“He’s talkin’ to raccoons again, isn’t he?” - Crawford (2018) s01e10
It me.

@alice-moran / alice-moran.tumblr.com
“He’s talkin’ to raccoons again, isn’t he?” - Crawford (2018) s01e10
It me.
Everything I write is very, very silly.
I HAD MORE TO SAY ABOUT QUIDDITCH, APPARENTLY.
Look I sat down with the full intent of Moneyballing quidditch, but before I can even get to that, I needed to address that in the entire Harry Potter canon there isn't a single character who is described as being good at quidditch.
José Bautista is my hero.
His entire career people have overlooked him, people have talked shit, people have been straight up dismissive towards him. Early in his career, the MLB was not interested in developing him, bounced him around, and barely gave him any time at the plate. Where other players would have given up, José put the work in. He worked so damn hard that people had to accuse him of being on steroids, because how else could someone get that good? I’ll tell you how: because he’s José goddamn Bautista, and he didn’t come to slouch.
José Bautista is what it looks like when you show up every day to work.
José Bautista is what it looks like when you know what you want and are straight up unwillingly to let anyone else comprise that.
Anytime anybody dares to tell you who I are, what you’re worth, or what you can do - think of José Bautista - and then get back to work
Try to say regular names with a bunch of Oreos in your mouth!
Examples: Jocelyn = Jorslun. Elizabeth = Lisbit. Daniel = Dannel.
You’re welcome.
Following up on this idea. I tried this method with a hamburger in my mouth, in lieu of Oreos. Results:
Alice = Allit. Mark = Marth. Tommy = Domi.
Confirmed: a mouth full of President Choice White Mac and Cheese produces a subset of names with a more badass tilt to them.
Examples: Chris = Rith. Brittany = Brickney. Megan = Mayhem.
Summer is here. If you try this with a full Slurpee, the freezing in your mouth will give you names with a more"Game of Thrones” feel to them.
Examples: Angela = Anella. Lisa = Leeha. Georgia = Horja
Now that Starbucks has brought back those Christmas drinks, take a scalding hot Peppermint Mocha, pound it back and get post-apocalyptic wasteland names.
Examples: Katie = Kayii. Robert = Rother. Peter = Peear.
With an entire bagel in your mouth, you get great Klingon names.
Examples: Lisa = Lursa. Karl = Qor. Worf = Rorg.