pizza rolls

People who aren’t afraid of heights. 

I’M NOT AFRAID OF HEIGHTS EITHER BUT THAT DOESN’T MEAN I WOULD WANT TO HANG PRECARIOUSLY FROM A BUILDING

okay someone take one for the team and travel the world with me

you had me at “hello” and you lost me at “i think your friend is cute”

Cosmo Sex Tip #4565345

If your partner asks you to be louder during sex, seductively say, “GUH-HYUK” in the voice of Goofy, as loud as you can.

all i want in life is to lose weight and gain money

yet instead, here i am, gaining weight and losing money

This is the fucking funniest thing I have ever seen omfg.

how dick pics make me feel:

turn on: when all my coloring pencils are sharpened and pointy

I want to do adult things with you

*whispers* taxes

i find bad jokes funnier than funny jokes

if my life was a movie, obviously it would be a porn movie, because i just get fucked up

when you try to flick away a bug but it comes towards you instead

(via kokeshi—doll)

Do you ever want to talk to someone but

1) You feel like you’re bothering them or coming off clingy 2) You don’t have anything to say, you just want to talk to them 3) You don’t know how to hold a conversation to save your life 

[writes paper] this doesnt make any sense [prints it] [doesn’t proofread] [hands it in for a grade]

Unknown (via doansie)

one time i forced my mom to play pokemon for at least half an hour and all she did was catch a butterfree and name it lowfat