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Alessariel's Sanctuary

@alessariel / alessariel.tumblr.com

Sometimes NSFW. She/her, aro/ace, Germany, fandom/internet grandma.
Pornblogs and ALL commercial blogs will be blocked! I'm not here to generate revenue for you.
Current motto:"Not even a global pandemic could get me to play Destiny 2 again."
Current longterm obsessions: The Untamed/Chen Qing Ling/Mo dao zushi/Wangxian, Supernatural/Destiel/Sabriel, Merlin/Merthur, Bioware games (Dragon Age, Mass Effect). Regular topics on this blog: fanfiction/slash, fandom stuff and meta, larping, nerd stuff, feminism, equality, nsfw pictures, fanfic recs, mental illness issues, german peculiarities. Original content: posts, headcanons and fanfiction, photo sets and photoshop edits.
No name changes, no queue, no sideblogs. What you see is what you get.
I tag extensively! Common tags: #happy thought, #things that make me laugh, #my stuff, #art, #mental illness.
My askbox is always open, talk to me! My fanfics on AO3: http://archiveofourown.org/users/Alessariel/ My art on deviantart: http://alessariel.deviantart.com

Before I… crack them open?

....before you put them in here:

the water cup even comes with a little needle at the bottom for hole-poking purposes, see:

sorry i meant boil not cook

WHAT IS THAT

It's an egg cooker!

It's like a toaster and an electric kettle had a baby and ...the baby boils eggs.

Even better news about German egg related gadgets… the Eierköpfer (it also has a super long German name), for when you need a guillotine to open your egg neatly

No offence to Germany but why are you guys so fucking insane

nothing to see here. Just normal feelings about egg.

So do we tell them about Tchibo or would that be too overwhelming right now?

I feel like I need to start talking more about how one of the big things that Duck Prints Press does is open the door to people who could never even get a foot in with traditional publishing or even most medium/"small" presses (we're a small press, but we're really more of a micro-press, I see places calling themselves small presses that are fucktons bigger than we are).

I've got some anecdotal evidence that people avoid the publications of Presses like this one because they think our writing and editing standards are lower - that we're the people who failed to make it in bigger presses because we weren't good enough - and that, consciously and unconsciously, gatekeeping biases on who is and isn't qualified to write lead people to support small presses less than they might support a more established organization.

So...y'all realize that there are a lot of reasons people wouldn't pursue working with trad pub, right? and I don't even mean ethical doubts, and I don't even mean "trad pub doesn't want to publish certain kinds of stories," though those are definitely factors - we're able to give more space to play with themes and genres because we don't focus solely on "is this marketable" as a sales rubric.

But that's not what I consider the biggest difference.

Hi, I'm Claire, and I own Duck Prints Press, and I have a massive history of clinical depression, including being suicidal in the past. I'm a great writer, and I'm not just tooting my own horn, I've got almost 150,000 kudos on AO3 that suggest that just maybe, I know wtf I'm doing stringing words into sentences. I don't need a big press to tell me I'm competent, I already know that. What I do need is to not end up suicidal again. If I face the gauntlet of rejections that's supposedly "required" as part of gatekeeping trad pub, it will do severe damage to my mental health, and probably destroy my ability to write as depression-induced self-deception eats through what I know to be true.

THAT'S what's different about a micropress like ours. Yes, our founding vision was to work with fans, but the vast majority of the people who work with us have mental illnesses, physical disabilities, neurodivergence issues, and/or other "meatsuits are terrible actually" issues that strict publishing environments can't or, really, won't accommodate. We say "fuck that noise" and go out of our way to accommodate people, granting extensions and ensuring everyone can work on their own schedule. We're able to be very flexible, which means we bring in a lot of people whose incredible skills are overlooked, ignored, looked down on, kept out of, more mainstream publishing options.

If someone has trouble with deadlines? We still work with them.

If someone has an illness that flares irregularly and unpredictably? We still work with them.

If someone needs frequent reminders? We still work with them.

If someone works slowly because they can only do a little at a time? We still work with them.

If someone needs extra time, additional support, special software...we have thus far been able to accommodate literally everyone who has come to us.

As long as the creators who work with us keep communicating and keep showing at least a little progress, we will find a way to make things work, because we want to be as inclusive as possible, and because we know that most people with these challenges, no matter how good they are at writing or art or whatever it is they do with us, would face many more hardships to have these opportunities with a larger, more strict organization.

Just, every time I see indications that people think we're "less" because we're not HarperCollins or Penguin or Tor or something, I get so angry, because it shows so little understanding of how gatekeepy and especially how ableist trad pub is, and I wish more of the people who are thinking things like that would recognize that their behavior is, essentially, snobbery.

