Fool

Yeah I'm not letting this stay in the tags. Your thoughts are on my blog now

via

BTW for anyone too lazy to do the math a wage of $125 a day works out to about $15/hour for an 8-hour workday so..... someone in 1923 definitely had a vision of the future

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

my brother started calling our cat "doobie brother" which he then lengthened to "dubious brother" and has since morphed into "brother dubious" like he's some sort of fucked up little monk

brother dubious

I didn’t realize this was about wind I just thought the lady was having a bad day

americans will measure in anything but the metric system

americans will

measure in anything but

the metric system

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

A question for the ages.

text from my dad (2021) - my dad

“i’ll admit that my main problem with this is that i haven’t asked”

submitted by @cornandcoconutsoup​

Original text for context

op this provides no context

English added by me :)

finding out your friend has a new name/gender is so hype. Like yess give us the patch notes

gee i wonder what that's like

LAW AND ECONOMICS BABEYYY

never not mentally replaying this

One thing I’ve learned in life, if you act really self-assured and confident you can pretty much get away with anything.

For example, I’ve watched someone walk on to a plane with no passport. Just walked right on.

Once walked out of a dude’s house with a pair of his pants slung over my shoulder. Did all the usual eye-contact, saying-goodbye movements and noises, just… while stealing his pants. He did not notice. 

I told my English teacher that she graded my final paper(I did not turn one in) and that she told me it was well written. She scrambled 3 days trying to find the nonexistent paper, then apologized to me for losing it and gave me a 96%. Confidence is key

my dad’s mate just walked out of a shop with a canoe and didn’t get questioned

Humans are like bees: if they sense you’re an intruder all hell will break loose, but if you get inside the hive they just assume you belong there. Be confident.

Bee confident

This is funny but also true, and a huge tip when traveling. Act like you belong, and you won’t be bothered like other tourists might. Especially on public transportation… do your research ahead of time and look like a disinterested commuter and you’ll blend right in.

Fun Fact about Bees: they use pheromones to communicate and the pheromone to signal ALARM is the same chemical that makes bananas smell like bananas so if you eat a banana and then breathe on a beehive you will regret it and this seemed relevant when i started writing it

Humans will also be alarmed when you breathe on them, but that’s not related to bananas.

happy 7 year anniversary (uploaded july 17 2010)

happy 13th to aeiou

aeiou