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Mind Dump

@adhd-lesbian

I’ve always struggled to explain what ADHD is like to neurotypical people, especially my family, and I think I’ve found a decent way. I thought I’d share it in case it can help others, but keep in mind it’s slightly different for everyone.

For context, I’m 18 and in my senior year of high school.

It feels like everyone is on a road. There’s a lot of roads depending on where you’re going, but everyone knows where they’re headed and how to get there. They also are usually walking with someone on the same path. However, it’s like I’m on a road, and I know where it goes, but I’m surrounded by this really dense fog, so I have no idea how to get to where I want to go. I could be going in the wrong direction, or in circles; I have no idea. Sometimes I run into someone else, and they try to give me directions, but they have no idea how to help someone that can’t see, so it’s useless. But everyone else can see, and they see me going in the wrong direction, or standing still trying so hard to remind myself to keep moving. And they don’t know I can’t see, so they assume I’m stupid and lazy. And some days it takes every ounce of energy to remind myself I have to keep moving, even in the wrong direction, because I didn’t come this far to only come this far.

If you give this woman money, it will go to transphobic causes. If you give this woman a platform, she will use it to boost transphobic causes. This isn't a "well nobody's perfect" or "well x other creator also did something bad once" situation, this is an inordinate amount of influence for a creator to have, and supporting her by word or wallet actively hurts trans people.

EXACTLY it's fucking disgusting

As someone recently diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, one thing that’s been helping me grapple with the intense shame I have over all my “wasted potential” is accepting that potential doesn’t exist and never did.

This sounds so harsh, but please bare with me.

I procrastinated a lot growing up. I still procrastinate today, but less so. And yet, I got good grades. I could write an A+ paper that “knocked [my professor]’s socks off” in the hour before class and print it with sweat running down my face.

I was so used to hearing from teachers and family that if I just didn’t procrastinate and worked all the time, I could do anything! I had all this potential I wasn’t living up to!

And that’s true, as far as it goes, but that’s like saying if Usain Bolt just kept going he could be the fastest marathon runner in the world. Why does he stop at the end of the race??

If ANYONE could make their top speed/most productive setting the one they used all the time, anyone could do anything. But you can’t. Your top speed is not a speed you’re able to sustain.

Now, I’ve found that I do need to work on not procrastinating. Not because the product is better, even, but because it’s better for my mental health and physical health to not have a full, sweating, panicked breakdown over every task even if the task itself turns out excellently. It’s a shitty way to live! You feel bad ALL the time! And I don’t deserve to live like that anymore.

So all of this to say, I’m not wasting a ton of potential. I don’t have an ocean of productivity and accomplishments inside of me that I could easily, effortlessly access if I just sat down 8 hours a day and worked. There’s no fucking way. That’s not real. It’s an illusion. It’s fine not to live up to an illusion.

And if you have ADHD, I mean this from the bottom of my heart: you do not have limitless potential confounded by your laziness. You have the good potential of a good person, and you can access it with practice and work, but do not accept the story that you are choosing not to be all that you are or can be. You are just a human person.

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I hate that no one talks about just how distressing memory loss from adhd actually is. I always see memes that are like “haha I forgot my phone, I don’t remember where my laptop is, etc”, but no one seems to talk about how it can really fuck you up long term to just, not remember things that are completely mundane to non-adhd’ers. The memory loss is, however, so frustrating to us. I cannot physically count how many meltdowns I have had over the sheer mental frustration and torture of not being able to remember seemingly simple things

A few days ago, I posted this. I am here to provide an update.

⚠️Finished season 2. GO WATCH THIS SHOW IMMEDIATELY!!!!!⚠️

AVATRICE IS CANON AND THE SHOW IS AT RISK OF BEING CANCELED!

I REPEAT!!! THE F/F MAIN SHIP OF THIS SHOW IS CANON AND THE SHOW IS AT RISK OF BEING CANCELED!

WE NEED TO DO THE BEST WE CAN TO GET THIS SHOW RENEWED FOR A SEASON 3!

I won’t go into spoilers directly but the ending is open and we need a season 3 for more. We can’t let Warrior Nun be another Teenage Bounty Hunters, another First Kill!

This show has been promising us good representation since season 1. Not just good representation but LGBT representation regarding the lead and second lead of the show. It has not been queerbait. They followed through in the most beautifully delicious way and we can’t give up!

PLEASE, GO WATCH WARRION NUN! We need as much COMPLETE SEASON views as we can in the first 28 days of the shows release. That’s what fucked up First Kill’s chance at renewal and we can’t chance giving Netflix a reason for cancellation. 

I know it’s hard to have hope but please, I beg you. Help us get a season 3 for Warrior Nun.