And to be clear I'm not saying "people with these challenges never get trad pubbed," that's clearly ridiculous and untrue, but I am saying, people with these challenges shouldn't have to be The Most Exceptional just to have a chance, and we deserve to have a place that will accommodate us instead of having to perform health, perform neurotypicalness, etc. just to succeed. We deserve to not have one flare-up potentially ruin our careers, and we deserve the same opportunities and respect as people who choose other directions.

Between trad pub, small press, and self-publishing, no one route is inherently "superior." Backing one over another doesn't guarantee you're only going to get good stories, or good editing. Trad pub publishes utter schlock sometimes, and self-publishing is fantastic sometimes, and some small presses do have lax standards, and some small presses are exceptional, and I feel like maybe people just really don't understand why places like Duck Prints Press try to exist - it's because we're trying to create spaces that meet us where we are, instead of focusing on rigid conformity, marketability, hard rules, etc.

The only way we'll get a diversity of voices in publishing is by supporting a diversity of publishers. The only way we'll be able to make space for everyone is by supporting the places that carve out new spaces to fit those who didn't fit elsewhere.

I wish more people would understand what we do and why we're here, and that folks would at least try our publications before assuming that we're "like big press but worse at writing/arting/editing."

Idk. I'm just tired, and sick, and still working even tho I'm sick, and frustrated with how hard it is to get anywhere, so here, have a rant I probably shouldn't post.

(this post brought to you by me seeing Chuck Tingle - entirely reasonably, to be clear, Chuck Tingle is awesome and I support him entirely! - celebrating the Camp Damascus release to thousands of notes, and Tor posting a poll about some Locked Tomb short story and getting 1300+ votes, and how I have to claw our way out of the background tumblr noise to get 100+ notes even on our biggest releases)

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tumblr tuesday: something something something, we win.

Everyone's being entirely normal about one scrunkly meow meow dad and his very gender sidekick 🤘

We've tried to be as spoiler-free as possible here, but if you haven't seen Nimona, go watch it and then come back for the pretty art, we promise you will have no regrets.

~

There is. So. Much. Art. Here's the rest.

Just sos you knows, AO3 is down under a DDOS attack right now. They’ve been coming back in little blips and then disappearing again. It’s been several hours. (For reference, it’s currently 3 p.m. eastern, July 10, 2023.)

The culprit (as with a few other DDOS attacks recently) is Anonymous Sudan, a group that is likely Russian, not Sudanese. The ‘reason’ they gave–that AO3 is “full of disgusting smuts and other LGBTQ+ and NSFW things,” is thin and probably not completely legit, though still legitimately concerning.

Reporting on AS: https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2023-06-28/anonymous-sudan-does-group-behind-microsoft-cyberattack-have-ties-to-russia (you can use archive.ph to get this one, 12ft doesn’t seem to work)

DDOS protection is expensive especially for a high traffic site like ao3. And it’s uniquely vulnerable as an independent site without ads or other corporate support. SPECIFICALLY targeted bc of its queer works and yet ppl will still complain every time they ask for donations lmao 

So, again, when AO3 comes back online, please don’t go hard with refreshing all your tabs. Please do remember to download fics you love early and often as  you continue in your whole ~reading journey~. And please do support AO3 through a dono or becoming a donating member, if it is possible for you to do so.

Update, about 6:50 p.m. eastern, July 10, 2023:

A group presenting themselves as a collective of religiously and politically motivated hackers has claimed responsibility for the attack. Experts do not believe they are honest about their motivation, so we urge caution in believing any reasoning they provide for targeting AO3.
As part of our efforts to help keep the site up, you might find that you get “Retry later” errors more often when searching or filtering works or bookmarks. Don’t worry, just go a little slower, or try again in a few minutes! These are temporary measures.

They have not given the all-clear. Please go easy on the site if you use it right now. It would be preferable to give them some time and come back later. Check the official Twitter (https://twitter.com/AO3_Status) and Tumblr (https://ao3org.tumblr.com/, @ao3org​). The Status Twitter is especially good about putting out consistent updates. They will give us an idea of when everything is getting back to normal.

Also extend props to your fellow fandom community members who volunteer their time to keep the site functional!! Tell ‘em you love ‘em!!

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I just saw someone say AO3 is “gay teens writing gay shit” and I have no idea how to tell you that most of the writers you love so much are adults.

frrrr i look at the notes and the author is always like "sorry for the late upload!!! it's my 10th anniversary and my husband took me skydiving 🥳🥳 plus i've just finished my third phD!! anyways here's 30k"

I was raised agnostic and tend to remain ambiguous on theological matters.

