watching the 2018 milwaukee ballet production of dracula and y'all the dracula/jonathan pas de deux is amazing

it's beautiful and creepy and sensual and horrifying all at the same time

crap, i don't know enough dance terminology to make this coherent, but the way they've been utilizing going en pointe in act 2 is fascinating. like, aside from when they're doing turns and stuff like that, all the women are walking around on the flat part like regular people. but then dracula bursts in and everyone is down in the dark except lucy, who is now on her tippy toes and basically floating across the floor to him in a trance and the contrast is so eerie

also i just realized it was mean of me to talk about this without telling anyone where to watch it. here's a link to the official video from the milwaukee ballet account's @ Home series https://vimeo.com/469873929/5ee47dee00

continuing the trend of being both sensual and beautiful and horrifying, the drac+lucy pas de deux is also fantastic.

also, repeated theme the way dracula just kind of flings them around at times, like they're not dance partners but just toys to be played with and literally tossed aside. in the jonathan one he just like yote him 15 feet or something crazy across the stage, and in this one he's just positioning her like a ragdoll, the choreo is so good

agh no no no i hate this! D: lucy! :(((

looking forward to and dreading the drac+mina one if they're all gonna be this good but also upsetting lol

oh good, an ensemble mourning scene, that's cool that's fine i'm handling this gracefully

oh damn, though, she does feral really well too. cool thanks this is a great place for an intermission because i'm feeling totally emotionally stable (:

WHAT I MUST PUT THIS IN MY EYEBALLS

I want to push back on the narrative that's already going around that the "Reality TV" boom was because of the writer's strike. It's straight-up anti-labor propaganda attempting to claim the strike didn't do anything.

And it's blatantly false.

1) Survivor premiered in 1997, Big Brother in 2000, Amazing Race in 2001, American Idol in 2002, and that's just the big-name network ones I can think of off the top of my head.

The last WGA strike was in 2007.

The reality TV boom was already in full gear long before the strike.

2) The 2007 WGA strike lasted from November 5, 2007, to February 12, 2008 - Three months and one week.

It takes a hell of a lot longer than that to develop, pre-produce, shoot, and edit a television show than that. No studios turned around a reality TV series in those 14 weeks.

This keeps being brought up because they want to dismiss efforts of the workers by claiming the studios can quickly pivot to something that doesn't need writers (bullshit) and blame what's seen by many as a blight on American entertainment, reality TV, on the WGA strike.

...This thing has been making me more annoyed every time I see it go by. and there's been too little time to sit down and deal with it, the past day or two. THANK YOU @theabstruseone!

I’ve read that Agatha said she loved being married to an archaeologist because the older she got, the more interesting he found her. And I think that is one of the best quotes about love that I have ever heard.

Caught in a rather good romance

It sounds like I’m playing a video game and someone is trying to sell me potions. :D

…that is exactly what it sounds like

based on this post

I'll admit that this one has cemented itself in my psyche

Can someone please explain to me what evaporated milk is? Wouldn’t that just be gas by definition? I live in constant fear

no no it’s what left behind after the milk has been evaporated cuz only the water goes, not the other stuff

THERE’S WATER IN MILK?

WHAT DID YOU THINK THE LIQUID WAS?

IDK ISNT MILK ITS OWN LIQUID?

NO

IT’S MILK-STUFF MIXED WITH WATER

MILK STUFF? DOESNT IT JUST COME FROM THE COW’S TIT?

ITS LIKE TIT JUICE, THERE IS WATER IN JUICE AND THERE IS WATER IN MILK

It’s fat droplets suspended in water, with some nutrients and soforth dissolved in it. You know, like ranch dressing.

Evaporated milk is just dehydrated milk.

Obsessed with the user who assumed milk was its own element on the periodic table

As op I felt like I had to make this

Milk, the forbidden 119th element

the only question left is if it’s a metal, non-metal, or metalloid.

OP seems to have classified it as a special case of halfnium, reclassified as a lanthanide. This has fascinating implications for electron orbital geometry.

Anyway it’s a rare earth metal apparently.

