the human experience as returning to nature
roger deakins “wildwood” // richard misrach “untitled” // unknown // ada limón “mowingä” // jean paul sartre “nausea” // kahn & selesnick // “the waves” virginia woolf // “the waves” virginia woolf // mary oliver // @mossy-suggestions // david uzochukwu // catherynne m. valente “deathless”
Oh to run into the forest wearing nothing but a thin cotton dress, the cold wind slicing into face as you and your lover slowly transform into moths, surpassing the need for mortal pleasures and flying into the moonlight never to been seen again
I spent such a long time as a ghost that I forgot how to be human that’s why my brain is wired wrong, it forgot how to be right
people tell me to get off my phone. to tear my eyes away from the screens and stop mindlessly interacting with things i will forget about in three minutes. go outside. breathe the air. think. they are right, i should leave my room and i should lay in the grass and i should watch the stars. but what i am too frail to say is that doing things mindlessly is the only break i get from this world that has me thinking so hard and that leaves me so tired. that i am scared of my thoughts and there are things sitting in my skull, smoking a pipe and reclining in their chair, that i am not ready to visit. that reading the words of others so that i may repeat them and speak confidently is easier than ripping my own body apart to find anything half as intelligent, knowing they will get stuck in my throat despite them being mine. it is cowardly and selfish, im sure. but it is safe. and it is easy. and good god, i have not had safe and easy since i was a child, small enough to be carried in my mother's weak arms. i have spent my years hiding and this is all i know. people tell me it must change and i agree with them but i am not ready. maybe i'll never be ready. maybe i need to jump and hope the sun doesn't damn me. but until i leap and until i fly i will sit here, eyes glazed, fixed on my spinning screens where i can daydream these horrors away and pretend like my chest doesn't ache. where i can watch someone else have the adventures ive been yearning for. where i can stare at the clutter instead of the things smoking a pipe.
How do you save yourself?
You save yourself by cancelling going to a restaurant and eating what your mom made. You save yourself by clearing your dad's spectacles. You save yourself by eating the last slice of pizza even when your sibling is asking. You save yourself by running around the fields with your friends.
You save yourself by giving the homeless guy a dollar, or a bone to the street dog. You save yourself by writing long paragraphs for your best friend and planning for their birthdays months before.
You save yourself by trying to eat without making a noise in the class when the teacher's teaching. You save yourself by withholding your giggles in serious moments.
You save yourself by cancelling plans you do not have the mental energy to go with. You save yourself by holding you tightly when it gets hard. You save yourself by getting sad and depressed at times, by disconnecting with everyone, by keeping yourself and your needs above others. You save yourself by cutting of from toxic relationships. You save yourself by never giving up.
You save yourself by making yourself a warm cup of coffee, grasping a blanket around you and opening your Netflix for yet another binge-watch. You save yourself by laughing on those memes, by carrying earphones and books wherever you go. You save yourself whenever you are afraid but you do not show it. You also save yourself when you clench your friend's hand because you are scared.
You save yourself when you recover from getting bad marks, when you procrastinate and when you study. When you dream about the wildest of the fantasies and when you become your best version with you, you save yourself.
You save yourself by saving others. You save yourself by making others smile, you save yourself by being their guiding light. You save yourself when you become their hope, the reason they believe in the goodness of life.
You save yourself by saving you. By becoming your strength, by making yourself cry and laugh at the same time, by doing the things you love, by enjoying the little moments of life, you save yourself. You save yourself by becoming the darkness and the stars of the night. Whatever good and bad comes your way, you embrace it.
You save yourself.
smoke billows over the mountains
choking out life, bringing famine and death
the glow strangely comforting, beckoning you to come closer
dark clouds gather
bringing the howling wind to those shores once again
the sea writhes and twists, reaching out to pull you under
something is coming
the path calls you back home
follow it
lay down for a while
relax, take a breath
find peace with who you are
you are safe here
I want to fade into the forest, my body turning to mist and my heart inside the trees.
reblog this if you are gay, constantly tired, or a cryptic entity that merely inhabits a human form
they hurt you now, breaking you like glass
shattering you into pieces that may never find their way back to you
and I hear your heartbreaking pleas
but know this, dear one
their actions against you make me seeth with hatred
I will break them like they broke you
they have no right to touch someone as wonderful as you, my love
they will feel three times your pain every day for the rest of time
I feel better when the rain is falling.
The bigger the drops, the harder they fall,
The more I feel at ease.
The prattle and hum envelopes me,
Like a blanket of energy and sound.
Clear days are fine, they are needed.
But the world stretches out forever under the sun.
It is immense, and it is intimidating.
When it rains, the world is veiled,
Shrouded from my eyes and my mind.
I find peace surrounded by the pouring rain.
bold of you to assume im physically here. im ethereal. not of this earth. im the static you see when you close your eyes. im unable to be comprehended
why must i 'exist'? is it not enough to hold sunshine in my hands and swallow ocean waves?
I feel like dying
Everything inside me crying
Screaming it's time to give up
When dreams don’t keep away the mold any longer,
I will walk into the woods
I am a creature of broken things, of rot and decay. Spores lie in my lungs, and gnarled roots in my heart. Even so, being here with you makes it bearable.
Sometimes I feel holy and above it all but more frequently I crawl along the dirt, baring my teeth at the old gods in challenge, until they beat the blood out of me so I'll be holy once more. But until then, I'll bite all that moves and chew my halo until I no longer possess teeth.
I don't want to be silent
I don't want to keep still
I want to scream it
Yell it from city to city
All of me but my mouth is screaming screaming screaming.
