one day you'll notice i've stopped responding. .never to hear from me again. .

„feels like hell , you don' like me , you just make me hate myself."

oh what a love that weighed heavy must feel like. .so generous in it's amount that it washes me away , cleansing me of any doubt..

how am i supposed to change the way i feel about her?

back to this mfn couch ig. .

and , you fucking laughed. .well , hell.

you must truly believe that i am such a lame. .

dw. .won't talk myself out of it this time. so , no need to repeat the invalidation that it's only a victim play or , that i'm lyin' 'nd holdin' it over your head. ..bc the reality is. .

i'll be holdin' my own to it. ..

that mfn phone call could have gotten me killed. .i just wish it had.

another night. .with little to no sleep..,

alone.

..when will it end.

-

11/20/23-edit //:

when i decide it's time. i have decided.

sleepin'. .all alone

girl , pick up the phone

i know that you miss me

now , tell me where've you gone ¿

-

weepin' , wan' to atone

i've often been told-

„you're stuck in the memories."

'nd now , i'm sleepin' // weepin'. .[on my own]

//: see. ..just goes to show that you're not really worth much anymore. .are ya ? you lil' sad ass sack of shit. clearly. .there is no longer a purpose for you here , is there ¿ you hopeless excuse of an existence. you're as big of an imbecile as we've always thought you were. especially¡ for thinking she'd want to give you something of the sort ever again. and now , all this sobbing over „do it" , „don't do it". .you're just a wailing animal wasting everyone's time. we don't care anymore. .

just make the decision already V.