-but my house has a porch on the second story that affords me a terrific view of my neighborhood and the Colorado Front Range and I was partaking of some peace before the 4th Of July Finger-Loss Festivities begin, and I have had a

~*Spiritual Experience*~

I just watched my neighbor try to unload an actual wooden pallet that had to have been forklifted into the back of his insecurity pickup worth of fireworks.

Except that he does not have a forklift in his garage.

He does have so much sports memorabilia and cardboard boxes of unsold MLM Merchandise and patriotically themed camping gear and posters of women in bikinis and flags of suspect political organizations in his garage that there is only BARELY enough space for the fireworks and certainly none for his truck.

So he had to unload the individual boxes of recreational explosives from the back of his truck and stack them in the minimal space he had cleared by hand. This is a tedious and time-consuming process as this neighbor has purchased a wide variety of recreational and locally illegal explosives instead of many of just a few types, so the individual boxes are rather small.

He begins, and this is crucial to what happens next, by cutting apart the industrial-grade saran wrap his explosives dealer had so carefully wrapped his merchandise in, and discarded it unsecured on his lawn.

Where Outdoor Conditions sometimes happen.

"binge-worthy show" man fuck that

i want my shows one episode followed by a whole ass week of going a little insane over it with the people on my phone, writing fics theorizing and going over every single scene through amazing gifs and meta, before the next ep drops and the cicle begins anew

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speak louder

It's also contributing to the overall stagnation of writing. Binging isn't conducive to analysis.

Binging and whole season drops also seem to be a bit hard on fandoms and fan content creation.

Looking at eg. House of the Dragon last year, which spaced out 10 episodes over 10 weeks (that is 2 1/2 months) and the fandom content production and fandom discussions over multiple platforms were so high! It gave fans time to speculate, to produce and to wait for. It held the anticipation high and invigorated the fandom over a long time.

But Netflix (or other streaming services) when they drop a whole season in one go? I feel yes, many fans will watch it. But the vibe is very different. And there will be discussions and fan content, but I feel it is not necessarily good for a fandom in the long run. The built-up does not carry these fandoms as long for "casual" fans and will not bring the same influx of new fans and new content to those fandoms. And that is sad for fan spaces in my opinion.

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It's not just fandom. When I teach popular culture, I also mention how binge culture is destroying the social function of shows.

In the traditional broadcasting structure, you have an episode a week at a set time - you sit down and you watch it, maybe make a family thing out of it. The next day you go to work, and your coworkers have seen the episode too, and you talk about it - because a tv show is a safe topic (not political, not too personal), so you have something to bond over/socialize.

But when a whole season drops at the same time... You either force yourself to binge it, turning your schedule upside down, or you watch it in bits, risking to fall behind. Say a popular show drops a season on a Saturday. On Monday at work, there will be people who haven't started it, people who are half-through, people who have finieshed it... Mix with the fear-of-spoilers culture, suddenly this point of bonding becomes restricted, even eradicated.

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It’s also destroying show production. These days if a season isn’t binged in the first week — fully, completed, watched all the way through in THE FIRST WEEK — it doesn’t get renewed. There’s no opportunity for shows to grow legs and catch on. Netflix would’ve canceled The X-Files. Netflix would’ve canceled so many classic shows that were allowed to find their audience gradually.

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Remember if you’re out at a store and someone says “This is a robbery” you can say “no it’s not” and then the robber will leave because theyre a robber and this is no longer a robbery .

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You can not just say this without dropping the whole story

Ok so,

My dads coworker is at the front and this man comes Up and hands him a document.

The coworker took a Look at the document and while he couldn't read the things written by Hand, because he wasn't wearing his glases, he did notice the Logo of a different Bank so he's like:

"Oh, sorry sir you can't do that here! You have to go to the other Bank for this :)"

The man, visibly confused leaves, but dosen't take the document with him.

The coworker, now just as confused as the Guy actually Takes Out his glases and reads the hand written part:

This is a robbery

Can you imagine trying to rob a god damn bank and the teller just cheerfully tells you to go rob the competition instead

I worked as a bank teller for several years and a few things you should know, bank robberies happen far more frequently than you might think and they come in waves. When a bank gets robbed a notification with photos goes to all banks in the area to be on the lookout. And there are two kinds of robbery, the pass the note and the takeover (what you see in movies).

So our branch had had a big takeover robbery as well as a note one. We also had a teller that had transferred to our branch after having been through a robbery. She was sweet as apple pie, hair up to the ceiling, southern lady who had just been through multiple robberies.

