𝔞𝔩𝔢𝔵 𝔞𝔫𝔱𝔦

in another universe my friend never left and nothing bad ever happened between us

he said bye to me with his voice and i’m giggling & kicking me feet what the fuck is wrong with me

how many more friends do i have to lose before i realize i’m the problem

all the bots following me im really him

i’m starting to hate the people i’m supposed to love. and i’m starting to enjoy the feeling of being alone. i don’t like anyone and i don’t need anyone. sometimes i force myself to feel something so i know im not going insane but in all honesty i don’t feel anything and i fucking love it

this is my version of journaling and it does help.

fuck you. fuck you and all your expectations. i’m going at my own pace. iam not behind and i will make a beautiful life for myself and i will run far away from you and not look back

i don’t even cry anymore i just feel my chest hurting

throughout high school i only went to one football game, one.

“but you don’t like football”

but you’re supposed to go and you’re supposed to have fun and like all the other events at school… i never went to any of them. i was never allowed to do anything. i never just hung out.

you don’t know what it feels like to be so secluded and protected to the point where i don’t even have a personality or story of my own

it’s not that i hate the idea of getting older it’s the fact that i don’t know where im gonna be in life. i’ve always been taught to expect the worst and nobody ever really taught me how to manage adulthood and responsibilities. i already feel so much pressure to be someone when i haven’t even lived

i see my face change every year i get older. i don’t even remember what i looked like 4 years ago and i don’t recognize that kid anymore

i haven’t known peace since i realized i’m only getting older and time goes on whether i’m ready or not. in another universe i stay a teenager a little bit longer

remembering the past and thinking about the future physically makes me chest hurt and i feel ill. i’m so scared

my friends never really listen or understand me i’m too complex for them. and they quite frankly give shit advice so writing out my feelings on this app is my version of journaling and self care