Yes I definitely classified it intentionally and knew exactly what I was doing when I put it with the lanthanides because I am never wrong

MILK IS A RARE EARTH METAL

I thought so, I took one look at your classification and immediately thought “this is definitely someone with a deep understanding of how the periodic table works”

I’m glad that we have reached a consensus on the expected elemental properties of milk

I’d really like to know what @derinthescarletpescatarian’s thoughts are on milk’s electron orbital geometry

That would involve writing a crash course in how suborbitals work on a post about whether water (the primary ingredient in milk) is in milk and even for tumblr that’s going a bit far

no, it is absolutely not going too far

You guys always complain that you don’t get to learn stuff in normal ways and then you come asking for this

MILK IS SEVERAL COMPOUNDS PLEASE YALL ARE KILLING ME OVER HERE

We have a container of dry milk because in addition to a little fat and sugars, it contains proteins, which settle into the pores of nitrocellulose membranes, making sure analytical proteins (specific antibodies) don’t get trapped. We could just use casein (one of the proteins in milk), but milk is much cheaper and can also be found at Walmart.

No milk is a lanthanide keep up

lanthanide?

I think you mean lactanide

I will put lego in all of your shoes

A cube of milk with 3 inches of edge length can blow up the galaxy.

Our galaxy is actually the result of such an explosion, that’s why we call it the Milky Way

this is a unique sort of thread in which you’ll find two types of people exclusively: nerds and dumbasses

Enter OCEAN EYES and NOT DEAD YET, two of the king’s most quarrelsome stablehands.

OCEAN May one explain what powdered milk doth be? Is it not gas? I live in constant fear.

NOT DEAD The water flees to air, the rest is left. The dry debris then forms the powdered milk.

OCEAN Thou sayest water doth reside in milk?

NOT DEAD Pray tell what thou believ’st the liquid is?

OCEAN Is milk not one pure substance in itself?

NOT DEAD No; ‘tis only milk-stuff mixed with water.

OCEAN Yet milk appears from living cows’ own tits!

NOT DEAD ‘Tis juice from tits, yet water still it holds. If water be in juice, then ‘tis in milk.

Enter DERIN, the scarlet pescatarian.

DERIN ‘Tis drops of fat afloat in water, As if ‘twas dressing for thy greens. With water gone, the powdered milk remains.

A NOTE attached to an arrow, written by BURNING BRAND, flies through the window.

BURNING BRAND’S NOTE Obsessed with he who foolishly believ’d That milk is element of chemistry.

The NOTE crumbles to ash. BURNING BRAND is not seen again.

OCEAN As he who instigated such a fight, I felt that this creation was my duty.

OCEAN unrolls a scroll of parchment with a flourish.

OCEAN Behold, ‘tis milk, one hundred and nineteen.

Enter JASON FUNDER BERKER, a frog.

JASON FUNDER BERKER And yet the burning question still remains: ‘Tis metal, not, or somewhere in between?

JASON FUNDER BERKER does not wait to hear the answer, and exits.

DERIN A lanthinide! A special case, I see. How fascinating, geometrically.  But let us leave atomic musings be. For milk is a rare metal of our Earth.

OCEAN Of course it is, for I am always right. My choices are, of course, deliberate.

DERIN I do not doubt thou speakest truth, my lord Thy brilliant mind is utterly unmatch’d. It seems that an agreement has been reach’d.

OCEAN Of course; however, in sincerity I wish to know thy scholar-driven thoughts.

DERIN I fear ‘twould be beyond thy comprehension. To teach to thee would take this much too far.

Exit OCEAN, in a huff. Enter JESIN, BOOP BOOP, FLIPOCRITE, VELVET, and LOVELY DREAMS, curious onlookers attracted to the scene.

JESIN Do teach us, it would not take this too far!

DERIN Ye all complain of learning strangely, Then ask me baiting questions such as this!

BOOP BOOP Thy gross ineptitude shall be my death! Milk is formed of small component parts. The fat, the sugars, proteins all combine They seep through pores of membranes in this drink Unpleasant compounds all are filter’d out. All this obtained for small amounts of coin.

DERIN No, milk is lanthanide, pray keep the pace.

FLIPOCRITE The word thou mean’st is lactanide, I think.

DERIN May sharpened pain-shaped stones fill up thy shoes So that thou never know’st a moment’s peace.

VELVET A cube of milk, three inches on each side Could blow up the entire galaxy.

DERIN Our galaxy was formed in such a fashion. ‘Tis why we gave it name of “Milky Way.”

