me as a therapist

patient: i dont feel well

me: okay well i have it worse also didnt ask

rip to the songs we love but dont listen to anymore bc they are associated with bad memories

This is how I close my store

vondell-swain:

I can’t stop laughing at this fireman

he’s just standing there going

“well darn, look at that.

fire tornado.

huh.”

My girlfriend sneezed and I accidentally said shut the fuck up instead of saying bless you

god DAMMIT

My life as a college student, smh

that was only 6 seconds

A stay-at-home mother has posted a picture of the ‘impossible to open’ cupboard and she needs your tips to open it without destroying these precious porcelain plates. 

How would you help her with this situation?

(Source)

@sixpenceee​ | @sixpenceeeblog​

Break the glass in the upper left hand portion of the cabinet. Reach in and save the more expensive irreplaceable dishes. The glass window can be replaced.

get like 500 pillows, put some of them on the floor around the cabinet, and some on the edge of the cabinet, then open that door and pray to jesus

Take everything out and gently flip the cupboard on its back

pull the trigger melania

Have fun with your visit with the secret service explaining you post

The trigger that releases all the confetti to celebrate the miraculous win

them: u can’t just cut away ppl like that

me: snip snip

Do you think regular dogs see police dogs and think “oh shit, it’s a cop”