Hep Hep

Waiting for prince charming

You have been visited by the Chan of wealth, reblog this and you will have money come to you!

I REBLOGGED THIS YESTERDAY AND LIKE 2 HOURS LATER THE WALLET I HAD LOST 6 HOURS AWAY FROM HOME THAT HAD MY DEBIT CARD AND LIKE 80 DOLLARS IN CASH WAS DELIVERED TO MY HOUSE WITH NO RETURN ADDRESS I CANT HELP BUT THINK IT WAS JACKIE CHAN WHO SENT IT GOD BLESS YOU JACKIE CHAN

Last time I did this it was payday so duh. Let’s see what you’ve got this time, Chan.

Er, actually, about a minute after I hit reblog I got some very important (and positive) money-related news out of the blue. The system works, guys.

THIS WORKS!!

Money Chan come thru

IM PRAYING

How do you explain to someone that this is your sense of humor

I was wondering where this was going and lemme tell you I fell out of my chair

me at the gynecologist: is it poppin???? is it severe????

“Having balls” is seen as brave and strong and “being a pussy” is seen as weak and fragile, even though vaginas can take a lot and still endure while balls will shrivel with pain with the smallest inconvenience.

adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

frog and toad are my two remaining brain cells struggling to keep my horrible body alive

I don’t care why, this is hysterical.

This is the best kind of prank.

No scares, no injury, no property damage, just confuse the hell out of someone.

whenever a young kid joins our staff at work im just like huh. guess im a father now.

these kids will be like “can you drive me home? i don’t have gas money but-” and im already pullin out my keys and am like. sweetheart, you are a child. i am not charging a child gas money.

i literally almost lunged across the counter to throw hands with some old hag who yelled at and insulted one of our 16 y/o girls but instead i threw her sandwich at her and told her to never fucking come back

old dudes will flirt with our young girls too and i’ll be like ay man this is a truck stop, normal customer service rules dont apply here. i can and will call the cops on you.

im the only manager that actively tells them to steal food because these are teenagers and they are HUNGRY

You are the only valid manager

I think next thursday is gonna be the best day of my entire life tbh

reblog for next thursday to be the best day of your life

what is it about capybaras that attracts groups of small animals to them? Its not just mammals either its like birds and turtles and frogs too

look at this shit

They radiate peace

capybaras are friend shaped

I love this post

This is actually a cool thing I know about!

In the wild capybaras live in large groups so naturally a female capybara will take care of not only her own offspring, but all of the other offspring in the group. So capybaras are super great mothers who will adopt pretty much anything and take care of it.

Lots of places that rescue different animals will give a group of baby animals to a capybara to raise if they have one.

Like puppies

Ducks

Deer

Emus

They are just super calm animals so they’re naturally great at mothering or just existing in a group!

mom shaped

i found out that Great White Sharks are rarely seen in captivity because they will usually stop eating and exhibit depressive behavior upon capture

Just so you know there was a scene during my test screening of into the spiderverse where Peter Porker says fuck and I just went and watched the final film tonight and they cut it out. It appeared in a speech bubble with a bunch of symbols like “f$&@!”. He also had a horrifying line about one of his family members dying and it smelling like singed bacon that legit got gasps during the test screening but they cut that as well. I just want you to know they made John Mulaney say so much weird shit that did not make it into the final cut of the film and y’all better pray they put it in the extended features because I was DEVASTATED at some of the jokes they removed.

Fun fact, they didnt make John say any of that stuff. in an interview he said that, since he was a comedian he was told to “have fun with it” during his recording sessions; which apparently lead to a lot of swearing and morbid jokes for at least 2 hours before he stopped and asked what the movie was rated. “PG.”

“Oh, so you can’t use anything that I’ve said at all”

“No, no we cant.”

“Well why didnt you guys stop me sooner??”

“You were having fun with it.”

who just sent me money “for being perfect”

turns out boys r useful 4 sumthin

^ yup.

Reblog to let your followers know it’s okay to send you $40 for “being perfect”

I’ll also accept $20 for “being pretty okay”

I’d take $10 for “She’s alright most of the time, I guess”

I’ll take $5 for “she’s okay when she’s not posting stuff”

$2.50 for “Completes autonomic biological functions adequately”

someone just sent me 69¢ and you know what that means:

I will accept 10 cents for being a bitch

me @ any and every cat in existence:

he should get an oscar for this interview