I’m running out of energy. Every now and then I think about how I used to feel here (and later twitter), how much I enjoyed hanging out with complete strangers, who later became so important to me, talking about two fictional guys loving each other, drawing for the simple pleasure of seeing my ideas or those of my friends realized. And now it’s all gone, I haven’t drawn anyhing for myself in years. All I draw is icons, all day long, getting nitpicky feedback on every single pixel. I keep hearing those nitpicky comments every time I try to draw anything other than work stuff. I even hear them when I look at other people’s art and it ruins everything. I was so happy to leave ubi, the toxic environment, the crazy bro culture and even crazier requests. I thought I found the right place...25 people collaborating on a tiny, cute little game and then we went from the frying pan into the fire, back into a mega corporation. Yay me. And I lost all the pleasure of doing everything I used to love. Surely it’s not just work...it’s been a few shitty years for everyone. Tough break up, forced co-living with ex bf due to covid restrictions, my dad getting ill, switching jobs, moving back home and finally losing dad and having to deal with everything alone, not just the emotional stuff but the merely bureaucratic shit...I honestly feel like a broken vase held together with duct tape. And the more I think about it the more I would give a kidney to get back to 2016.
In days like these, when the light starts to fade earlier and earlier, I come back home in the evening and everything is already so dark.
And even if I have my dog to keep me company I just crumble. I kneel down and start crying. I feel the house around me suffocating me with its emptiness. With its memories. With everything horrible that happened here. So horrible that even the good memories are tainted and don't matter anymore.
I feel so fucking alone.
I miss my family and everyone who's gone.
I miss my life, I feel like everything is falling apart and I'm desperately trying to keep things together but it's like trying to repair a glass vase with duct tape or a piece of string. I just end up with a precarious mess in my hands and sometimes all it takes is a tiny stumble to bring me down completely.
I hate every second of every day.
And I'm scared because I think more and more about hurting myself like the kid I was ten years ago. Just to feel myself existing. Just to prove that I'm real because I don't have anyone physically here to tell me that I do exist.
I'm tired.
So I am alive after all, life has been...interesting first drawing I manage to make in 2022 outside of work for a friend’s birthday :)
Yes I’m sure your workers are going to be so productive when you cut their christmas vacation time and force them not to spend time with their families. I bet this crunch is going to bring so much production value. Fuck off.
Kageyama "mob" Shigeo also known as "cinnamon roll too good for this world too pure"
I did a thing as a reward for the new volume campaign that ended a few days ago :3 better res: https://www.artstation.com/artwork/xzx8RO
A wasteland Pritchard and Jensen AU playthrough of New Vegas. I made a custom playable Pritchard race, since making him in chargen was way harder than you’d guess. I made a companion Jensen mod with fitting dialogue (luckily his armor had already been made into a mod, so I only had to fumble at something resembling his face), as well as a player house to serve as their home. Here are some screenshots from the adventures of the Francis of the Wastes~
Mods I used in my mods and in this playthrough in general:
- MadMongo’s Mongo Resources v2: books and bathroom items in the player house mod. - For Francis’ hair styles, Lings Coiffure NV and Lings Playable Races, made by Earache42/Grayewolf, downloaded to Nexus by Volek. - Jensen’s armor and eye shield mod by Tesvixen.
Ahdhgdgajsgshja *_*
Oh brain, thanks for giving me all these sad ideas
I’m still alive? And making sad Francis pics apparently :P
cyberpunk did it again
nsfw warning
shut up about how cyberpunk “isn’t transphobic anymore” for fucks sake its literally got a “haha woman with a dick” joke and i swear to god if one of you says “its satire!” it isn’t its literally just “hahaha woman has penis how shocking” its indistinguishable from a transphobicc joke in any way shape or form
i’m going to request that non-trans women reblog this (and make sure to tag it as transmisogyny ffs)
Do you take commissions 👀
I'm so sorry anon, I'm a bit overwhelmed with work at the moment ;___;
Some Photoshop Tips
I’ve been getting quite a few asks about the process for the patterns in my stylized artworks, so I decided to put together a couple of tips regarding them.
Firstly, what you need are
— CUSTOM BRUSHES —
Most of the patterns I use are custom brushes I made, such as those:
For the longest time I was convinced making brushes must be super extra complicated. I was super extra wrong. All you need to start is a transparent canvas (2500px x 2500px max):
This will be your brush tip. When you’re satisfied how it looks, click Ctrl+A to select the whole canvas and go to ‘define brush preset’ under the edit menu
You will be asked to name your new glorious creation. Choose something that describes it well, so you can easily find it between all the ‘asfsfgdgd’ brushes you’ve created to be only used once
This is it. Look at it, you have just created a photoshop brush. First time i did I felt like I was cheated my whole life. IT’S SO EASY WHY HASN’T ANYONE TOLD ME
Time to edit the Good Boi to be more random, so it can be used as a Cool Fancy Pattern. Go into brush settings and change whatever you’d like. Here’s a list of what I do for patterns:
- under Shape Dynamics, I increase Size Jitter and Angle jitter by 5%-15%
- under Brush Tip Shape, I increase spacing by a shitload. Sometimes it’s like 150%, the point is to get the initial brush tip we painted to be visible.
- If I want it to look random and noisy, I enable the Dual Brush option, which acts like another brush was put on top of the one we’ve created. You can adjust all of the Dual Brush options (Size, Spacing, Scatter, Count) as you wish to get a very nice random brush to smear on your backgrounds
The result is as above. You can follow the same steps to create whatever brush you need: evenly spaced dots that look like you painted them by hand, geometric pattern to fill the background, a line of perfectly drawn XDs and so on.
BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE
— PATHS —
But what if you want to get lots of circles made of tiny dots? Or you need rows of triangles for your cool background? Photoshop can do all of that for you, thanks to the magic of paths.
Typically, paths window can be found right next to Layers:
Draw whatever path you want, the Shape Tool has quite a bit of options. Remember, paths are completely different from brush strokes and they won’t show up in the navigator. To move a path around, click A to enable path selection tool. You can use Ctrl+T to transform it, and if you move a path while pressing Alt it will be duplicated.
Now, pick a brush you wish really was in place of that path you’ve drawn and go to layers, then choose the layer you want it to be drawn on. Then, click this tiny circle under the Paths window:
Then witness the magic of photoshop doing the drawing for you while you wonder how tf have you managed to forget about this option for the past 2 years
You can combine special brushes and paths for all sorts of cool effects. I mostly use them in backgrounds for my cards, but you can do whatever you want with them.
I hope that answers the questions for all of the people who were sending me inquires about the patterns. If you have any questions regarding this or any other Photoshop matter feel free to message me, I’m always up for complaining about how great and terrible Photoshop is C’: