99 boats in the suez canal 99 in the canal turn one around run it aground there’s only one boat in the suez canal :)

Only one boat in the sues canal

Only one in the canal

Get it unstuck after it ran amock

800 boats in the sues canal :)

*at the ADHD wizard meeting* sometimes i just find it difficult to hocus-focus

have you tried abracadadderall?

it’s a material component for spells requiring Concentration

You’re a goddamn genius

Hm. Your interpretation of this character displeases me. Guards! Take them away! Make them read the source material once more, and if that fails, the stocks.

be sure to leave out milk and cookies for brutus tonight

You can leave as many cookies as you want but he’ll only et two

this remains the funniest addition anyone’s made to one of my posts

despite what popular opinion may lead you to believe, some rocks actually do have scientifically-proven auras! Unfortunately, those rocks are uranium and the aura is cancer. 

Tony Hawk is probably the best evidence that people would never recognize Clark Kent as Superman in real life.

“imagine your otp”

i do. always. in literally every scenario.

If someone could tell me how to stop occasionally it would help. A girl has shit to do.

Adult friendships be like “I miss you bro, let's hang out in November"

“They’re not a golden retriever boyfriend! >:( They’re nonbinary.”

“Oh… so… they’re a lab partner?”

This is.... Absurdly cute. What the fuck.

It's worth noting that the reason the beaver wants the water to be deeper in the first place is that the Beaver is using the deep water as a pantry:

All summer and fall, beavers gather up branches with the leaves they actually eat, and store it in the deep end of the Pond, where the cold water and limited oxygen keep the leaves fresh all winter, so when it's negative 20 outside, a beaver can take a dip out of it's lodge, grab some refrigerated leaves in the (relatively) warmer water and go back to it's cozy little nap hole while everything else is out there suffering and eating bark or the like.

So it's less "there's a leak in my house" and more "OH SHIT THE FRIDGE!!"

Wizard: Oh, I like your Goblin detecting sword! That's funny.

Goblin who thought they just had a cool glowing sword: ... My what now?

These comments are breaking me

Every time I think about how public the Waynes are. I get the urge to make a Tabloid front-page.

Today. I gave into those urges. So, here it is!

The person that reblogged asking about Brucie, you are absolutely right. He should have made the cover.

Therefore, I hope you enjoy this!

oh god ! someone spilled vanilla extract all over the children’s hospital!!!

You know, I always heard tumblr users were a bunch of kinky weirdos but I'm not so sure. I checked the polls and everyone here is super into vanilla.

This is the most adorable non-bot blank blog I’ve ever seen. People, this is all you need to do to let us know you’re a human if you’re confused.

sorry, your boyfriend thought he had beef with me. yeah unfortunately i’m a vegetarian. yeah sorry but i’m not fucking scared of him

The bots have apparently realized they were too obvious and now don't add a description or title to their blogs at all so reminder to any new users to have Something there or you'll end up blocked and reported by mistake

legit just had the friend of someone with a real blog message me and ask me to unblock their friend bc said friend was a real person and not a bot.

so like. seriously, y'all. make yourselves look like a human inhabits your blog.