Father’s day is this Sunday, so here’s some King Dad the Dad King and Arfur. :)

i was in the car with my mum today and she stopped reversing and looks at me and was like “is that a hickey ??? On ur neck ?????? did a boy do that to u ????????? i thought u’d be alone forever on ur laptop.” the hickey was a bruise from where i accidentally shot myself in the neck with a nerf dart while trying 2 recreate a scene in star trek. my life is so pathetic even mum wants me 2 get some

stop reblogging this

holy wow. seeing them together is so trippy 

Justin Bieber simply can’t seem to keep himself out of trouble.  Police were dispatched this morning to respond to an altercation at a Starbucks in West Hollywood involving some familiar faces.  A barista at the coffee house was apparently confronted by Bieber  when he refused to serve the pop star because he wasn’t wearing a shirt.  “He came in with no shirt on and his pants hanging down and underwear showing and tried to order a caramel apple machiatto.”, said Joey Goldsmith, the Starbucks barista, “I just told him he would have to put a shirt on if he wanted to order.”  That’s when Bieber snapped.  According to the police report Bieber started cussing at the barista and threatening to have his bodyguard, “kick his ass”.

Fortunately for Goldsmith, LA Clippers star Blake Griffin had been enjoying a drink at a table when he witnessed  the altercation and stepped in.  Witnesses at the scene reported that Griffin tried to calm Bieber but the Biebs wasn’t having any of it. There was more yelling, and some pushing and that’s when Griffin smacked Bieber, knocking him to the floor.  “He smacked the shit out of him” said one witness, “then I saw Justin stumble out of the door looking like he was crying.”  Bieber was gone before police arrived at the scene.

OH MY FUCKING GOD

SOMEONE FINALLY DID IT

GIVE HIM A MEDAL

I really hope it looked like this:

More like when the hulk punched Thor and gave him some real damage

You’re right… I was wrong. well.. you’re half right… I really hope it looked like this:

I just sang this.. why?

I WROTE THIS TO TEASE MY GIRLFRIEND, NOT TO HAVE GIFSETS AND RECORDINGS MA DE

My mom took me I get my nails done and they were massaging my feet I had to stop the writing I was doing on my phone to focus hard on not twitching from being tickled

I look over and my mom’s face is as red as a lobster from trying not to laugh She knows how ticklish I am She knows it’s taking every inch of my willpower not to accidentally kick this poor lass in the face

Evil lady

What did you do? I said distract them, not knock them out! There’s just no pleasing you sometimes.

You’re welcome

This is the most useful thing I’ve ever reblogged.

i used to think when people said my cousin twice removed that their cousin must’ve did some fucked up shit to get kicked out of the family twice

Glad to know I’m not the only one who thought that!

Fun Story: My director kept telling me and my tenor sax buddy to play softer. No matter what we did, it wasn’t soft enough for him. So getting frustrated, I told my buddy “Dont play this time. Just fake it” 

Our Band Director then informed us we sounded perfect. 

To my readers: “p” means quiet, “pp” means really quiet. I’ve never seen “pppp” before haha.

On the contrast, “f” means loud, and “ffff” probably means so loud you go unconscious.

I had ffff in a piece once and my conductor told me to play as loudly as physically possible without falling off my chair…

Me and my trombone buddies had “ffff” and he sat next to me and played so hard that he fell out of his chair.

The lengths we go for music.

Okay yeah so I play the bass clarinet and the amount of air you have to move and the stiffness of the reed means it only has two settings and that is loud and louder, with an optional LOUDEST that includes a 50% probability of HORRIBLE CROAKING NOISE which is the bass equivalent of the ubiquitous clarinet shriek.

One day, when I was in concert band in high school, we got a new piece handed out for the first time, and there was a strange little commotion back in the tuba section — whispering, and pointing at something in the music, and swatting at each other’s hands all shhh don’t call attention to it. And although they did attract the attention of basically everyone else in the band, they managed to avoid being noticed by the band director, who gave us a few minutes to look over our parts and then said, “All right, let’s run through it up to section A.”

And here we are, cheerfully playing along, sounding reasonably competent — but everyone, when they have the attention to spare, is keeping an eye on the tuba players. They don’t come in for the first eight measures or so, and then when they do come in, what we see is:

[stifled giggling]

[reeeeeeally deep breath]

[COLOSSAL FOGHORN NOISE]

The entire band stops dead, in the cacophonous kind of way that a band stops when it hasn’t actually been cued to stop. The band director doesn’t even say anything, just looks straight back at the tubas and makes a helpless sort of why gesture.

In unison, the tuba players defend themselves: “THERE WERE FOUR F’S.”

FFFF is not really a rational dynamic marking for any instrument, but for the love of all that is holy why would you put it in a tuba part.

This is the best band post 

Everyone else go home

Oh man, so I play trombone, and we got this piece called Florentiner Marsch by Julius Fucik, and we saw this

which is 8 fortes. We were shocked until,

that is 24 fortes who the fuck does that

Who does that?

This guy. Take a good look - that is the moustache of a man with nothing to lose.

Julius IdontgivaFucik

More like Julius Fuckit

this post just kept getting better and better

YESSSS IT’S ON MY DASHBOARD AGAIN

the post that doesn’t age

To think that some people don’t see a problem with society is disturbing

This is beyond disturbing.

facebook in a nutshell

this is fucking disgusting and mad me sick to my stomach i dont understand how people can be so fucking?? awful????

feminism is needed more than ever

Excuse me while i go punch a wall.

chocolate cake is better than sex pass it on

this is the only photo set that matters

why do people have like 74973 different names for these

looking through the notes for this post is hilarious bc everyone has a different name they insist is the only one

you have your contenders:

you have your hispanohablantes:

you have your homestucks:

and you have this guy:

[AGGRESSIVELY MISSES MERLIN] 

In honor of hitting 69 followers I will be giving away this small shopping cart I found in the trash at work (I’m a janitor so this isn’t as strange as it sounds, I find all sorts of crap). You do not have to be following me, and I will ship anywhere in the world on my own money. If you would like to win said small shopping cart reblog this post by June 30th! Winner will be chosen at random.

This has eleven thousand notes in under twelve hours.  My followers have multiplied twentyfold.  A fic has been written about me and my goddamn shopping cart.  Why.  Why does a tiny shopping cart instill such passion in the hearts of bloggers

MY FRIEND GAVE THE IDEA OF METATRON IN A BALLET OUTFIT I NEED 4 GALLONS OF BRAINBLEACH ASAP