can everyone be nice to me forever

i watch baseball for the side quests

throwback to 2021 when the exact same player started doing this extended water bottle bincoculars sight gag in the dugout

this is the same guy who also made himself a fruit cocktail midgame. he is The manic pixie dream girl

baseball is actually not a sport it’s just a documentary of human nature and how we battle boredom. the stuff these teams get up to while they’re waiting their turn.

and it’s hilarious when they pull pranks on each other, like attaching things to other people’s caps:

or the beloved hot shoe prank:

or when they decided to put a guy’s pants over his head and make it seem like he was walking on his hands:

or when they opposing pitchers took turns playing tic tac toe every time they got on the mound:

honestly really sexy of tumblr to keep follower numbers private. how many people are following me? you'll never know unless I tell you. maybe it's a million, or a thousand, or five, or maybe it's just you. maybe you're the only one here, all by yourself, unable to see if there's anyone standing next to you.

and you'd never know, because status here is based on opinion and not numbers; how popular you think someone is is a vibes-only calculation, and besides the chronological algorithms-optional feed, it's genuinely the best thing tumblr's ever done.

every other social media site: here's how many followers this person has

tumblr:

Tumblr you have the opportunity to be the funniest bitch on the planet rn and set a reward for looking at more than 600 posts in a day

There is no shame in loving without abandon. ✌️❤️

And the real trick to it is falling madly in love with literally everything. Gomez Addams isn’t just madly in love with Morticia, he’s madly in love with his house, with his train set, with his kids, with his brother, with his weird normie neighbors, with literally everything. Different kinds of love for each, but love all the same. For having such morbid tastes, Gomez is madly in love with life. THAT’S how you land a Morticia, by being unapologetically and madly in love with everything around you.

Bitches love me for my passionate swag and my unrelenting appreciate for the zest of life

I often see people ask how to get started with doing this, because it seems like a daunting task to be in love with everything, when you are starting off in love with nothing, or very few things perhaps. But the answer isn’t grand or elaborate or secret. The answer is to pick something, and choose love.

And then do it again, and again, and again.

The act of being in love is just choosing love over and over.

The act of being

in love is just choosing love

over and over.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

*turns a perfect 180 degrees so that my cutting board-flat ass is facing you* *i walk away with feminine swagger but masculine contempt*

you see. a lot of people on this site have started to use “broke containment” when any post gets popular outside of their circle of friends, but its original use was when it was a vague fandom post (usually supernatural) gets reblogged by people outside the fandom

anway I got whiplash noticing op’s url and realizing this was about gabriel agreste from miraculous ladybug

sorry for being cringe i was trying to have a human experience

Remember calming cat? Remember when tumblr was this color? If you don’t that’s fine. I just feel old and alone.

You’re never alone. There is always calming cat.

enough reclaiming slurs, I think in 2023 we should reclaim nascar. they banned the confederate flag on all properties & their stance on lgbtq+ isn’t just performative bc in 2013 they fined a driver 10k for using a homophobic slur, condemned indiana in a statement for an anti lgbt law, and partnered w carolina’s lgbt+ chamber of conference in 2022. nascar was founded by anti-cop moonshiners/bootleggers who drove suped-up fords to out-run the police. #yaaascar

HELP

To this day, my favorite argument I ever had was with my Nascar-loving family about how a thin blue line flag on a Nascar is antithetical to the core tenets of Nascar. There is no organization more rooted in ACAB than Nascar. Literally, the only reason it exists was that a bunch of moonshining families had to build cars that could outrun the cops while on supply runs during the Prohibition Era. The goal was to make the car look like a regular vehicle so they could pick up supplies or drop off illegal alcohol without arousing suspicion. But if the cops were on you all you had to do was put the pedal to the metal and that little truck could outrun them with no problems. And of course, families would be in competition over who made the best alcohol, and whose car was fastest. So, they would have races on the weekends. When prohibition was lifted, the races continued. And that is why we have Nascar. It really frustrates me how people look at American car culture and scoff at it. Formula One racing is more exciting and more dynamic to watch, but the history of it is not as interesting: a bunch of rich assholes who made specialized cars for racing. And to this day, it is still a rich man's sport. Whereas Nascar was about a bunch of so-called hicks in the backwoods who used some basic hand tools and trial and error to make a junker into a racecar.

As the grandkid of a bootlegger yeah. My grandfather loved nascar and he had absolutely nothing to indicate he loved nascar

He was so impressed by how safe the cars had gotten above all else

Spooky season is closer than you think.

‘Bocca della veritá’, this curious Roman artefact scared liars for centuries, Rome, ca 200 B.C.[630 x 473]

SWITCH TO FIREFOX AND ADD UBLOCK ORIGIN

does anyone remember law4kids

like this kids’ website that had these shitty webcomics and animations telling them all about DA LAW

i mean this shit was hilarious even by itself

BUT THEN PEOPLE STARTED MAKING PARODIES

AND THEY JUST KEPT COMING

This one was always my favorite:

fukkuin yes

cursed tumblr drinks tasting flight

edit: thanks all for your help I have added some of the things I forgot

Did You Know: if you get to the airport early enough in the morning, you can look through the big windows and watch them shovel oats and alfalfa into big troughs for the planes

I know it looks cute, but the airplanes only line up for food when their enclosure isn’t enriching enough.

that might be true of smaller airports where the planes spend more time on the ground, but at large international airports, the planes get tons of enrichment from socializing with one another and lots of exercise flying, so it’s actually fine that their enclosures aren’t much more than a space for them to rest.

Have you ever wondered how someone meets Santa? Well, you need to follow a very specific ritual to summon him.

Do you have any idea how long I’ve had this queued? Any idea? A year. A fucking year. I don’t even use my queue ever. Ever. This is the only thing I’ve EVER queued. I’ve had this queued for a year so I don’t forget it.

everything about this video is perfect. the voice acting, the cookies, the milk, the cave, the chickens singing the imperial march for some reason, the way the sound of the fires starting lines up with the haunting song of the chickens, the way santa teleports right in front of the player at the last second. it’s all so surreal

Concept: a woman is holding hands with a robot, and the woman is wearing a shirt that says "I like my women like I like my keyboards" on the front and "mechanical" on the back, over an exploded view of a cherry mx brown keyswitch.

The robot's shirt says "flesh lover" in the old recaptcha distorted text style. The back has "select all the squares with the cutest girl" and a 3x3 montage of photos of the woman currently holding her right hand.

obligatory Gee, I sure wish robots were shoving their lesbianism down MY throat!

turn that milk man into a milked man

Wives in the 1950s while their husbands are at work