TWITTER AND TUMBLR

Elon Musky Husky: (Sees Twitter) 

Elon Dustpelt: Imma buy it 

image

Twitter hipsters: =__= That’s not very neoliberal queerbait of you…

Tumblr: Exists, chilling, not run by Elon Musk

Twitter: 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌there👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ) mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀 👀 👀 👌👌Good shit

Tumblr:

Twitter hipsters: Um… Let’s just go somewhere else like Facebook… This is tooooo random for us…

Tumblr: I like your shoelaces.

Elon Junkrat:

Grimes:

Anybody want to be a sugarbaby

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Stop tagging your non-explicit AO3 fic ace-friendly.

Saw a fanfic summary in the Sandman tag that pissed me off.

At least half the explicit fic on ao3 is written by asexuals

Fictional written porn is not real life sex. Whether or not you like reading/writing fictional written porn has no bearing on whether or not you experience real life sexual attraction.

Liking zombie apocalypse movies does not mean you want a zombie apocalypse to happen in real life.

Fiction is not reality.

Equating asexuality with sex negativity is, however, acephobic.

☝️This message is approved by Local Fandom Ace who largely reads smut 👌😘

You’re giving whoever is doing this way too much credit for possibly being ace or whatever.  This is flat out acephobia.

There’s a reason we have ratings, content labels/warnings, and additional tags.

And that’s so that people of all orientations can decide for themselves whether they want to engage with the content right now, or later in a different mood or situation, or never, ever, ever.

These people have decided that they don’t think ace people can read those things.

This seems like a pretty harmless mistake that could be rectified by “sex-repulsion friendly” or cheeky, playful tags like “sensual but not sexual,” or “very suggestive but not explicit” which is something a lot of aces might seek out. It’s not ‘acephobic’ for a probably-ace person (probably a newb as well) to misunderstand that their own repulsion, while common, isn’t universal. Imma say the same thing general queers say about baby queers: give the benefit of the doubt, remember you could be encountering a 12-16 y o who hasn’t learned better yet, don’t pre-judge and ascribe malintent unless you’ve actually communicated with somebody and have determined it’s for sure there.

Chill.

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I did not make this post to attack the person who made these tags, but to raise awareness that tags like these are a radfem dogwhistle, and have been for quite a while.

Perhaps the person who tagged their fic this way didn't know better.

Well, guess what? That's why I made this post.

So that people can know better.

Radfems, on tumblr particularly, have spent the last decade trying to rebrand censorship and purity culture as "ace positivity." Radfems have spent years going into any tumblr post that discusses queer sex openly and expresses appreciation for queer sex, and dogpiling posters with accusations of "acephobia."

And it worked. There are a lot of acephobic queer people on tumblr, and a lot of their acephobia is rooted in lies radfems made up about asexuals. And one of those lies radfems made up is the lie that the explicit fanfiction on AO3 is "not ace-friendly."

I am really not exaggerating when I say at least half of the kink porn on AO3 is written by aces.

I'm sure radfems have managed to dupe a few young baby asexuals into thinking their toxic homophobic rhetoric really is "ace pride." I don't blame impressionable teen aces for not being immune to propaganda.

.

I've written and reblogged several more posts on the encroachment of radfem rhetoric into fandom spaces, and the radfem campaign to scapegoat aces for sex-negativity in fandom spaces.

Check out some of the posts in my #acephobia tag, and in my #purity culture tag.

I encourage you to read some of them. If you're in online fandom, it would behoove you to learn something about the last decade of fandom history, before reflexively dismissing everything your fandom elders say as an "overreaction from people with no chill."

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The point of this post isn't to blame.

The point of this post is to inform.

To tell people: "These words you are using are a radfem dogwhistle. You should therefore stop using these words."

That's not blame. That's not an attack.

That's an educational PSA.

Know your history:

Gay:

  • Used to mean carefree
  • Then sexually deviant
  • Then prostitute
  • Then slut
  • Then sodomite
  • And THEN as we know it today but only as a slur
  • Reclaimed in the seventies

LGBT:

  • Invented in the nineties
  • Has faced constant backlash (from both straight, queer, and LGBT folks from being not inclusive enough or too inclusive)
  • Every year there are pushes to change to acronym
  • LGBTQ
  • LGBTQ+
  • LGBTQ*
  • LGBTQIA
  • Mogai
  • Alphabet soup

Queer:

  • Used to mean “other”
  • Became a slang term for “not straight” in the 1400s
  • Became a slur in the early 1900s
  • Reclaimed in the 80s.
  • Sudden push back from within the queer community to have it seen only as a slur in the 2010s, a push that can be traced back to terf ideology.
  • Is the only term that includes all non cishet people

Homosexual

  • A medical diagnosis
  • Used for decades to make queerness into a mental illness
  • Used as a slur for the latter half of the 20th century
  • Rejected by the queer community as an acceptable term for a brief period of time in the early 2000s before coming back into fashion.
  • Only describes the experience of cis gay men and cis lesbians

Think what you want, believe what you will, but every word we have ever used to describe ourselves is coated in blood.