A guy comes in and hands her a folded note. Her immediate thought was “this guy needs to learn you don’t hand bank tellers notes. I am just not going to read that.” So how the conversation goes:

Her: how can I help you today?

Him: I’m here to get money

Her: great *hands him a withdrawal slip*

Him: all the information is on the paper

Her: to process the transaction I need you to put it on my piece of paper

SO HE FILLS OUT A WITHDRAWAL SLIP. Meanwhile another coworker is looking at her latest robbery notification email thinking the guy at the window looks a lot like him but the teller is calm and seems to be following standard transaction.

Back at the window the teller notices his name on the withdrawal slip doesn’t match the name on the account so she asks for his ID. He once again tells her all the relevant info is on the folded note but also gives her his ID and says it is his dad’s account. She tells him he will need a check from his dad to get cash. He grabs the note and leaves.

ONE HOUR LATER

Two new robbery notifications hit our emails, both branches within a mile. It is our guy. Teller goes over to the manager and sheepishly informs them he was here and the time. Security department is notified as are local police and the FBI. The FBI comes over believing that these poor tellers had been robbed for the 3rd time in a month and take her statement. She is completely embarrassed telling them how everything went down and he kept signaling to the note and telling her to read it but she was just done.

To which this FBI agent of 40 years who has been to the scene of many bank robberies (several at this branch in recent weeks) says: Ok. Let me see if I got this right, he came in fully intending to rob you. He gave you the note and you just…refused to read it? So he left and went to the bank literally across the street, handed them the exact same note, and they just handed him five grand? Do I have that correct?”

Her: I am so embarrassed

FBI: this is best thing I have ever heard. He even handed you his ID! Holy-

Her: I feel so dumb!

FBI: don’t! This is the best thing I have ever heard. This is going to be in training courses. (He sat there giddy for at least 5 more minutes)

I have a similar story from my friend Fred, who is a great human and I like him lots.

He was working at a 7-11 that got robbed a lot, working nights. And he was bored and read though his entire contract and learned if you're shot at work you get $200,000. Also, he hated his boss and the job.

So when a guy came in to rob him at gunpoint he got excited and was able to hatch the plan he had been pondering while dealing with a Shitty Boring Job.

"Dude. Shoot me in the leg. Right here- it'll go through and not hit anything vital and I'll be able to quit this fucking job. I'll give you fifty fucking grand to shoot me in the leg then you can take everything in the register."

This ended with him chasing the weeping attempted burglar out of his store screaming "SHOOT ME YOU FUCKING COWARD I WANT THE MONEY".

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One of my uncles was a branch manager at a local bank when I was a kid. His branch had the dubious honor of being one of- if not the- most robbed bank in the area. There was a bullet hole in the wall behind his desk where he'd been shot at once.

One day, this guy came in and announced he was there to rob the place. This man was smoking a cigar with one hand and had a gun in the other.

My uncle pointed at the "No Smoking" sign and told him in no uncertain terms, "Put that cigar out, or finish it outside first."

This guy, bless his heart, went back outside to finish his cigar.

My uncle locked the door behind him and waited for the cops to show up.

Back the “Aim For The Heart” Kickstarter Campaign!

What time is it? IT’S KICKSTARTER TIME!

You’ve heard “All For One!”; now get ready for “One For All!” Duck Prints Press is thrilled to bring a whole new meaning to the Musketeers’ famous slogan in one inclusive book with a little bit of something for everyone: Aim For The Heart: Queer Fanworks Inspired by Alexandre Dumas’s “The Three Musketeers.” For this collection, we recruited 20 authors and 16 artists who love Athos, Porthos, Aramis, d’Artagnan, Milady, Madame Bonacieux, and the whole gang from Dumas’s wonderful historical melodrama. These creators’ mission was simple: take this long-adored story and make it queer! The result is an amazing collection of works exploring the nuances of these characters, delving into issues of identity, gender, and sexuality—telling and retelling a story we all know and love. 

If you’ve ever looked at The Three Musketeers and thought, “huh, idk, that’s kinda gay…I wish it was more gay,” then you are NOT going to want to sleep on this anthology. We’ve been working on this amazing project since last fall, and we are over. the. moon. to finally be bringing it to y’all. Each story is up to 5,000 words, and each artwork is black-and-white/grayscale and full-page. There’s even a 12-page comic!

Follow our page on Kickstarter for teasers, reveals, and more, and make sure you join us on social media so you can learn about our other projects, too!