LOVELY DREAMS Thus ends our entertainment for the night Here fools and pompous scholars come to fight.

Exuent, pursued by a cow.

(Shakespearean adaptation format inspired by @mortimermcmirestinks​ in this post)

Youpeople have no right to be this funny on my dash so early in the morning

:) … Science. 

Just change the names and the stories are the same. Narcissists always tell on themselves.

ppl being like “abortion is okay only if you took all the “correct” measures first or if you were impregnated non-consensually” SHUT UP! abortion for “sexually promiscuous” people and sex addicts and ppl you call sluts and whores and people who have one-night stands and every single person who had sex because they felt like it! you do not have to reach a quota of suffering to “deserve” an abortion. abortion is not something you earn. abortion isn’t a moral thing like you protestants like to think it’s a fucking right and everyone deserves access to it and they don’t have to prove that they deserve it. pregnancy is not a punishment for sex and every single person deserves the right to terminate a pregnancy regardless of how they became pregnant. shut up

oh so when the reader knows something i don’t it’s “dramatic irony” but when i know something the reader doesn’t suddenly i’m an “unreliable narrator” 🙄

alex hirsch going rogue… king shit

The notes dealt with above are *exactly* like what I used to gave to deal with on Dinosaucers. 

Some things just never change…

Big day for weird little towns

people

Immortals are getting bolder

THIS!!!

so you know the rule in fairylands where you cant eat or drink anything or you’ll have to stay there forever? does like.. .eating out/sucking dick count

holy f uck jane

its a serious question

well like, the whole thing is that you cannot have consumed anything belonging to the fey realm. so, yes, probably, you would be stuck there. the same would apply if you just straight up ate a fairy.

new question: would deepthroating count in this case even w/o swallowing

no. temporary doesn’t count, otherwise fairies would all be running about sticking their hands in your mouth to get human servants.

you gotta digest it.

so like??? if you puke afterwards?? maybe it doesn’t count?

huh! i wonder how long is enough time for it to be legit. like whatever goes through your stomach immediately condemns you no matter if you throw it up later?

Well Persephone only ate 6 seeds so she only stayed 6 months, so maybe if you spat out most of it you’d just be condemned to the occasional day “BRB got go pay the two day toll for fellating a fairy.”

“you wanna come over for the weekend?”

“oh man im so sorry i sucked some fairy dick once and now i have to keep coming back to do it again– its a long story”

“you what now”

i can hardly believe this isn’t already the plot of an Oglaf comic

now that u said it im really surprised as well

what the fuck did i just read

Why ISN’T this an Oglaf comic yet?

I’m so happy that i’m not the only person who thinks of questions like these. I love you all so much.

I’m not convinced by this, actually!

Like, this analysis treats it as a substance problem, i.e. “edible matter from fairyland has properties that, if ingested, physically prevent you from being able to return to the real world.”

But OTOH, a recurring theme throughout fairy stories is that they’re all about…rules and exchanges and agreements with really steep interest rates:

Not to mention that in Childe Rowland, one of the central “if you eat food from fairyland you’re stuck there” stories, Rowland manages to retrieve his siblings despite them all presumably having chowed down on fairy food – all it took was beating the Fairy King in a swordfight and threatening to chop his head off.

The takeaway, I think, is that the food thing a matter of implicit exchange: if you get your grub on in fairyland, you’re accepting their hospitality and eating food that they own. This means you owe them, which the fairies can magically leverage to prevent you from leaving.

(You can probably get around this by explicitly agreeing to pay for your meal before you sit down to eat. From what I remember, fairies don’t seem capable of pulling a “Haha, we had an agreement but you’re fucked anyways!” maneuver, so if they agree to let you leave they might even be forced to help you leave.)

Which brings us to the matter at hand: if you blow a fairy you’re doing them a favor! They owe you.

And…they’re a fairy, so if you didn’t agree to terms beforehand they might not repay you in a way that’s ultimately helpful or safe, but it certainly doesn’t seem like they’d be able to, like, pat you on the head and be like “Thanks, you’re really good at this buuuuuuut also you’re stuck here forever now.”

Instead, what seems more likely is…I dunno, showing up to your wedding years later and giving you a beautiful white horse that always comes when called, while loudly praising you as truly deserving it for giving them them simply the best oral they’ve had in years.