Op ur so brave to assume people on this site can read well enough to get this

I actually talked to an older queer guy who said he was amazed to see how many young people call themselves gay. When he hears it, he just hears a slur…but he also said he was glad that people are able to reclaim it, and he’s happy to see a generation of lgbt+ people comfortable with it.

People on this site could learn from him

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“… every word we have ever used to describe ourselves is coated in blood.”

horse people are weird

what does this mean

horses can see demons

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@betterbemeta are you able to translate this? Is it true horses can see netherbeings?? Will we ever know the extent of their powers???

I think I have reblogged this before but I’ll answer it again bc its a fascinating answer I feel and i was more funny than informational last time.

The truth is that horses see what they think are nether beings, I guess. They have a perfect storm of sensory perception that, useful for prey beings, marks false positives on mortal danger all the time. Which is advantageous to a flight-based prey species: running from danger when you’re super fast is much ‘cheaper’ than fighting, so you waste almost nothing from running from a threat that’s not there. Versus, you blow everything if you don’t see a threat that is there.

Horses also have their eyes positioned on the sides of their heads, which gives them an incredible range of peripheral vision almost around their entire body with only a few blind spots you can sneak up on them in. But this comes at the cost of binocular vision; they can only judge distance for things straight ahead of them. Super useful for preventing predators sneaking up from the sides or behind, but useless for recognizing familiar shapes with the precision we can.

Basically we now have a walking couch with anxiety its going to get attacked at any second, that can see almost everything, but mostly only out of the corner of its eye. It has a few blind spots and anything that suddenly appears out of them is terrifying to it. Combine that with that it actually has far superior low-light vision than us, and that its ears can swivel in any directions like radar dishes, and you’ve basically given a nervous wreck a highly accurate but imprecise danger-dar.

To be concise: all horses, even the most chill horses, on some level believe they are living in a survival horror.

This means that you could approach it in a flapping poncho and if it can’t recognize your shape as human, they mistake you for SATAN… or you could pass this one broken down tractor you’ve passed 100 times on a trail ride, but today is the day it will ATTACK… or your horse could feel a horsefly bite from its blind spot and MAMA, I’VE BEEN HIT!!!… or you could both approach a fallen log in the woods but in the low light your horse is going to see the tree rings as THE EYE OF MORDOR.

However, they actually have kind of a cool compensation for this– they are social animals, and instinctively look towards leadership. In the wild or out at pasture, this is their most willful, pushy, decisive leader horse who decides where to go and where it’s safe. But humans often take this role both as riders and on the ground. They are always watching and feeling for human reactions to things. This is why moving in a calm, decisive way and always giving clear commands is key to working with this kind of animal. Confusing commands, screaming, panic, visible distress, and chaos will signal to a horse that you, brave leader are freaked out… so it should freak out too!

On one hand, you’ll get horses that will decide that they are the leader and you are not, so getting them to listen to you can be tough– requiring patience and skill more than force. On the other hand, a good enough rider and a well-trained horse (or a horse with specialized training) can venture into dangerous situations, loud and scary environments, etc. calmly and confidently.

The joke in OP though is that many horses that are bred to be very fast, like thoroughbreds, are also bred and encouraged to be high-energy and highstrung. Making them more anxious and prone to seeing those ‘demons.’ All horses in a sense are going to be your anxious friend, but racehorses and polo ponies and other sport horses can sometimes be your anxious friend that thinks they live in Silent Hill.

Reblogging some horse knowledge for certain people who write fantasy books but know nothing about horses *cough cough*

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reblogging for the line “Basically we now have a walking couch with anxiety”.

Also: horses have very limited depth perception. You know that thing where you out your finger on the bridge of your nose and it disappears because it’s behind your field of vision? Now imagine your nose is as long as a horse’s. The blind spot in front of a horse’s nose is huge, four to six feet or so. When a horse jumps, it can’t see the fence, it has to be trained / remember to look for it and remember where it is and how high. They cannot tell if that is a spot of oil or a black hole in the road. It’s probably a black hole. Better avoid it.

Horses can’t see your hand, they smell the treat (and use very sensitive skin/whiskers to feel.) Some horses are garbage at doing this gently, just absolutely awful, but remember - they can’t see what they’re doing.

Horses also have partial color vision - they see horse relevant colors. Blue, yellow and therefore green. No red derived colors. If you want to see an anxious couch have a bad trip, ride it in an arena with alternating sections of purple and yellow seating. Grey grey YELLOW YELLOW HOLY SHIIIIIIIT. Every single horse would walk past the purple seats and go OH MY FUCK at the yellow ones. This is why the bright red (grey) bucket isn’t a problem, but oH my FfffffffffSHIttTTTT do they notice a stray yellow plastic grocery bag.

Last statement here is, instinct tells a horse that anything clinging to your back is going to eat you. That we spend so much effort convincing them otherwise is amazing and in general a testament to the human race’s commitment to Bad Ideas.

Thank u horse science side of tumblr