Skookum’s had enough of your bullshit

JUST KIDDING HE LOVES YOU!

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding. Woman: Oh, I see. Officer: Can I see your license please? Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one. Officer: Don’t have one? Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving. Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please. Woman: I can’t do that. Officer: Why not? Woman: I stole this car. Officer: Stole it? Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. Officer: You what? Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle. Woman: Is there a problem sir? Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner. Woman: Murdered the owner? Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please. The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am? Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The first officer is stunned. Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled. Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner. Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.

that was a wild ride

I can’t get over the fact that these things EXIST.

i truly feel for daughters of mothers who are narcissists, emotional abusers, and emotionally vacant or unpredictable. daughters who have inherited their mother’s pain and trauma, daughters who struggle to find and connect with the energy of womanhood because they’ve grown up without nurturing tenderness and safety. i say this to you and to myself: we will heal, and we will break the cycle. we can find strength in ourselves. 

Thank you.

This is oddly satisfying. 

Shower thought

Water……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..

both of my legs are asleep

Draw dicks on them

me

could you please put your crying kid on vibrate

This Cat Has The Most Beautiful Eyes Ever.

Oh my fucking god the beauty

This cat has expressed every single emotion I have ever felt.

Star Trek cast dubsmash masterpost.

(feat. the late, great Anton Yelchin)

This sounds like a rugrats episode

my dad just texted my family a thermal image of our dog

hot dog

glungus awakens

Fear the mighty Glungus.