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Hammer!
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haha theres a hole in your wall now
beware the abyss within
JACK HAMMER: PERSONAL PROFILE
NAME: JACK HAMMER
DATE OF BIRTH: MAY 18, 1967
PLACE OF BIRTH: INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, CENTRAL JOHNSON HOSPITAL, MIDLOTHIAN, ILLINOIS
BASE OF OPERATIONS:
WEBSITE: HAMMER.PRO
QUESTION: WHAT IS YOUR SIGN?
ANSWER: THE HOLE. WHY? I DONāT KNOW, WE JUST THOUGHT ITāD MAKE A COOL NEW SLOGAN
QUESTION: THE GENERAL. ARE YOU A FISH?
ANSWER: OF COURSE. WHY?
QUESTION: PLEASE DESCRIBE YOUR āWARDROBEā:
ANSWER: WHATāS THIS GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?
QUESTION: LATEST EXPERIMENT?
ANSWER:BEING THE HOLE" ON OURSELVES. WE REALLY LIKE TO SEE OURSELVES AS A HOLE, DONāT WE
QUESTION: OK. THATāS HORRIBLE. WHY DID YOU DO THAT.
ANSWER: SIMPLY: BECAUSE WE WANTED TO!
QUESTION: WELL NOW, YOUR INCLINATION TO BROADEN YOUR EXPERIENCE OF BEING THE HOLE, MAYBE?
ANSWER: YES, THATāS RIGHT. SO, WE PLAY āHAVING THE HOLEā ON ANIMALS, YOU KNOW.
QUESTION: OH NO.
ANSWER: SURE. THIS WAY WE CAN TURN OTHER ANIMALS INTO HOLES. LOTS OF FUN!
QUESTION: YES, WE IMPLIED. ARE YOU FEELING ALRIGHT, JACK?
ANSWER: MAYBE WEāRE THE ONE WITH THE HOLE!
QUESTION: DO YOU SUPPORT A PLAN TO FEED THE HOLE?
ANSWER: IN THEORY, WE SUPPORT IT. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, WHEN YOU GET DOWN TO IT, ITāS ACTUALLY JUST A BUNCH OF HOLES! THATāS WHY WEāRE THE GENERAL.
QUESTION: WHAT IS āFEEDING THE HOLEā?
ANSWER: āFEEDING THE HOLEā IS A SLANG EXPRESSION THAT DESCRIBES OUR EXPERIENCE OF KNOWING THE HOLE. BUT OF COURSE YOU KNOW ABOUT THAT, RIGHT?
QUESTION: YOU KNOW, YOU GUYS NEED SOME TIME TO REFLECT.
ANSWER: YOU DONāT ACTUALLY WANT US TO THINK TOO HARD, DO YOU? WEāRE BEING POLITE.
QUESTION: I KNOW THAT NOW! I WONDER WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF WE WERE TO DO SOMETHING DIFFERENT FOR A CHANGE.
ANSWER: I HAVE A FEELING WE WOULD COME BACK TO THE HOLE AGAIN, DONāT YOU THINK?
QUESTION: OH NO.
ANSWER: WOULD YOU LIKE TO?
QUESTION: WHAT A WEIRD QUESTION, THE GENERAL! WEāVE BEEN DEALING WITH YOU FOR HOURS NOW. MAYBE WE SHOULD GET SOMEONE ELSE TO PROCEED FROM HERE. SOMEONE MORE EXPERIENCED, MAYBE?
ANSWER: WE WONDER THAT FROM TIME TO TIME. ITāS NOT LIKE THERE ISNāT ALREADY TOO MUCH TO DO WITHOUT ANOTHER GENERAL LANGUAGE.
QUESTION: MAYBE YOU SHOULD READ THESE RESPONSES ALONG TO OUR COLLEAGUES SOMEWHERE.
ANSWER: A GREAT PLAN!
isnāt that the guy from ace attorney
Itās actually from the backstory of a Steven Universe fanfiction I read years ago
i didnāt know jack hammer from hit game phoenix wright ace attorney was part of a steven universe fanfic
In a way, he is
Heās one of several ābossesā the heroine fights, and heās ostensibly this amoral giant squid-man who doesnāt know how to express his emotions, but is nonetheless terrifyingly monstrous and violent and stuff
There are some passages about him that are kind of deeply poetic, in a way that is perhaps a bit too fitting for this kind of thing
this is some lore if iāve ever seen one
It was a fanfiction called āThe Zutara Chroniclesā by Lia and Donna, which if youāre a big ATLA fan and you want to check it out, do a google search on the title in quotation marks and click the āfirst resultā (there are two stories by this name, and the one Iām talking about is newest). (Itās an ATLA fanfiction that has Zutara (which is a canon ship) in it, so you probably shouldnāt click it if you donāt want any spoilers for that.)
This is all very late-night, but there was also an obscure character in Homestuck called Rose Spinner, and I found out there was a guy with a similar-sounding name who was also an internet weirdo who was into some kind of surgery fetish called Roseman Spinner, and then I wondered if this was intentional. Then I thought that this was probably just a weird coincidence, but in case anyone is wondering, hereās the