The Kickstarter to print these gorgeous A4 books and to make our awesome, campaign-exclusive merch (a bookmark, a magnet, an enamel key chain, and a die-cut sticker!) is running now through July 15th, 2023. There’s also a lot of add-ons, featuring once-it’s-sold-it’s-gone-forever books and merch from our past campaigns! Don’t miss out!

Also: did you know that some Patreon backers get exclusive extras? Learn all about this perk, and many others, by checking out our Patreon page!

Who We Are: Duck Prints Press LLC is an independent publisher based in New York State. We help fancreators publish their original (mostly queer) work! Want to always hear the latest? Sign up for our monthly newsletter!

about adhd

it concerns me that people really don’t know that adhd isn’t a personality type or behavioral problem.

adhd isn’t someone who’s personality is driven by fun and disorder.

adhd is someone who’s brain goes all over the place looking for dopamine, because it doesn’t make or register enough of it, and when it finds a source of dopamine, it hyperfixates on it. it’s about deregulation of attention as well as emotions.

it’s not a person who can’t behave. a person with adhd can look like a lot of things. misconceptions about what adhd looks like kept me from even looking for a diagnosis, and it also kept myself and others (professionals, even) from taking my suspicions seriously.

everyone’s encouraged to reblog, but if you don’t have adhd, keep your additions to the tags.

Smart people can have ADHD. And a lot of the time, they compensate for the ADHD with intelligence- until they reach the point where they just can’t overcome it anymore, which is why a lot of gifted + ADHD people have good grades their whole lives and then “suddenly” crash and burn. For some it’s college, for some it’s grad school, for some it’s postgrad or professional exams like the bar. Whenever the things they have to do can no longer be brute-forced at the last minute.

ADHD is often lumped in with learning disabilities but it’s really a DOING disability. We know what we should do. Probably we know six ways to do it. The trouble is actually getting our brains to activate so we CAN do it. Sometimes it’s like you’re being controlled by aliens or something because you say “I need to do X” and you’re going to do it and you just. Don’t.

“Aim For The Heart” Cover Reveal!

We are only SIX DAYS out from our next Kickstarter, launching on June 15th, 2023, so what better time than now for a cover reveal!!

AIM FOR THE HEART: QUEER FANWORKS INSPIRED BY ALEXANDRE DUMAS’S THE THREE MUSKETEERS is an all-new anthology of queer works of fiction and art, including 20 stories, 19 full-page grayscale art works, and a 12 page comic! This gorgeous collection is printed A4 size – 8.25 in. by 11.75 in, or 21 cm x 30 cm. It is absolutely full of all the melodrama, laughs, and feels of the source material – just much, much queerer!

We are SO EXCITED to finally share our spectacular cover with you, featuring the gorgeous work of the incomparable Pallas Perilous (Tumblr | Twitter).

You’ll be able to get this book for as little as $15, and higher-level packages include the book in print, a bookmark, an enamel key chain, a magnet of the cover art, and our newest dux sticker! We’re also offering scads of add-ons, including an exclusive opportunity to get some of the few remaining print copies of our first Queer Fanworks Inspired By… anthology, And Seek (Not) to Alter Me: Queer Fanworks Inspired by Shakespeare’s “Much Ado About Nothing.” You can learn more about the backer levels, merch, pricing, and add-ons by reading our FAQ.

Make sure you don’t miss your chance to back this awesome collaborative project! FOLLOW OUR KICKSTARTER PAGE NOW!

And – people who support us on Patreon and back the crowdfunding campaign will get an EXCLUSIVE EXTRA MAGNET! So if you love what we do, this is a great time to become a monthly backer!

Who We Are: Duck Prints Press LLC is an independent publisher based in New York State. We help fancreators publish their original (mostly queer) work! Want to always hear the latest? Sign up for our monthly newsletter!

MORE HAIKU!

If you didn't get enough haiku yesterday, we've got you covered because we got more! Several people shared their own creations on different platforms and here.

@alessariel wrote this one on our Press Discord:

The dinosaur birds On my roof scream at the dawn Damn jurassic jerks @/brothersinablackcar shared on here, which we also reblogged - it's a fandom haiku!

On our (public) cross-post to Patreon, my mother ( @darwingirl ) wrote one inspired by her day - it's here.

User curiosity on Dreamwidth shared two - one, two - both with a lovely spring vibe.

And, because I feel like it, one more fandomy one by me (@unforth)

AU and canon, Fix-it, coda, and insert, All fic is good fic.

Happy haikuing, everyone!!

This user supports AO3

This user is anti-censorship

This user believes in “don’t like, don’t read”

This user believes in “ship and let ship”

This user believes that fiction tastes and preferences do not dictate moral character