rapscallions have never heard of the Screaming Astronaut

teenagers: we are going to commit felonies me *pulling out handfuls of spaghetti*: I’m sorry you all have to experience the Kansas Turnpike …

teenagers: i am preparing to steal an automotive vehicle me *taking out a roll of dental floss*: keep this sort of behavior up and you’re going to get the Rick Astley’s Crochet

teenagers: i plan to do acts of physical hooliganism! me *takes a Bop It out of my pocket*: I don’t normally do this but I’ll enjoy giving you a North Carolina Senator G.K. Butterfield

if theres a day i dont reblog this assume i died

HOLY SHIT, IT WAS THE ORIGINAL ONE

MAKE A WISH

the first post ever on tumblr

I WAS EXPECTING IT TO BE A REMAKE OF SOME SORT HOLY FUCK

WHO THE FUCK KEEPS BRINGING THIS BACK

reblog this because it shows up every blue moon

I FOUND IT ✊

I WAS SO SCARED IT WOULDNT BE THE ORIGINAL

Who first posted this?

Hey, what’s Winnie the pooh’s favorite color?

Yellow

No it’s red because of his shirt

No, it’s yellow because he loves honey

You have no idea what you’re talking about

Things heating up at the Winnie the Pooh fandom

That post about Scottish tweets ripping Donald Trump apart is good but here are some more. I think “Trump is a Cunt” held by Janey Godley is my favourite.

I would like to thank the entire population of Scotland.

Fucking Scots. I think I’m in love.

concept: Donald Trump is sacrificed to the gods. in return, they save the bees, the refugees, and trans kids from any and all harm. gun violence no longer exists. Democrats control congress again. all the shelter animals get a permanent home. the minimum wage is a living wage. my girlfriend and i rescue a cat for christmas. Bernie Sanders is president. 

You had me at “Donald Trump is sacrificed to the gods.”

romantic love isn’t everything. love comes in many forms. when he bought you coffee. when she complimented your outfit. platonic love is just as good. friend love is good love too.

One more time for the people in the back

you can fly that shit rag of slavery and treason and not get arrested but protest for black lives & you get brutalized AND arrested.

PREACH

“if feminists want equality does this mean we can punch women now?” go ahead chicken shit punch me in the fucking face. i will shove your entire upper body into your own ass and make you fuck yourself from the inside out

As an introvert, the best thing is finding someone who it isn’t draining to spend time with

It’s interesting trying to explain to people who don’t experience social exhaustion that there are some people who are less draining than others and then their are those who are mind numbingly exhausting. All socializing is not equal

what is my perfect crime? i break into tiffany’s at midnight. do i go for the vault? no, i go for the chandelier. it’s priceless. as i’m taking it down, a woman catches me. she tells me to stop. it’s her father’s business. she’s tiffany. i say no. we make love all night. in the morning, the cops come and i escape in one of their uniforms. i tell her to meet me in mexico, but i go to canada. i don’t trust her. besides, i like the cold. thirty years later, i get a postcard. i have a son and he’s the chief of police. this is where the story gets interesting. i tell tiffany to meet me in paris by the trocadero. she’s been waiting for me all these years. she’s never taken another lover. i don’t care. i don’t show up. i go to berlin. that’s where i stashed the chandelier.

Trigger warning: Breakfast

Holy shit.

reasons why we don’t make fun of seemingly odd triggers

I sat here staring at that last panel for a solid minute, reading then reading again. This is just something else.

*picks stars and puts in ur hair*

Bruce Lee (via purplebuddhaproject)

a concept: we are smoking on our back porch. you’re smiling. a dog sleeps at our feet. the ocean is 2 blocks away. bernie sanders is president. the bees are alright.

My heart swelled and I sighed so loud at this

Deepak Chopra (via purplebuddhaproject)